Question to Teachers: What is it like dealing with parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:May I offer my perspective as a parent?
I have a quirky, not always pleasant child who is bright but doesn’t like school, and his ability to tolerate boring but necessary is lower than average. He is also a child, and it is hard for him to stay on good behavior when he is bored/doesn’t want to be there.
This is not a great set of personal qualities for traditional school and my only response to a teacher is “thank you for letting me know, we will work on it”.
However, I do feel that most teachers only look at two things: is this kid performing on grade level or higher? And- is this kid making my life more difficult or not?
Honestly, this year in 4th it is the first time I met a teacher who admitted that traditional school is just not a good fit for some kids, and he is trying to meet such kids in the middle (they have to work on their attitude too). He is the one who doesn’t make me or my child feel less than, and at the same time we are truly willing to work with him.
Most teachers just think that school is something that everyone should adore and always give best effort to, and if not, there is something wrong with the child and parents who cannot “make” the child.

No, look, teachers recognize that the traditional school system doesn’t work for all kids. We do the best we can for the ones it doesn’t. But the reality is, if your kid is in that school/system and not a private or untraditional school, they do have to be held to standards like grades and progress. That’s just the way it is. If a kid is failing, we are required to let parents know so they can’t turn around and claim we never told them. If a kid is failing, they’re failing, and that comes with certain procedures on our end because otherwise it looks like WE aren’t teaching them.

I get a lot of kids don’t like school. I try to make it as pleasant and not awful for them as possible. But the reality is if your kid has a hard time in that kind of environment, you may need to seek another environment because the public school education is a massive behemoth that is so much bigger than us the teachers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been told that because I am "only a teacher" I am not as qualified as the parent - the spouse of a pediatrician - to make observations on behavior trends I witnessed in the classroom. I was not attempting to make a diagnosis or anything clinical, simply raised issues with poor emotional regulation and other classroom issues with peers. The best part is this woman doesn't have a health care background, she was simply married to a doctor. Her husband was pleasant but disengaged. She actually told me that I "probably wasn't intelligent enough" to complete a degree in a more challenging field.

Not to hijack, but I get this also as a nurse practitioner because I'm "only a nurse." It's insulting and degrading. Female-dominated professions have come a long way, but many still want to dismiss teachers, nurses, and the like because of outdated beliefs and stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

"But if either--parent or teacher--insists on his or her view as the only correct view, basically they are taking their one dimension as the only dimension that matters. These perspectives should complement each other, not necessarily be weighed on a scale as to which is more valid."

This 100%

One reason I despise most of my kid's teachers is that most are completely incapable of thinking outside their narrow views.

I know my kid better than anyone, so if you're dismissing my observations and suggestions, and insist that nothing you're doing is wrong, we're just noting going to be working together for the year.

[Anonymous]

Read the "three before me" tread and that will give you a little insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"But if either--parent or teacher--insists on his or her view as the only correct view, basically they are taking their one dimension as the only dimension that matters. These perspectives should complement each other, not necessarily be weighed on a scale as to which is more valid."

This 100%

One reason I despise most of my kid's teachers is that most are completely incapable of thinking outside their narrow views.

I know my kid better than anyone, so if you're dismissing my observations and suggestions, and insist that nothing you're doing is wrong, we're just noting going to be working together for the year.

But, I’m sure that you also realize that your aren’t with your child in class every day and that the veteran teachers have seen a much bigger pool of children from which to establish a sense of what is typical for a child your son’s age. Especially if you are hearing this from multiple teachers (either in the same grade or across successive grades).

[Anonymous]

Parents who have an issue with how I do something and CC the principal. And the spineless principal bends over backwards for them and berates me.

- LCPS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents who have an issue with how I do something and CC the principal. And the spineless principal bends over backwards for them and berates me.

- LCPS

Or, worse, the ones who CC the counselor. Um, they aren’t my superior. We are colleagues. Telling on me to them does nothing, they’re in no position of authority. They can’t make me change my grade. They don’t even know what the heck is going on in my classes to have any input into my grading.

[Anonymous]

Parents who believe their kid after she-he was caught in a lie

Subtly being called a racist bc I apparently can't build a "relationship" with a kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"But if either--parent or teacher--insists on his or her view as the only correct view, basically they are taking their one dimension as the only dimension that matters. These perspectives should complement each other, not necessarily be weighed on a scale as to which is more valid."

This 100%

One reason I despise most of my kid's teachers is that most are completely incapable of thinking outside their narrow views.

I know my kid better than anyone, so if you're dismissing my observations and suggestions, and insist that nothing you're doing is wrong, we're just noting going to be working together for the year.

You "despise" most of your kid's teachers? That sounds quite extreme and maybe some self reflection is in order. Most teachers have good intentions and aren't out to "get" your kid or whatever you may think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have loved all my parents. Even with difficult children. I have had good relationships with all of them. This is because I view their kids as my own, tell them that, and they know I have their childs' best interest at heart with any decision I make. I try not to badger but make aware any concerns in a professional manner. I also go above and beyond for my families: some were wealthy but dealing with coping and personal tragedy. Others were struggling in the worst way. I would listen, let them vent, help them look for jobs, temp housing, help with aging or sick parents ( I went through that so knew what to do), found free grief therapy for a child and Dad who lost a Mom, gave my own kids' clothes to a child I adored but were penniless and living with terrible fosters, and bought lunch for a child with no food at home. People have problems and need help. See past defensiveness and offer a helping hand. Learn why they hover over their baby: they might have paid dearly to have him or her, listen, and never judge.

Signed a damn good teacher of 11 years who still has patents keep in touch since my student teaching days ( kids are now in college)

oy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:May I offer my perspective as a parent?
I have a quirky, not always pleasant child who is bright but doesn’t like school, and his ability to tolerate boring but necessary is lower than average. He is also a child, and it is hard for him to stay on good behavior when he is bored/doesn’t want to be there.
This is not a great set of personal qualities for traditional school and my only response to a teacher is “thank you for letting me know, we will work on it”.
However, I do feel that most teachers only look at two things: is this kid performing on grade level or higher? And- is this kid making my life more difficult or not?
Honestly, this year in 4th it is the first time I met a teacher who admitted that traditional school is just not a good fit for some kids, and he is trying to meet such kids in the middle (they have to work on their attitude too). He is the one who doesn’t make me or my child feel less than, and at the same time we are truly willing to work with him.
Most teachers just think that school is something that everyone should adore and always give best effort to, and if not, there is something wrong with the child and parents who cannot “make” the child.

No, look, teachers recognize that the traditional school system doesn’t work for all kids. We do the best we can for the ones it doesn’t. But the reality is, if your kid is in that school/system and not a private or untraditional school, they do have to be held to standards like grades and progress. That’s just the way it is. If a kid is failing, we are required to let parents know so they can’t turn around and claim we never told them. If a kid is failing, they’re failing, and that comes with certain procedures on our end because otherwise it looks like WE aren’t teaching them.

I get a lot of kids don’t like school. I try to make it as pleasant and not awful for them as possible. But the reality is if your kid has a hard time in that kind of environment, you may need to seek another environment because the public school education is a massive behemoth that is so much bigger than us the teachers.

No, I don’t mean failing as in getting bad grades. He is in fact above grade level as per tests.
I mean, misbehaving slightly or saying he hates school.
Not a great thing to do, either of them, but not the end of the world either.
I don’t have the money to place him elsewhere.
I am sorry I am inconveniencing the teachers with my kid, I wish I had an industrious kid who loves boring homework, but alas!

[Anonymous]

^rhis attitude doesn’t help you or your kid. You’re not “inconveniencing” anyone so just stop with the martyr act. But, and I say this as a teacher AND as parent of a naturally kind of negative kid who thinks a lot of school is boring/not fun/not her preference (and has an IEP for LD), you need to teach him to not say it out loud all the time. It’s not that it hurts the teachers’ feelings. It’s not that we think he HAS to love school. But it brings the other kids down. It is not cool to heave a sigh and go THIS SUCKS every time you don’t want to do something. I tell my daughter “you don’t HAVE to like it, but nobody wants to hear you complain out loud all the time either.”

He’s one person in an environment with many others and it’s not beyond him even with ADHD to learn how to control his negativity and not verbalize every time he finds something boring or beneath him or a waste of his time. It’s not fair to the other kids to have to listen to that constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^rhis attitude doesn’t help you or your kid. You’re not “inconveniencing” anyone so just stop with the martyr act. But, and I say this as a teacher AND as parent of a naturally kind of negative kid who thinks a lot of school is boring/not fun/not her preference (and has an IEP for LD), you need to teach him to not say it out loud all the time. It’s not that it hurts the teachers’ feelings. It’s not that we think he HAS to love school. But it brings the other kids down. It is not cool to heave a sigh and go THIS SUCKS every time you don’t want to do something. I tell my daughter “you don’t HAVE to like it, but nobody wants to hear you complain out loud all the time either.”

He’s one person in an environment with many others and it’s not beyond him even with ADHD to learn how to control his negativity and not verbalize every time he finds something boring or beneath him or a waste of his time. It’s not fair to the other kids to have to listen to that constantly.

Also a teacher here and I will second this. All children are capable of growth and change. One of the major skills of the elementary years is learning to follow directions and, frankly, delay gratification. To say that some children simply cannot tolerate boredom and thus cannot follow directions and delay gratification is going to rub teachers the wrong way. Every child can learn hard work and focus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who have an issue with how I do something and CC the principal. And the spineless principal bends over backwards for them and berates me.

- LCPS

Or, worse, the ones who CC the counselor. Um, they aren’t my superior. We are colleagues. Telling on me to them does nothing, they’re in no position of authority. They can’t make me change my grade. They don’t even know what the heck is going on in my classes to have any input into my grading.

Huh.
This one suprises me. I cc'd the counselor on an email to my child's teacher just last week. It had nothing at all to do with "telling on" the teacher. It had to do with the fact that the child's struggle with school work is impacting him emotionally, and I'm hoping that both professionals can help my kid. Why would you assume that a parent is telling on you, rather than trying to get all the adults who care for the child to have the same shared set of facts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who have an issue with how I do something and CC the principal. And the spineless principal bends over backwards for them and berates me.

- LCPS

Or, worse, the ones who CC the counselor. Um, they aren’t my superior. We are colleagues. Telling on me to them does nothing, they’re in no position of authority. They can’t make me change my grade. They don’t even know what the heck is going on in my classes to have any input into my grading.

Huh.
This one suprises me. I cc'd the counselor on an email to my child's teacher just last week. It had nothing at all to do with "telling on" the teacher. It had to do with the fact that the child's struggle with school work is impacting him emotionally, and I'm hoping that both professionals can help my kid. Why would you assume that a parent is telling on you, rather than trying to get all the adults who care for the child to have the same shared set of facts?

+1