Why are parents so invested

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's youth soccer! Why do parents berate, taunt, and otherwise terrorize other teams, coaches and referees? I do not care if you are the top team in the country or a Recreation team just starting out, no parents have the right to treat other children (or adults) so poorly. Why does this happen? And more importantly, how does one stop it? I do not want my child playing in this environment, nor do I want to be exposed to it.

It is a GAME - lighten up!

Nearly a decade in and I've never seen the above behavior. I have certainly never seen any team"terrorized" by parents. Just because you see it on YouTube doesn't mean it is a regular occurrence.

Do you avoid stairs, chairs and other daily objects because of "epic fail" videos too?

Are you deaf, blind, or both? Yes it happens, i see it all the time and although it shouldn't don't pretend it doesn't happen.

It doesn’t happen all the time. You’re being overly dramatic.

New poster. The fact that you don't hear it means that you have become desensitized. My kids are on teams that are relatively well-behaved and the parents still routinely yell, "Foul, come on, ref!" and gasp loudly when there is shoulder to shoulder contact and scream "OFFSIDES!" not to mention, "Pressure!" and "SHOOT IT!" all the time, every game. They wouldn't berate other kids, ever, but they shouldn't be saying any of these things! Occasionally over the years, we have had one of those joystick parents who coaches his kid's every move. And these are all relatively calm people with decent attitudes. I have seen truly appalling behavior from other parents, though.

I agree with the OP. Why is any adult so invested in youth soccer. I am not even saying keep it positive (it should go without saying). I am saying, everyone should care a LOT less.

Lets go back to the OP's opening statement one more time:

It's youth soccer! Why do parents berate, taunt, and otherwise terrorize other teams, coaches and referees?

Now, lets break down your post:

parents still routinely yell, "Foul, come on, ref!" and gasp loudly when there is shoulder to shoulder contact and scream "OFFSIDES!" not to mention, "Pressure!" and "SHOOT IT!" all the time, every game.

The only standard your observation even meets is "berate" and of the examples you cite, the only thing close is "Foul, come on, ref".

"Gasp loudly"?!?!!? Really? GASP?

None of the above is even close to taunting or TERRORIZING kids or other teams.

The following would be hypothetical lines that could be examples of "taunting" and/or terrorizing other teams, coaches or kids:

Taunting
"Hey kid, you suck!"
"Your team sucks!"
"HAHA! Way to lose!"

Terrorizing. This would require some kind of threat of possible physical harm:
"Hey Ref, you better watch your back when you go to the car!"
"Your Red card won't protect you in the parking lot Ref!"
"Hey kid! Push my kid again like that and I'll show you what its like!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's youth soccer! Why do parents berate, taunt, and otherwise terrorize other teams, coaches and referees? I do not care if you are the top team in the country or a Recreation team just starting out, no parents have the right to treat other children (or adults) so poorly. Why does this happen? And more importantly, how does one stop it? I do not want my child playing in this environment, nor do I want to be exposed to it.

It is a GAME - lighten up!

Nearly a decade in and I've never seen the above behavior. I have certainly never seen any team"terrorized" by parents. Just because you see it on YouTube doesn't mean it is a regular occurrence.

Do you avoid stairs, chairs and other daily objects because of "epic fail" videos too?

Are you deaf, blind, or both? Yes it happens, i see it all the time and although it shouldn't don't pretend it doesn't happen.

It doesn’t happen all the time. You’re being overly dramatic.

New poster. The fact that you don't hear it means that you have become desensitized. My kids are on teams that are relatively well-behaved and the parents still routinely yell, "Foul, come on, ref!" and gasp loudly when there is shoulder to shoulder contact and scream "OFFSIDES!" not to mention, "Pressure!" and "SHOOT IT!" all the time, every game. They wouldn't berate other kids, ever, but they shouldn't be saying any of these things! Occasionally over the years, we have had one of those joystick parents who coaches his kid's every move. And these are all relatively calm people with decent attitudes. I have seen truly appalling behavior from other parents, though.

I agree with the OP. Why is any adult so invested in youth soccer. I am not even saying keep it positive (it should go without saying). I am saying, everyone should care a LOT less.

AS bad as travel soccer might seem you should go watch a travel basketball game some time. I have been to several basketball tournaments and the atmosphere is closer to a prison riot than anything you see on the soccer sidelines.

[Anonymous]

Is it surprising that people get wrapped up in youth sports? You pay thousands of dollars a year for your kid to participate, send them all over the state, region, country, re-arrange birthdays, holidays, and whatever. And yeah, you know this going in, but parents make a huge investment in these sports. Of course, people are looking for return on their investment. Right or wrong, its happens.

[Anonymous]

I think parents are invested because they want their kid to win. Simple as that. Anything that gets in the way (opposing team, fouls, ref, other parents, etc...) is demonized.

[Anonymous]

Parents are invested because they are spending a lot of money, time, effort, and emotion for youth sports. There is simply no way to spend this much time at something and not care about it.

Calling out a bad call is not the intent of the OP's narrative. He/She makes it sound there are gang fights at every game and that parents are yelling at stuff at kids who are not theirs. There is nothing out of the ordinary with soccer in comparison to any other activity that people spend so much time on and the OP's narrative is just not correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's youth soccer! Why do parents berate, taunt, and otherwise terrorize other teams, coaches and referees? I do not care if you are the top team in the country or a Recreation team just starting out, no parents have the right to treat other children (or adults) so poorly. Why does this happen? And more importantly, how does one stop it? I do not want my child playing in this environment, nor do I want to be exposed to it.

It is a GAME - lighten up!

Nearly a decade in and I've never seen the above behavior. I have certainly never seen any team"terrorized" by parents. Just because you see it on YouTube doesn't mean it is a regular occurrence.

Do you avoid stairs, chairs and other daily objects because of "epic fail" videos too?

Are you deaf, blind, or both? Yes it happens, i see it all the time and although it shouldn't don't pretend it doesn't happen.

It doesn’t happen all the time. You’re being overly dramatic.

New poster. The fact that you don't hear it means that you have become desensitized. My kids are on teams that are relatively well-behaved and the parents still routinely yell, "Foul, come on, ref!" and gasp loudly when there is shoulder to shoulder contact and scream "OFFSIDES!" not to mention, "Pressure!" and "SHOOT IT!" all the time, every game. They wouldn't berate other kids, ever, but they shouldn't be saying any of these things! Occasionally over the years, we have had one of those joystick parents who coaches his kid's every move. And these are all relatively calm people with decent attitudes. I have seen truly appalling behavior from other parents, though.

I agree with the OP. Why is any adult so invested in youth soccer. I am not even saying keep it positive (it should go without saying). I am saying, everyone should care a LOT less.

If you don't care about the sport your kid is spending so much time doing, my guess is you really don't care about anything he does. Are you teaching your kid to not care about anything? That losing is ok? If so, your kid will not have a chance in life. Soccer is teaching life skills, not just how to play soccer. People who care about nothing and are not passionate about anything will allow life to pass them by or worse kick them in the butt.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow. Just wow. I believe you can be passionate and caring without being an asshole. You can cheer on your kid, other kids on the team, without screaming at the ref, telling the players what to do (shoot, shoot, SHOOT damn it) or say "nice save" to either keeper that makes a nice save, and not put down, mock or taunt the players or the parents on the other side. It's called sportsmanship. Or civility. And it IS lacking in youth soccer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow. Just wow. I believe you can be passionate and caring without being an asshole. You can cheer on your kid, other kids on the team, without screaming at the ref, telling the players what to do (shoot, shoot, SHOOT damn it) or say "nice save" to either keeper that makes a nice save, and not put down, mock or taunt the players or the parents on the other side. It's called sportsmanship. Or civility. And it IS lacking in youth soccer.

Old Man Screams at the sky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The worst offender we ever had was on a swim team. THe guy was a gym teacher and his kids were genuinely talented, but he had held them back a couple of times from starting kindergarten so they were really big and really tall compared to other kids and you could tell it was all about the dad, not the kids.

He would do this thing where he would be at an awards night and they'd start saying "And the award for . . . " and he'd already be running towards the stage and pushing other people out of the way because he just KNEW they were going to call his kids' names. SO gross!!! SO over the top!

Swimming, like soccer, is by age. Holding a kid back will have no affect on their competing age group. VA high school limit is 19 on 1 Aug of the school year start and you are ineligible. So one, maybe two years of extra maturity in high school. But in club play, they will still be with their age peers, minimum.

[Anonymous]

https://www.economist.com/united-states/2019/08/01/what-the-mighty-dolphins-say-about-america I posted this on another thread. It may also be an explanation of why so many parents get invested. Instead of getting more involved in politics or religious activities in their community, they get involved in more of their childrens' activities, which are necessarily more competitive. Of course, they are given a choice and make it - so another way of asking why parents are so invested is to ask why are parents not spending more time doing or caring about other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's youth soccer! Why do parents berate, taunt, and otherwise terrorize other teams, coaches and referees? I do not care if you are the top team in the country or a Recreation team just starting out, no parents have the right to treat other children (or adults) so poorly. Why does this happen? And more importantly, how does one stop it? I do not want my child playing in this environment, nor do I want to be exposed to it.

It is a GAME - lighten up!

Nearly a decade in and I've never seen the above behavior. I have certainly never seen any team"terrorized" by parents. Just because you see it on YouTube doesn't mean it is a regular occurrence.

Do you avoid stairs, chairs and other daily objects because of "epic fail" videos too?

Are you deaf, blind, or both? Yes it happens, i see it all the time and although it shouldn't don't pretend it doesn't happen.

It doesn’t happen all the time. You’re being overly dramatic.

New poster. The fact that you don't hear it means that you have become desensitized. My kids are on teams that are relatively well-behaved and the parents still routinely yell, "Foul, come on, ref!" and gasp loudly when there is shoulder to shoulder contact and scream "OFFSIDES!" not to mention, "Pressure!" and "SHOOT IT!" all the time, every game. They wouldn't berate other kids, ever, but they shouldn't be saying any of these things! Occasionally over the years, we have had one of those joystick parents who coaches his kid's every move. And these are all relatively calm people with decent attitudes. I have seen truly appalling behavior from other parents, though.

I agree with the OP. Why is any adult so invested in youth soccer. I am not even saying keep it positive (it should go without saying). I am saying, everyone should care a LOT less.

If you don't care about the sport your kid is spending so much time doing, my guess is you really don't care about anything he does. Are you teaching your kid to not care about anything? That losing is ok? If so, your kid will not have a chance in life. Soccer is teaching life skills, not just how to play soccer. People who care about nothing and are not passionate about anything will allow life to pass them by or worse kick them in the butt.

Oh for goodness sake... is the issue that people's kids' don't care enough? It isn't for mine. Look, I was a competitive athlete, too. I am sure a lot of people here were. But I had sane parents who would remind me that the ref was human and made mistakes, that mistakes pretty much even out if not over a game over time, that you can't control the behavior of others -- so focus on your own, that practice and diligence and hard work will make you better, and so on. Like you said: life skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's youth soccer! Why do parents berate, taunt, and otherwise terrorize other teams, coaches and referees? I do not care if you are the top team in the country or a Recreation team just starting out, no parents have the right to treat other children (or adults) so poorly. Why does this happen? And more importantly, how does one stop it? I do not want my child playing in this environment, nor do I want to be exposed to it.

It is a GAME - lighten up!

Nearly a decade in and I've never seen the above behavior. I have certainly never seen any team"terrorized" by parents. Just because you see it on YouTube doesn't mean it is a regular occurrence.

Do you avoid stairs, chairs and other daily objects because of "epic fail" videos too?

Are you deaf, blind, or both? Yes it happens, i see it all the time and although it shouldn't don't pretend it doesn't happen.

It doesn’t happen all the time. You’re being overly dramatic.

New poster. The fact that you don't hear it means that you have become desensitized. My kids are on teams that are relatively well-behaved and the parents still routinely yell, "Foul, come on, ref!" and gasp loudly when there is shoulder to shoulder contact and scream "OFFSIDES!" not to mention, "Pressure!" and "SHOOT IT!" all the time, every game. They wouldn't berate other kids, ever, but they shouldn't be saying any of these things! Occasionally over the years, we have had one of those joystick parents who coaches his kid's every move. And these are all relatively calm people with decent attitudes. I have seen truly appalling behavior from other parents, though.

I agree with the OP. Why is any adult so invested in youth soccer. I am not even saying keep it positive (it should go without saying). I am saying, everyone should care a LOT less.

If you don't care about the sport your kid is spending so much time doing, my guess is you really don't care about anything he does. Are you teaching your kid to not care about anything? That losing is ok? If so, your kid will not have a chance in life. Soccer is teaching life skills, not just how to play soccer. People who care about nothing and are not passionate about anything will allow life to pass them by or worse kick them in the butt.

But this is your kid's sport to care about and lesson to learn, not yours. So please stand back and let them do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's youth soccer! Why do parents berate, taunt, and otherwise terrorize other teams, coaches and referees? I do not care if you are the top team in the country or a Recreation team just starting out, no parents have the right to treat other children (or adults) so poorly. Why does this happen? And more importantly, how does one stop it? I do not want my child playing in this environment, nor do I want to be exposed to it.

It is a GAME - lighten up!

Nearly a decade in and I've never seen the above behavior. I have certainly never seen any team"terrorized" by parents. Just because you see it on YouTube doesn't mean it is a regular occurrence.

Do you avoid stairs, chairs and other daily objects because of "epic fail" videos too?

Are you deaf, blind, or both? Yes it happens, i see it all the time and although it shouldn't don't pretend it doesn't happen.

It doesn’t happen all the time. You’re being overly dramatic.

New poster. The fact that you don't hear it means that you have become desensitized. My kids are on teams that are relatively well-behaved and the parents still routinely yell, "Foul, come on, ref!" and gasp loudly when there is shoulder to shoulder contact and scream "OFFSIDES!" not to mention, "Pressure!" and "SHOOT IT!" all the time, every game. They wouldn't berate other kids, ever, but they shouldn't be saying any of these things! Occasionally over the years, we have had one of those joystick parents who coaches his kid's every move. And these are all relatively calm people with decent attitudes. I have seen truly appalling behavior from other parents, though.

I agree with the OP. Why is any adult so invested in youth soccer. I am not even saying keep it positive (it should go without saying). I am saying, everyone should care a LOT less.

If you don't care about the sport your kid is spending so much time doing, my guess is you really don't care about anything he does. Are you teaching your kid to not care about anything? That losing is ok? If so, your kid will not have a chance in life. Soccer is teaching life skills, not just how to play soccer. People who care about nothing and are not passionate about anything will allow life to pass them by or worse kick them in the butt.

But this is your kid's sport to care about and lesson to learn, not yours. So please stand back and let them do it.

Ummm, I think that is what the PP was implying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow. Just wow. I believe you can be passionate and caring without being an asshole. You can cheer on your kid, other kids on the team, without screaming at the ref, telling the players what to do (shoot, shoot, SHOOT damn it) or say "nice save" to either keeper that makes a nice save, and not put down, mock or taunt the players or the parents on the other side. It's called sportsmanship. Or civility. And it IS lacking in youth soccer.

No it is not lacking. The straw man the OP puts out here is just that, a straw man. I have never seen any parent mock or put down a player. It does not happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow. Just wow. I believe you can be passionate and caring without being an asshole. You can cheer on your kid, other kids on the team, without screaming at the ref, telling the players what to do (shoot, shoot, SHOOT damn it) or say "nice save" to either keeper that makes a nice save, and not put down, mock or taunt the players or the parents on the other side. It's called sportsmanship. Or civility. And it IS lacking in youth soccer.

No it is not lacking. The straw man the OP puts out here is just that, a straw man. I have never seen any parent mock or put down a player. It does not happen.

+1000

This whole thread is hyperbole in the extreme.