What does your AP relationship look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You beat me to the punch. Or she's a sociopath.

Damn it’s a lotta sociopaths out here.

According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, national surveys indicate that 15 percent of married women and 25 percent of married men have had extramarital affairs. The incidence is about 20 percent higher when emotional and sexual relationships without intercourse are included. ~ Jan 22, 2018

My own extensive experience, going on over a decade tells me that, whatever the number, it's about equal for women and men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is short, intense bursts of time with somebody.

I want to share everything with him, but since I don't see him often, and we avoid an electronic trail, I have to save it all up. Sometimes I forget things, miss things. I want to share the books I'm reading with him. Or TV I'm watching. Or things I've thought about. The things I'm trying to work out. My work goals. My problem children.

We have to allot time for sex and for conversation, which cuts into both. Sometimes I see him and can't touch him or have sex with him. He's right there, but inaccessible. And he and I have fantastic chemistry, which is something I don't have with my husband.

Its very very limited in time - Like a tiny mini vacation when I see him, but also like a mini marriage. I know about his health concerns, his family issues, his work issues. But I don't know about his finances or have any of the work/family responsibilities. He knows all about my kids, but doesn't have any direct contact or responsibility. I'm not sure he could even identify them in a crowd. It's birthday and vacation sex that I want to have instead of sex that I feel required to have. It's, for me, knowing for the first time what real longing for another person is. I can be open with him and not expect to get judged as I would by my kids and husband. It is feeling alive and liking who I am with him.

I've never had an overnight with him. I'm sure he snores and steals the covers and is generally a bed hog since he's significantly taller than I am. We would have been a great couple, but circumstances are such that we aren't a couple at all. We exist on little mini dates that are all free of responsibility and care and are simply tiny vacations from reality.

You are a selfish and entitled brat. And a horrible mother and human being.

You beat me to the punch. Or she's a sociopath.

Wrong. She is actually a good mother. She is sacrificing her happiness to keep her family together. A selfish mother would have divorced . Do what you gotta donto survive and be there for your kids.

I'm probably a little bit of all of the above. Except entitled brat. That I'm not. But selfish, horrible mother and human being, sociopath, good mother ... I'm all those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You beat me to the punch. Or she's a sociopath.

Damn it’s a lotta sociopaths out here.

According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, national surveys indicate that 15 percent of married women and 25 percent of married men have had extramarital affairs. The incidence is about 20 percent higher when emotional and sexual relationships without intercourse are included. ~ Jan 22, 2018

My own extensive experience, going on over a decade tells me that, whatever the number, it's about equal for women and men.

That must be why there's so many recurring posts about affairs and cheating. Everybody's doing it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is short, intense bursts of time with somebody.

I want to share everything with him, but since I don't see him often, and we avoid an electronic trail, I have to save it all up. Sometimes I forget things, miss things. I want to share the books I'm reading with him. Or TV I'm watching. Or things I've thought about. The things I'm trying to work out. My work goals. My problem children.

We have to allot time for sex and for conversation, which cuts into both. Sometimes I see him and can't touch him or have sex with him. He's right there, but inaccessible. And he and I have fantastic chemistry, which is something I don't have with my husband.

Its very very limited in time - Like a tiny mini vacation when I see him, but also like a mini marriage. I know about his health concerns, his family issues, his work issues. But I don't know about his finances or have any of the work/family responsibilities. He knows all about my kids, but doesn't have any direct contact or responsibility. I'm not sure he could even identify them in a crowd. It's birthday and vacation sex that I want to have instead of sex that I feel required to have. It's, for me, knowing for the first time what real longing for another person is. I can be open with him and not expect to get judged as I would by my kids and husband. It is feeling alive and liking who I am with him.

I've never had an overnight with him. I'm sure he snores and steals the covers and is generally a bed hog since he's significantly taller than I am. We would have been a great couple, but circumstances are such that we aren't a couple at all. We exist on little mini dates that are all free of responsibility and care and are simply tiny vacations from reality.

This sums all three of mine, spread out over twenty years of marriage. Life is complicated.

NP. Same for me. During my AP years (first marriage) I was a serial monogamistic cheater. Always the single woman girlfriend experience which, depending on how often we could see each other, would last between 9 and 12 months. The relationships always ended when they reached the point that I would have had to leave DW and I wouldn’t pull the trigger.