How much money to leave aunt watching kids while we travel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - Aunt is the most wonderful, kind, and generous person but I did not want to leave her with nothing. I did not want to seem like we were taking advantage of her. I ended up venmoing her $750. She immediately got insulted and sent it right back to me. So there's that. We talked about it. She said "how dare you pay me to watch my nieces and nephews. I'm so excited to spend the week with them." I then told her when we dropped them off I would leave a credit card just in case. She pushed back but I'm doing it anyway. I'll give it to my 13 year old if she continues to balk. Better safe than sorry.

I agree with the Aunt. Do not push back. What does that mean, better safe than sorry. Are you saying she literally can't afford to do whatever she is planning? If that is not the case, stop pushing the money on her. Seriously, it is insulting and it interferes with your relationship. Do not listen to most of DCUM on this. DCUM doesn't know how to do family. Don't treat her like a babysitter or a nanny. Instead, send her something nice (gift or giftcard to favorite place) AFTER it's done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - Aunt is the most wonderful, kind, and generous person but I did not want to leave her with nothing. I did not want to seem like we were taking advantage of her. I ended up venmoing her $750. She immediately got insulted and sent it right back to me. So there's that. We talked about it. She said "how dare you pay me to watch my nieces and nephews. I'm so excited to spend the week with them." I then told her when we dropped them off I would leave a credit card just in case. She pushed back but I'm doing it anyway. I'll give it to my 13 year old if she continues to balk. Better safe than sorry.

Op, if you offered money to your sister and she sent it back, then that’s that. You got your answer. No need to sneak credit cards to your 13 year old. Bring your sister a nice gift from wherever you are going.

[Anonymous]

I would leave $500 and a credit card. I would tell her to use it freely. But I would not pay her unless she needed the $. That is not how we do things.

[Anonymous]

It also shows aunt that she should never ask anything of you OP as your view would be that she would need to compensate you for it. That you would only help her if he hired you and compensated you financially for your help.

Aunt isn't like you OP. She sees your kids as part of her famy and enjoys being with them and getting to do things for them. Her famy of famy is not that any time with her nieces/nephews must be paid time.

You can't see her side because the idea of helping without beig paid for it is foreign to you and you would frel insilted and taken advantage of if someone didn't pau you for your time. She can't see your side because the idea of being paid for helping family is foreign to her and insulted by your perception that she is hired help.

Lots of people in this thread on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leaving 3 kids with their single, childless aunt for 8 days. How much money should we leave per child to cover expenses and just for her troubles (taking and picking them up from camp)? They will be in camp all day and it provides lunch. She needs to provide dinner 6 days (2 days they have dinner plans paid for) and there is a weekend involved.

are you assuming she will cook or go out? If she is cooking, leave the fridge and pantry stocked and $500 to cover incidentals and weekend entertainment. Then when you return, a nice gift (preferably something she needs but can’t afford) and $1000 check. We pay $60 a day for someone to stay at our house and take care of our dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leaving 3 kids with their single, childless aunt for 8 days. How much money should we leave per child to cover expenses and just for her troubles (taking and picking them up from camp)? They will be in camp all day and it provides lunch. She needs to provide dinner 6 days (2 days they have dinner plans paid for) and there is a weekend involved.

are you assuming she will cook or go out? If she is cooking, leave the fridge and pantry stocked and $500 to cover incidentals and weekend entertainment. Then when you return, a nice gift (preferably something she needs but can’t afford) and $1000 check. We pay $60 a day for someone to stay at our house and take care of our dog.

Another person who does not understand the difference between a dogsitter and an Auntie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - Aunt is the most wonderful, kind, and generous person but I did not want to leave her with nothing. I did not want to seem like we were taking advantage of her. I ended up venmoing her $750. She immediately got insulted and sent it right back to me. So there's that. We talked about it. She said "how dare you pay me to watch my nieces and nephews. I'm so excited to spend the week with them." I then told her when we dropped them off I would leave a credit card just in case. She pushed back but I'm doing it anyway. I'll give it to my 13 year old if she continues to balk. Better safe than sorry.

How old are your kids, Op? I know that once mine got past a certain age they were more fun than work; more company than babysitting.

I do think that you should have left enough money to cover meals, gas, entertainment. But maybe your sister wants the opportunity to spoil her nieces and nephews .

Most family don't like being treated like hired help. They would like to think you see them as different from a babysitter you might hire off a website. I don't know why you keep insisting when she has clearly told you how she feels. You aren't taking advantage of her. You should have known it would be insting and you did it anyway.

You offer and if she says "no thanks" then you leave it at that. It might be a good idea to leave a credit card somewhere in the house so that if an emergency does come up or if the expenses of caring for 3 kids was more than she realized they would be, at least she would have access to money *if* she needs it.

You, as the parent, can not ASSume that aunts and grandparents are able to watch your kids for 8 days AND pay for everything out of pocket. You always at least offer to leave money for food/gas/entertainment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. These posts surprise me. I am the aunt who has do e this before and the idea of being paid is insulting. For those of you who believe any assistance should be financially compensated, how do you negotiate that. If an elderly parent asks for help with a task, do you give them a quote for how much that will cost? Do you ever do anything for others without expecting and requesting payment? What if people are initially aught off guard or don't pay you when you helped out, so you just drop them?


I had no idea that so many people felt that helping a family member out should be financially compensated.

eh, the aunt shouldn't be out of pocket 8 days worth of food/gas/entertainment for 3 kids. While I agree that a babysitting fee might seem to be a little too "hired help", the parents absolutely should leave money to cover the aunt's expenses.

How old are the kids? If they are teenagers driving themselves around and the aunt is just there to make sure that house parties don't happen then expenses would be lower.

ITA. Even a pizza dinner, taking them to a movie or to the zoo etc- can get expensive quickly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you figuring this per child? I’d give her $500 for the whole shabang.

That’s insane. Why would anyone watch three kids for 8 days for a measly 500, including their activities a food. That is basically zero after other stuff.

1500-2000 for the total.

[Anonymous]

If she sent back the money, then you come back with lovely, personalized gifts for her, reservations for a spa day, edibles, tickets to shows or something else you think she would enjoy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - Aunt is the most wonderful, kind, and generous person but I did not want to leave her with nothing. I did not want to seem like we were taking advantage of her. I ended up venmoing her $750. She immediately got insulted and sent it right back to me. So there's that. We talked about it. She said "how dare you pay me to watch my nieces and nephews. I'm so excited to spend the week with them." I then told her when we dropped them off I would leave a credit card just in case. She pushed back but I'm doing it anyway. I'll give it to my 13 year old if she continues to balk. Better safe than sorry.

How old are your kids, Op? I know that once mine got past a certain age they were more fun than work; more company than babysitting.

I do think that you should have left enough money to cover meals, gas, entertainment. But maybe your sister wants the opportunity to spoil her nieces and nephews .

My kids are 13, 11, and 9. She's not related to us by blood but we've known her so long and we're such good friends the kids call her "Aunt ___."

[Anonymous]

I'm an aunt, and would not let my brother and his wife pay me to take care of my niece. She's family. I love her.

When I've babysat her, I've let them pay for my Uber home, but that's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It also shows aunt that she should never ask anything of you OP as your view would be that she would need to compensate you for it. That you would only help her if he hired you and compensated you financially for your help.

Aunt isn't like you OP. She sees your kids as part of her famy and enjoys being with them and getting to do things for them. Her famy of famy is not that any time with her nieces/nephews must be paid time.

You can't see her side because the idea of helping without beig paid for it is foreign to you and you would frel insilted and taken advantage of if someone didn't pau you for your time. She can't see your side because the idea of being paid for helping family is foreign to her and insulted by your perception that she is hired help.

Lots of people in this thread on both sides.

I'm the OP and have watched my SILs 4 kids for 2 weeks and asked for nothing. So I basically had 7 children for 14 days. I took no money and was offered none. And I was fine with that. So not sure why my offering money implies I expect money. I offered money because my friend/their Aunt is doing us a huge favor, is not a blood relative, and doesn't have to do any of it and I didn't want my children to be a burden.

[Anonymous]

I'd leave her a credit card and be serious when you tell her that she should use it for any and all expenses, from gas to grocery to entertainment. When you return, ask her if there were any cash expenses that she couldn't use the credit card for, and reimburse her. Or you could also leave a lesser amount of cash with her upfront, say a couple hundred dollars, in addition to the credit card.

Once you return, send a very generous thank you gift, such as a massage/facial/manicure package gift card or gift card to her favorite store. Nordstrom or Anthropoligie are always winners!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - Aunt is the most wonderful, kind, and generous person but I did not want to leave her with nothing. I did not want to seem like we were taking advantage of her. I ended up venmoing her $750. She immediately got insulted and sent it right back to me. So there's that. We talked about it. She said "how dare you pay me to watch my nieces and nephews. I'm so excited to spend the week with them." I then told her when we dropped them off I would leave a credit card just in case. She pushed back but I'm doing it anyway. I'll give it to my 13 year old if she continues to balk. Better safe than sorry.

I agree with the Aunt. Do not push back. What does that mean, better safe than sorry. Are you saying she literally can't afford to do whatever she is planning? If that is not the case, stop pushing the money on her. Seriously, it is insulting and it interferes with your relationship. Do not listen to most of DCUM on this. DCUM doesn't know how to do family. Don't treat her like a babysitter or a nanny. Instead, send her something nice (gift or giftcard to favorite place) AFTER it's done.

Well that's a very sweet and genuine sister you have. Ok, if no cash or credit card, you simply send a cool gift a week after you get back. You tell her that you and your kids wanted to pick out something meaningful together for her, to show how much you love and appreciate her.