How to politely say “no siblings” invited to my sons bday party?

[Anonymous]

Is it drop off? If so, rude and I would just say that the party is only for kids in the class.

If it isn't drop off and you are expecting parents and you didn't say anything, then families will think they can come

[Anonymous]

Is it drop off? If so, rude and I would just say that the party is only for kids in the class.

If it isn't drop off and you are expecting parents and you didn't say anything, then families will think they can come

[Anonymous]

I think its fine to specify no siblings but you have to realize that many people may not come. At this age, not every kid is fine with a drop off. If the family has other kids they may not want to split up on one of their only weekend days for the party or if one is busy with something up, a preschool party is not worth arranging childcare.

For some cultures. it is expected that the entire family attend. Our Middle Eastern and Indian friends always expected our entire family including the older siblings to come even though the older siblings had zero interest in doing this. Our Chinese and Korean friends were less comfortable with drop offs or sleep overs unless they knew you really well. Our wonder bread white friends barely slowed their minivan as the let the kids out of the car and drove off. I'm not joking here -2 would basically just come to a rolling stop and then keep going which shocked our other friends.

Point is -don't be offended just be clear about what you expect and are offering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I also think it’s so ridiculous that both parents want to come to the party even when they have 1 kid, but there’s nothing to do about that.


I think it’s too late to change the evite- we already have 19 adults and 10 kids. Live and learn for next year!

My ExDH and I tend to both go to most birthday parties so we can meet other parents in DD's class.

Yup. If you don’t want a drop offs and the parents aren’t friends then you are gonna get both parents sometimes. Dh and I absolutely go together for a few reasons. We both like to meet new people and are extroverts, we also like to have each other to chat with if the party is long and boring, we really like our kid and enjoy watching him have fun, and often we are either coming or going to something after the party and would rather not backtrack or bother with both cars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are weird. Lots of people will roll up with mom, dad and sibs to a party. My husband would have rather died than do that during those years, but if you want to have a no siblings party, it needs to be at a place you pay per kid. Next time have a party with 3 families you’re all friends with. The kid doesn’t care.

People aren’t “weird.” Well, maybe some are. But in a lot of cultures, this is totally normal.

I assume she's offering her husband as the example of a weird person here.

Your husband wants to go to parties with the whole fam to random people’s houses from the 4 year old preschooler’s class on Saturday? You must give a lot of BJs bc that is not normally what people like to do on the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are weird. Lots of people will roll up with mom, dad and sibs to a party. My husband would have rather died than do that during those years, but if you want to have a no siblings party, it needs to be at a place you pay per kid. Next time have a party with 3 families you’re all friends with. The kid doesn’t care.

People aren’t “weird.” Well, maybe some are. But in a lot of cultures, this is totally normal.

I assume she's offering her husband as the example of a weird person here.

Your husband wants to go to parties with the whole fam to random people’s houses from the 4 year old preschooler’s class on Saturday? You must give a lot of BJs bc that is not normally what people like to do on the weekend.

We legit have fun together and love hanging out with the kids. Weekends are fun days bc we are all together. I think we would be sad if we always split up. Ours our young so I know it’s bound to happen but when the four of us are together we bring the party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I also think it’s so ridiculous that both parents want to come to the party even when they have 1 kid, but there’s nothing to do about that.


I think it’s too late to change the evite- we already have 19 adults and 10 kids. Live and learn for next year!

Why is it a big deal? We'll go together so we have someone else to talk to. Often times the parents are clique and never speak to us or just a few minutes so at least we have each other. You should not have it at your home or should have said no siblings if that was the intention.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea when this trend started, but I find it super odd. I suspect I'm younger than most women on this board, and never ever in my (very urban, very diverse, coastal area childhood) did anyone's sibling show up at any of our parties.

As for it being the norm in some cultures -- sure, maybe so; but it certainly hasn't been the norm in American culture!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea when this trend started, but I find it super odd. I suspect I'm younger than most women on this board, and never ever in my (very urban, very diverse, coastal area childhood) did anyone's sibling show up at any of our parties.

As for it being the norm in some cultures -- sure, maybe so; but it certainly hasn't been the norm in American culture!

I think this is a change that came in when parents staying for birthday parties became a thing. I'm almost older than you, my oldest kid is 20, and the idea that parents would stay was around by then. In contrast, when I was a kid, unless it was a family party with all the relatives, no one stayed. I've looked through the pictures, and even the party when I turned 4 (the first party I can find evidence of) was just kids and my mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are weird. Lots of people will roll up with mom, dad and sibs to a party. My husband would have rather died than do that during those years, but if you want to have a no siblings party, it needs to be at a place you pay per kid. Next time have a party with 3 families you’re all friends with. The kid doesn’t care.

People aren’t “weird.” Well, maybe some are. But in a lot of cultures, this is totally normal.

I assume she's offering her husband as the example of a weird person here.

Your husband wants to go to parties with the whole fam to random people’s houses from the 4 year old preschooler’s class on Saturday? You must give a lot of BJs bc that is not normally what people like to do on the weekend.

We legit have fun together and love hanging out with the kids. Weekends are fun days bc we are all together. I think we would be sad if we always split up. Ours our young so I know it’s bound to happen but when the four of us are together we bring the party

Cute. We have a lot of fun together, too, but the venue for fun family time never was a preschooler party for a non-family friend where the kids play and the adults chat. If that’s your jam, great! If it’s family friends, great, tons of fun. Randoms, no thanks. One parent would take that on as a to-do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I also think it’s so ridiculous that both parents want to come to the party even when they have 1 kid, but there’s nothing to do about that.


I think it’s too late to change the evite- we already have 19 adults and 10 kids. Live and learn for next year!

The point of preschool birthday parties is for families to meet. Why wouldn't you want to meet both parents?

Exactly. You lost my sympathy, OP. These people just want to meet other parents in their kid's preschool. That's completely normal.

Meet them at school functions and stop inviting yourself to other people's houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I also think it’s so ridiculous that both parents want to come to the party even when they have 1 kid, but there’s nothing to do about that.


I think it’s too late to change the evite- we already have 19 adults and 10 kids. Live and learn for next year!

The point of preschool birthday parties is for families to meet. Why wouldn't you want to meet both parents?

Exactly. You lost my sympathy, OP. These people just want to meet other parents in their kid's preschool. That's completely normal.

Meet them at school functions and stop inviting yourself to other people's houses.

I like it when both parents come to our parties. My husband LOVES having other dads to meet/get to know. Its a party people, not a chore.

[Anonymous]

You need to update the invitation ASAP so you don't get other responses like this.

You should have clearly invited the child in the class only (specified by name) and indicated that siblings were not welcome. You didn't.

As such, I would let the family that already RSVP'd come, but no other entire families.

Personally, I think its rude to take back an invite once accepted. Just do better moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate it when siblings aren't mentioned. I've been to quite a few birthday parties with DD and then they ask where my son is! I would have brought him but didn't know who was allowed. I think invites should always mention siblings.

Agreed! I'm in that situation right now. My son was invited to a party (5th bday) this weekend and it just dawned on me that my daughter is now old enough (almost 2) to possibly not be ok to bring along. I think parents get so used to (or at least my family has) at this young age to doing everything together that they forget when their younger kids start to get older that they aren't necessarily ok to have tag along.

I know the other parents to a certain extent so I was going to text the mom to tell her that I was going to bring my daughter but just pay to have her play at the party place and not have her join in on the food. Is that ok? Does it sound like I'm fishing? (I'm not). I just wanted to be able to go still as a family. I also fear that if one parent did stay home with our younger child the parents giving the party would ask where we were since they are very hospitable people.

It's tricky on both sides! Any help is appreciated!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I also think it’s so ridiculous that both parents want to come to the party even when they have 1 kid, but there’s nothing to do about that.


I think it’s too late to change the evite- we already have 19 adults and 10 kids. Live and learn for next year!

This is actually standard for the families we interface with/preschool our kids go to. Everyone just does everything together. We always did when we had one kid. Why would one parents want to either be left out or saddle the other parent with solo kid duties for no reason?