How to politely say “no siblings” invited to my sons bday party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just flummoxed that people consider time socializing with acquaintances from a child’s preschool family time. One of us takes the kid/kids and then we have actual quality family time. Socializing with people we barely know while the kids play is not marital or family time and is certainly not a relief after the work week. Just one perspective as people plan these parties-many people consider them to be a bore and a chore.

I agree once the kids are older, but for preschool when we had just one we would sometimes both go to get to get to know the other parents. Some of these people now are good friends because of the effort DH and I both put in during those years, including at parties. And parties at home like OP is describing were the best for this, because often the adults had separate food and adult drinks, which encouraged them to hang out together and socialize.

Why are you co-opting someone else’s hosting and their CHILD’S Party for your networking needs? Want to get to know the other parents? Go buy some wine, food, and put out an invitation for everyone to bring their entire families to YOUR house so your can get to know them.

[Anonymous]

I would never bring a sibling without asking first, but normally people having a party at their home are doing it because they expect siblings. Most people will think twice about bringing a sibling to a pay-per-head place like Badlands or Jumping Joeys but would assume everyone is welcome at a home party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate it when siblings aren't mentioned. I've been to quite a few birthday parties with DD and then they ask where my son is! I would have brought him but didn't know who was allowed. I think invites should always mention siblings.

I don’t mention siblings on my invites because I typically have booked a venue with a headcount cap. As I receive regrets from some families, I call or text the families I know have kids the same age as my younger child and ask if they want to bring their other kids. I don’t prohibit siblings because I know sow families have logistical issues where one parent might need to bring more than one kid and I don’t need them to explain themselves to me. I find that most people don’t rsvp with siblings and the ones that do are the few families we know who seem to do everything together as a group of 4-6 people. Those “big group always together” are also the ones who tend to explicitly include my younger child so it all works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just flummoxed that people consider time socializing with acquaintances from a child’s preschool family time. One of us takes the kid/kids and then we have actual quality family time. Socializing with people we barely know while the kids play is not marital or family time and is certainly not a relief after the work week. Just one perspective as people plan these parties-many people consider them to be a bore and a chore.

I agree once the kids are older, but for preschool when we had just one we would sometimes both go to get to get to know the other parents. Some of these people now are good friends because of the effort DH and I both put in during those years, including at parties. And parties at home like OP is describing were the best for this, because often the adults had separate food and adult drinks, which encouraged them to hang out together and socialize.

Yes, but that means it’s networking time, not family time. You all went and socialized with the other parents and made friends. That seems to be the point of a party—but you sound normal in that you did it to make friends and not in the name of spending more time with your husband and family. When the whole fam is invited, the host wants you to do this! When not, they are having a kids’ party and not a networking event or a providing a venue for others’ “family time.”

Yes, but OP didn’t specify this. In fact by having it in her home and not saying anything, she implied just the opposite, yet now is annoyed at parents for both RSVPing yes. I have never heard of a party invite that limits attendees to the child in the class and one parent. I have had invites that day no siblings, but never one that says “one parent only please.” But if that is what OP wanted then she should have made it clear when she set up the evite.

So you assume all are invited unless you are specifically told No?

What a nightmare, and all for a CHILD'S birthday party. Not a family get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just flummoxed that people consider time socializing with acquaintances from a child’s preschool family time. One of us takes the kid/kids and then we have actual quality family time. Socializing with people we barely know while the kids play is not marital or family time and is certainly not a relief after the work week. Just one perspective as people plan these parties-many people consider them to be a bore and a chore.

I agree once the kids are older, but for preschool when we had just one we would sometimes both go to get to get to know the other parents. Some of these people now are good friends because of the effort DH and I both put in during those years, including at parties. And parties at home like OP is describing were the best for this, because often the adults had separate food and adult drinks, which encouraged them to hang out together and socialize.

Yes, but that means it’s networking time, not family time. You all went and socialized with the other parents and made friends. That seems to be the point of a party—but you sound normal in that you did it to make friends and not in the name of spending more time with your husband and family. When the whole fam is invited, the host wants you to do this! When not, they are having a kids’ party and not a networking event or a providing a venue for others’ “family time.”

Yes, but OP didn’t specify this. In fact by having it in her home and not saying anything, she implied just the opposite, yet now is annoyed at parents for both RSVPing yes. I have never heard of a party invite that limits attendees to the child in the class and one parent. I have had invites that day no siblings, but never one that says “one parent only please.” But if that is what OP wanted then she should have made it clear when she set up the evite.

So you assume all are invited unless you are specifically told No?

What a nightmare, and all for a CHILD'S birthday party. Not a family get together.

Listen, if OP wants to micromanage who comes to a birthday party in her home for preschool kids, she should make it clear in the evite, when it is first sent out. Otherwise, norms for preschool where I am is that others are invited. That's on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just flummoxed that people consider time socializing with acquaintances from a child’s preschool family time. One of us takes the kid/kids and then we have actual quality family time. Socializing with people we barely know while the kids play is not marital or family time and is certainly not a relief after the work week. Just one perspective as people plan these parties-many people consider them to be a bore and a chore.

I agree once the kids are older, but for preschool when we had just one we would sometimes both go to get to get to know the other parents. Some of these people now are good friends because of the effort DH and I both put in during those years, including at parties. And parties at home like OP is describing were the best for this, because often the adults had separate food and adult drinks, which encouraged them to hang out together and socialize.

Yes, but that means it’s networking time, not family time. You all went and socialized with the other parents and made friends. That seems to be the point of a party—but you sound normal in that you did it to make friends and not in the name of spending more time with your husband and family. When the whole fam is invited, the host wants you to do this! When not, they are having a kids’ party and not a networking event or a providing a venue for others’ “family time.”

Yes, but OP didn’t specify this. In fact by having it in her home and not saying anything, she implied just the opposite, yet now is annoyed at parents for both RSVPing yes. I have never heard of a party invite that limits attendees to the child in the class and one parent. I have had invites that day no siblings, but never one that says “one parent only please.” But if that is what OP wanted then she should have made it clear when she set up the evite.

So you assume all are invited unless you are specifically told No?

What a nightmare, and all for a CHILD'S birthday party. Not a family get together.

Listen, if OP wants to micromanage who comes to a birthday party in her home for preschool kids, she should make it clear in the evite, when it is first sent out. Otherwise, norms for preschool where I am is that others are invited. That's on her.

Only entitled people shift the blame for their own bad behaviour onto others. It’s not “micromanaging” to expect that guests at yur party will be limited to those actually invited.

Did the invitation day “Larlo Smith and family” or just “Larlo Smith”?

You don’t get a pass on rude behaviour and bringing uninvited guests to an event, just because it’s a child’s party. You haven’t been summoned; if the terms of the invite don’t satisfy you, you decline it.

If it’s the

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just flummoxed that people consider time socializing with acquaintances from a child’s preschool family time. One of us takes the kid/kids and then we have actual quality family time. Socializing with people we barely know while the kids play is not marital or family time and is certainly not a relief after the work week. Just one perspective as people plan these parties-many people consider them to be a bore and a chore.

I agree once the kids are older, but for preschool when we had just one we would sometimes both go to get to get to know the other parents. Some of these people now are good friends because of the effort DH and I both put in during those years, including at parties. And parties at home like OP is describing were the best for this, because often the adults had separate food and adult drinks, which encouraged them to hang out together and socialize.

Yes, but that means it’s networking time, not family time. You all went and socialized with the other parents and made friends. That seems to be the point of a party—but you sound normal in that you did it to make friends and not in the name of spending more time with your husband and family. When the whole fam is invited, the host wants you to do this! When not, they are having a kids’ party and not a networking event or a providing a venue for others’ “family time.”

Yes, but OP didn’t specify this. In fact by having it in her home and not saying anything, she implied just the opposite, yet now is annoyed at parents for both RSVPing yes. I have never heard of a party invite that limits attendees to the child in the class and one parent. I have had invites that day no siblings, but never one that says “one parent only please.” But if that is what OP wanted then she should have made it clear when she set up the evite.

So you assume all are invited unless you are specifically told No?

What a nightmare, and all for a CHILD'S birthday party. Not a family get together.

Listen, if OP wants to micromanage who comes to a birthday party in her home for preschool kids, she should make it clear in the evite, when it is first sent out. Otherwise, norms for preschool where I am is that others are invited. That's on her.

Only entitled people shift the blame for their own bad behaviour onto others. It’s not “micromanaging” to expect that guests at yur party will be limited to those actually invited.

Did the invitation day “Larlo Smith and family” or just “Larlo Smith”?

You don’t get a pass on rude behaviour and bringing uninvited guests to an event, just because it’s a child’s party. You haven’t been summoned; if the terms of the invite don’t satisfy you, you decline it.

If it’s the

I'm sure it didn't say anything. It was just sent to the emails of the people in the class.

[Anonymous]

I am still the one confused by people who literally WANT to go to a random 4 year old's party who they don't know and talk to strangers. Don't people have actual friends and hobbies that they can barely fit in with work and other obligations? Get at life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still the one confused by people who literally WANT to go to a random 4 year old's party who they don't know and talk to strangers. Don't people have actual friends and hobbies that they can barely fit in with work and other obligations? Get at life.

You sound like a lovely person!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am just flummoxed that people consider time socializing with acquaintances from a child’s preschool family time. One of us takes the kid/kids and then we have actual quality family time. Socializing with people we barely know while the kids play is not marital or family time and is certainly not a relief after the work week. Just one perspective as people plan these parties-many people consider them to be a bore and a chore.

I think they would be a bore and a chore without my partner there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just flummoxed that people consider time socializing with acquaintances from a child’s preschool family time. One of us takes the kid/kids and then we have actual quality family time. Socializing with people we barely know while the kids play is not marital or family time and is certainly not a relief after the work week. Just one perspective as people plan these parties-many people consider them to be a bore and a chore.

I agree once the kids are older, but for preschool when we had just one we would sometimes both go to get to get to know the other parents. Some of these people now are good friends because of the effort DH and I both put in during those years, including at parties. And parties at home like OP is describing were the best for this, because often the adults had separate food and adult drinks, which encouraged them to hang out together and socialize.

Why are you co-opting someone else’s hosting and their CHILD’S Party for your networking needs? Want to get to know the other parents? Go buy some wine, food, and put out an invitation for everyone to bring their entire families to YOUR house so your can get to know them.

That isn't networking...it is making family friends. It is nice to make friends with other families where the kids are friendly/go to school together. That way you can do things as family groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just flummoxed that people consider time socializing with acquaintances from a child’s preschool family time. One of us takes the kid/kids and then we have actual quality family time. Socializing with people we barely know while the kids play is not marital or family time and is certainly not a relief after the work week. Just one perspective as people plan these parties-many people consider them to be a bore and a chore.

I agree once the kids are older, but for preschool when we had just one we would sometimes both go to get to get to know the other parents. Some of these people now are good friends because of the effort DH and I both put in during those years, including at parties. And parties at home like OP is describing were the best for this, because often the adults had separate food and adult drinks, which encouraged them to hang out together and socialize.

Yes, but that means it’s networking time, not family time. You all went and socialized with the other parents and made friends. That seems to be the point of a party—but you sound normal in that you did it to make friends and not in the name of spending more time with your husband and family. When the whole fam is invited, the host wants you to do this! When not, they are having a kids’ party and not a networking event or a providing a venue for others’ “family time.”

Yes, but OP didn’t specify this. In fact by having it in her home and not saying anything, she implied just the opposite, yet now is annoyed at parents for both RSVPing yes. I have never heard of a party invite that limits attendees to the child in the class and one parent. I have had invites that day no siblings, but never one that says “one parent only please.” But if that is what OP wanted then she should have made it clear when she set up the evite.

So you assume all are invited unless you are specifically told No?

What a nightmare, and all for a CHILD'S birthday party. Not a family get together.

Listen, if OP wants to micromanage who comes to a birthday party in her home for preschool kids, she should make it clear in the evite, when it is first sent out. Otherwise, norms for preschool where I am is that others are invited. That's on her.

Only entitled people shift the blame for their own bad behaviour onto others. It’s not “micromanaging” to expect that guests at yur party will be limited to those actually invited.

Did the invitation day “Larlo Smith and family” or just “Larlo Smith”?

You don’t get a pass on rude behaviour and bringing uninvited guests to an event, just because it’s a child’s party. You haven’t been summoned; if the terms of the invite don’t satisfy you, you decline it.

If it’s the

If it is a party for younger children then I think that child (not siblings unless it is a little baby) and both parents are welcome. As they get older then I would assume just the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate it when siblings aren't mentioned. I've been to quite a few birthday parties with DD and then they ask where my son is! I would have brought him but didn't know who was allowed. I think invites should always mention siblings.

Agreed! I'm in that situation right now. My son was invited to a party (5th bday) this weekend and it just dawned on me that my daughter is now old enough (almost 2) to possibly not be ok to bring along. I think parents get so used to (or at least my family has) at this young age to doing everything together that they forget when their younger kids start to get older that they aren't necessarily ok to have tag along.

I know the other parents to a certain extent so I was going to text the mom to tell her that I was going to bring my daughter but just pay to have her play at the party place and not have her join in on the food. Is that ok? Does it sound like I'm fishing? (I'm not). I just wanted to be able to go still as a family. I also fear that if one parent did stay home with our younger child the parents giving the party would ask where we were since they are very hospitable people.

It's tricky on both sides! Any help is appreciated!

No, I do not think this is OK. I think it is OK to ask "Can DD come? If yes, we will pay her cost. If no, we have other arrangements!". It's okay to just tell the host that you are bringing her though.

If the party is at a public place where anyone can pay to attend then I think it is 100% fine!