Are kids’ fill in the blank thank you cards tacky?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on kid. Since age 3, I expect my kid to make some effort on thank you notes. Even if is just signing her name and drawing a pic. She is 6 now and is on her second order of personalized stationary. Im from the south so I think all cards should be monogrammed (and definitely don't have THANK YOU preprinted on them). Its sooooo tedious but my family really really loves to get them. They also send her tons of gifts so she better show some appreciation and make the effort. No excuses.

This sounds exhausting.

It is. But her grandparents put in a ton of effort to buy fun things for her, wrap every thing and then ship to her for every holiday. EVERY holiday including at pats day. Getting her to focus and write notes is tedious and I have told my parents they don’t need to do that but they seem to love it. So yes, my kid better show some damn effort and appreciation. It’s excruciating for me to push her to get through some of these notes. I told her she is welcome to call her grandparents and tel them not to send her anything else as an alternative. That doesn’t happen.I guess I’m a hard ass. Manners and home training matter.

I'm with you. Extended family members shower my kids with gifts, so the least they can do is spend half an hour putting some effort into thanking them. My 8yo has now mastered the format ("Thank you for the blank. I can't wait to....") so now does them without me even asking.

And I'd say at least 50% of my kids' friends follow up with notes for gifts after parties.

[Anonymous]

We have done them when the parties have been large. Maybe we're tacky, but it's the only way we could get them done in a reasonable amount of time.

[Anonymous]

If this is tacky I give up. I don't think there's anything I hate more than thank you notes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By this thread, you’d think a lot of people sent out thank you notes, but I’ve received very few— and this is across a wide range of demographics (my kid’s preschool served a very different demographic than her ES). My BFF’s kids always do it. We always do them. Ummmm a couple of other random kids through the years. Maybe. And these are lovely people. I don’t judge them on a moral level, but it’s a little disappointing.

DD is only 3 but we go to about 7 birthday parties a year. I haven't ever NOT received a thank you card. Our birthday parties are with moms group and playgroup friends though, so I know the moms really well. Maybe it's different when you invite daycare classes and the parents don't know each other at all.

Nah, we're fairly close to most of these people, and most don't have their kids send thank yous. Ah, well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By this thread, you’d think a lot of people sent out thank you notes, but I’ve received very few— and this is across a wide range of demographics (my kid’s preschool served a very different demographic than her ES). My BFF’s kids always do it. We always do them. Ummmm a couple of other random kids through the years. Maybe. And these are lovely people. I don’t judge them on a moral level, but it’s a little disappointing.

I think that's really good news. It's a stupid tradition that should go away. I am so glad to receive fewer of them every year. I still send them because if the gossiping harpies on this thread, but hate them.

+1. They’re silly. Who cares? Are you seriously giving/sending a $20 birthday gift to a freaking kid with the expectation of getting a 10 cent notecard back in return? Just save your postage and paper.

Must everything be a financial transaction with you? You sound like the kind of person who thinks people who give $150/person weddings should get $150 presents. Or who left impersonal "thank yous" at every wedding placesetting in order not to have to send notes.

The point is for kids (as everyone) to express gratitude for generosity. If they opened the presents in person, the giver could experience that gratitude directly, but in the DC area, at least, that no longer seems de rigueur. Kids ESPECIALLY are excited to see what their friends think of the presents they gave. Might as well send a note of some kind! Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Thank PP. DC parents are so rude. These are the same parents who can’t be bothered to RSVP to parties either or post things like “what do I do on a play date?” And “why don’t I have friends”— seems so DC, so basic and tedious. Now manners and gratitude are out of style?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank PP. DC parents are so rude. These are the same parents who can’t be bothered to RSVP to parties either or post things like “what do I do on a play date?” And “why don’t I have friends”— seems so DC, so basic and tedious. Now manners and gratitude are out of style?

Nope. I always RSVP, I host tons of playdates, and have a lot of friends. But I think thank you notes as a tradition cannot go away fast enough. Also equating "gratitude" with "thank you note" is just silly and egotistical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on kid. Since age 3, I expect my kid to make some effort on thank you notes. Even if is just signing her name and drawing a pic. She is 6 now and is on her second order of personalized stationary. Im from the south so I think all cards should be monogrammed (and definitely don't have THANK YOU preprinted on them). Its sooooo tedious but my family really really loves to get them. They also send her tons of gifts so she better show some appreciation and make the effort. No excuses.

Same. My boys hate it, but I make them do it anyway. I've ordered stationary from etsy, vista print, and paper source. Vista print seems to be the cheapest and they have lots of designs that you can custom order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on kid. Since age 3, I expect my kid to make some effort on thank you notes. Even if is just signing her name and drawing a pic. She is 6 now and is on her second order of personalized stationary. Im from the south so I think all cards should be monogrammed (and definitely don't have THANK YOU preprinted on them). Its sooooo tedious but my family really really loves to get them. They also send her tons of gifts so she better show some appreciation and make the effort. No excuses.

Same. My boys hate it, but I make them do it anyway. I've ordered stationary from etsy, vista print, and paper source. Vista print seems to be the cheapest and they have lots of designs that you can custom order.

+1

Kids are now 19 and 16 and it is an ingrained habit.

Mission accomplished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Must everything be a financial transaction with you? You sound like the kind of person who thinks people who give $150/person weddings should get $150 presents. Or who left impersonal "thank yous" at every wedding placesetting in order not to have to send notes.

The point is for kids (as everyone) to express gratitude for generosity. If they opened the presents in person, the giver could experience that gratitude directly, but in the DC area, at least, that no longer seems de rigueur. Kids ESPECIALLY are excited to see what their friends think of the presents they gave. Might as well send a note of some kind! Sigh.

+1 This is a child's introduction to one aspect of the give and take of friendship. Thank you notes are pretty standard when the giver wasn't present to see the gift opened (in which case the receiver would have thanked them in person). When the giver puts thought into the choice of present, kids notice. Thank you notes give them a chance to take a moment and appreciate it.

I'm ok with fill in the blank for younger kids. And for older kids who have ADHD, writing problems, whatever.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure I'll get flamed for this, but I don't make my kids do thank you notes any more. I have them call family who send them gifts to say thank you. What they do for friends who get them birthday gifts is now on them. The youngest is 10, and I'm out of this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Must everything be a financial transaction with you? You sound like the kind of person who thinks people who give $150/person weddings should get $150 presents. Or who left impersonal "thank yous" at every wedding placesetting in order not to have to send notes.

The point is for kids (as everyone) to express gratitude for generosity. If they opened the presents in person, the giver could experience that gratitude directly, but in the DC area, at least, that no longer seems de rigueur. Kids ESPECIALLY are excited to see what their friends think of the presents they gave. Might as well send a note of some kind! Sigh.

+1 This is a child's introduction to one aspect of the give and take of friendship. Thank you notes are pretty standard when the giver wasn't present to see the gift opened (in which case the receiver would have thanked them in person). When the giver puts thought into the choice of present, kids notice. Thank you notes give them a chance to take a moment and appreciate it.

I'm ok with fill in the blank for younger kids. And for older kids who have ADHD, writing problems, whatever.

The harpies on this thread don't know when a kid has dyslexia issues or whatever. Neither do you, for that matter. You're all just judging because you are gossips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure I'll get flamed for this, but I don't make my kids do thank you notes any more. I have them call family who send them gifts to say thank you. What they do for friends who get them birthday gifts is now on them. The youngest is 10, and I'm out of this situation.

No flaming from me. Calling is perfectly reasonable and makes far more sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank PP. DC parents are so rude. These are the same parents who can’t be bothered to RSVP to parties either or post things like “what do I do on a play date?” And “why don’t I have friends”— seems so DC, so basic and tedious. Now manners and gratitude are out of style?

Nope. I always RSVP, I host tons of playdates, and have a lot of friends. But I think thank you notes as a tradition cannot go away fast enough. Also equating "gratitude" with "thank you note" is just silly and egotistical.

How in the world is it egotistical to thank someone for a gift? Is it because it’s written? Is that what makes it egotistical? How do your kids thank people for their gifts in a personal way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure I'll get flamed for this, but I don't make my kids do thank you notes any more. I have them call family who send them gifts to say thank you. What they do for friends who get them birthday gifts is now on them. The youngest is 10, and I'm out of this situation.

Look, I’m the one with the long comment about the importance of gratitude and not being transactional, and honestly I’m fine with a phone call, email, in-person thank you. Preferably not simply a generic two-word thank you, especially not before the gift is even opened. More like “thanks for the X, I love it because Y.” Thank you notes are awesome but really people just need to be THANKED. It’s disappointing how infrequently this seems to occur. Maybe 50/50 at best.