What is your awful MIL's perspective?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is truly sad to see women rip apart other women. Nobody mentioning DHs or FILs? This is why women are propagators of patriarchy more than any male ever was or ever will be. Why should they? Women tear each other apart to keep men happy.

Some women tear others apart because they’re insecure. Men don’t care about this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is awful but I've been working hard at understanding her perspective, which is below:

Nothing I ever do is right. I try and try and all DIL does is complain about me. Like when I visited their house as they were wedding planning -- yes, they insisted on living together after they got engaged even though I told them that I was against it since engagements break up all the time -- and I ripped up the wedding invitations before they were stuffed in the calligraphy-addressed envelopes. My vicious and volatile DIL started screaming at me. I did it out of love. I could tell that they were in a bad place. I wasn't against the wedding but it just wasn't the time to get married. They ended up reordering the invitations but they went out late. That's not my fault. I am sorry that DIL got so hurt and so angry. Just to clarify, I'm not sorry that I did it. They had a chance to work through some of their problems because I gave them more time and it all worked out. They should thank me. Now my own DS barely talks to me and it's all my evil DIL's fault. Some marriages are meant to be, like my own, and some are better if they end in divorce, like my husband's ex-wife and my DS and DIL. It's run its course. I love her so I just want what is best for her and I can tell, everyone can tell, that my DS didn't and doesn't love her. Things would be better if she respected my position in this family and understood that a son will always love his mom more than his wife.

What is your MIL's perspective?

This post is super confusing. I took the time to re-read and figured out, but now I wish I hadn't. Dumb, dumb, dumb

And how many hours did that take you? Perhaps you need to reconsider who’s really dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go away troll. That is not her perspective, that is you, you, you, being selfish, not understanding and you have so little empathy you can't even fake her perspective. It would be best for our society if you moved to some high mountains and ate berries and deer that died naturally. You are not worthy of a fresh kill!

The title is awful MIL perspective. Are you usually this slow?

Sweetie, I am not slow at all. All we have is OP's opinion that her MIL is awful. And that OP is not smart, she didn't write her MIL's perspective, she wrote a nasty post tearing down her MIL. I am not about to take it at face value.

[Anonymous]

This is brilliant! Thank you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go away troll. That is not her perspective, that is you, you, you, being selfish, not understanding and you have so little empathy you can't even fake her perspective. It would be best for our society if you moved to some high mountains and ate berries and deer that died naturally. You are not worthy of a fresh kill!

The title is awful MIL perspective. Are you usually this slow?

Sweetie, I am not slow at all. All we have is OP's opinion that her MIL is awful. And that OP is not smart, she didn't write her MIL's perspective, she wrote a nasty post tearing down her MIL. I am not about to take it at face value.

Whatever you say, honey. The topic is obviously too hard for you.

[Anonymous]

This is great OP, thanks!!!

[Anonymous]

I was lucky, I had a wonderful MIL. Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about 4 years after we were married (64?) and it was a late diagnosis. She “lived” 16 more years. It was tragic. I love that we have some of her stuff. It helps keep the memory and her influence alive.

According to DH, his MIL was wonderful too. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go away troll. That is not her perspective, that is you, you, you, being selfish, not understanding and you have so little empathy you can't even fake her perspective. It would be best for our society if you moved to some high mountains and ate berries and deer that died naturally. You are not worthy of a fresh kill!

The title is awful MIL perspective. Are you usually this slow?

Sweetie, I am not slow at all. All we have is OP's opinion that her MIL is awful. And that OP is not smart, she didn't write her MIL's perspective, she wrote a nasty post tearing down her MIL. I am not about to take it at face value.

Whatever you say, honey. The topic is obviously too hard for you.

Stop parroting OP. I know it is you, dumb and dumber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is awful but I've been working hard at understanding her perspective, which is below:

Nothing I ever do is right. I try and try and all DIL does is complain about me. Like when I visited their house as they were wedding planning -- yes, they insisted on living together after they got engaged even though I told them that I was against it since engagements break up all the time -- and I ripped up the wedding invitations before they were stuffed in the calligraphy-addressed envelopes. My vicious and volatile DIL started screaming at me. I did it out of love. I could tell that they were in a bad place. I wasn't against the wedding but it just wasn't the time to get married. They ended up reordering the invitations but they went out late. That's not my fault. I am sorry that DIL got so hurt and so angry. Just to clarify, I'm not sorry that I did it. They had a chance to work through some of their problems because I gave them more time and it all worked out. They should thank me. Now my own DS barely talks to me and it's all my evil DIL's fault. Some marriages are meant to be, like my own, and some are better if they end in divorce, like my husband's ex-wife and my DS and DIL. It's run its course. I love her so I just want what is best for her and I can tell, everyone can tell, that my DS didn't and doesn't love her. Things would be better if she respected my position in this family and understood that a son will always love his mom more than his wife.

What is your MIL's perspective?

You sound like a scary DIL. Damn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go away troll. That is not her perspective, that is you, you, you, being selfish, not understanding and you have so little empathy you can't even fake her perspective. It would be best for our society if you moved to some high mountains and ate berries and deer that died naturally. You are not worthy of a fresh kill!

The title is awful MIL perspective. Are you usually this slow?

Sweetie, I am not slow at all. All we have is OP's opinion that her MIL is awful. And that OP is not smart, she didn't write her MIL's perspective, she wrote a nasty post tearing down her MIL. I am not about to take it at face value.

Whatever you say, honey. The topic is obviously too hard for you.

Stop parroting OP. I know it is you, dumb and dumber.

Looney and loonier you are.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I'm lucky. My MIL and I get along fine.

DH's family is gossipy and that does annoy me a little. But they are like that about everyone, even each other. So, it's not personal and I've learned (mostly) to chill out about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ripped up the wedding invitations when future DIL told me I was a total bitch for being concerned about my son and her, and damned if I'd be allowed at their wedding. Oh, and forget ever seeing your grandchildren.We believe in Boundaries!

OMG. OP's psycho MIL in on this forum. The B!+(# thinks that there is EVER a justification for going to someone's house and ripping up someone else's entire pile of wedding invitations, so they have to be reordered and arrive late and almost destroy their entire wedding.

Narcissist, and I don't use that word lightly.

First time that I've ever seen the DIL and the MIL on the exact same forum.

Thank goodness your DIL didn't want you at the wedding, crazy lady. You are toxic.

[Anonymous]

I'm sad my DIL doesn't want the same level of closeness that I have with my own daughter. I know it's unusual to be so close with one's child, but I think it creates love and family bonds to be together all the time. We belong in each others' daily lives, and I am so lucky I take care of my daughter's children full time, and that we eat dinner together most nights. I know what is in her fridge, I answer the phone. We go on all our vacations together. We are the same.

I belong in the daily life of all my grandchildren. It's sad that my son's children aren't as close. And, although it was my son's work that took my grandchildren out of the area, I can't help but feel it's my DIL who is the one who caused the distance-- especially given how that the relationship my DIL and I have is so different than the relationship my daughter and I have.

(I really do think this is her perspective, and I am sad for her, too).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll play.

My son met a girl who is a different religion than we are. Mind you, I haven’t set foot in a church in decades and my son hasn’t either. Oh. And my husband and I never had him Baptized in our church, but he can’t marry this girl in her church because all of my friends and family will know that he married someone from her religion and it will be so embarrassing!! No one marries people like that!

Well. They are married now. In my family my mother was the matriarch and we spent every Sunday at her house. So that’s what I will be too. Hey. My son and his wife aren’t coming to spend all day with me every Sunday. What’s going on? They meet me for lunch a couple times per month, but they should understand that we need to spend every Sunday together. All day. They don’t seem to get that. They also don’t seem to want to spend every single holiday with me every year. I mean, true my DIL’s family lives locally, but they should understand that I am the matriarch and every holiday belongs to me. They can spend time together when it’s not Christmas or Easter.

Thanks, OP. That was somewhat cathartic! I could go on and on.

You and OP are not really projecting your MIL perspectives, you are projecting yours through a caricature of your MILs.

Yep. This is how I read them too. Their “versions” of attempting to state the situation through MIL’s eyes isn’t that at all. Instead it’s how the DIL imagines goes through the mind of her “clearly deranged” or “sociopathic” MIL. This isn’t an exercise in empathy. It’s an exercise in hateful “othering” of someone by ascribing motives and thoughts to them that make you feel bettter about your own perspective. Sad.

[Anonymous]

There ia no way to have empathy for mil who rips up invitations.