What is your awful MIL's perspective?

[Anonymous]

I’ll play!

I don’t understand why my DIL doesn’t understand that I am hosting all holidays. When she’s old she can host. My grandkids who are babies and toddlers are going to sleep on the floor and everyone can bunk in together. Her family doesn’t need any holidays, they can celebrate after.

I hate visiting my son and his family. He moved away, so they should always come to us.

If my son and his family need help, they can ask her mom. Families only help daughters, not sons. I don’t care that they’re in the hospital or need someone to watch the kids while she gives birth, fly her parents in because I’m not driving an hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the DIL writing as if she were the MIL. FWIW, ripping up the invitations was insane and horribly wrong IMO.

+1

OP’s MIL sounds like Amy March. It’s endearing if you’re 7. But if you’re 57 it sounds borderline.

Who is Any March?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the DIL writing as if she were the MIL. FWIW, ripping up the invitations was insane and horribly wrong IMO.

+1

OP’s MIL sounds like Amy March. It’s endearing if you’re 7. But if you’re 57 it sounds borderline.

Who is Any March?

Amy March was the youngest sister in Little Women. Jo, one of the older sisters wrote a novel. Amy was angry with Jo, so she burned her work for revenge.

[Anonymous]

OP's thread has struck a nerve. Lots of defensive MILs jumping in here.

[Anonymous]

Go away troll. That is not her perspective, that is you, you, you, being selfish, not understanding and you have so little empathy you can't even fake her perspective. It would be best for our society if you moved to some high mountains and ate berries and deer that died naturally. You are not worthy of a fresh kill!

[Anonymous]

DIL here! Ignore the haters. I’m loving these stories and mentally working on my own. Keep them coming!

[Anonymous]

It can be productive to try and see things from the other persons perspective, but if the MIL did really rip up the wedding invitations I can see how it could be difficult (or impossible!) to do that. As for holidays, I think it can be easier to do. Why do they feel like they deserve to host? Probably because that’s what they did as a DIL and feel like it’s their turn. Or that they feel like they’re losing the chance to pass down traditions. Try and figure out why someone’s doing something and address that motivation instead of resenting the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's thread has struck a nerve. Lots of defensive MILs jumping in here.

Most mils don't frequent ducm. You know why? They have their own things to do, it is DILs that are utterly crazy. Here is how you all sound: "I am yelling to assert my dominance!" It is appalling how insecure young(er) women are today. I say younger... because you are all old, and it makes it even more appalling. I am not a MIL, and I had a MIL for one year only, long ago, so keep trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the DIL writing as if she were the MIL. FWIW, ripping up the invitations was insane and horribly wrong IMO.

+1

OP’s MIL sounds like Amy March. It’s endearing if you’re 7. But if you’re 57 it sounds borderline.

Who is Any March?

Wowwwww...really?

[Anonymous]

It is truly sad to see women rip apart other women. Nobody mentioning DHs or FILs? This is why women are propagators of patriarchy more than any male ever was or ever will be. Why should they? Women tear each other apart to keep men happy.

[Anonymous]

While I am grateful to my DIL for giving me grandchildren, her lack of gratitude is exhausting. I buy her kids dozens of outfits every month that basically fit. If she would put them in the dryer. Just roll up the sleeves and cuffs.

I buy her dishware and decorative items. At first she took some of them but now she says she’s out of space and won’t even take them home. What am I supposed to do? Now all her items are piled up in my garage!

And anyway if she’s out of space it’s because they didn’t buy a big enough house. It’s 2500 sq ft. That’s less than 1/3 the size of the house my children were raised in. I don’t get why she’s raising them as if they were poor. Just get an ARM mortgage.

Also, I really don’t get their living in such a trashy neighborhood. Their neighbors are like, secretaries and construction workers. What are you doing?! Our neighbors were always highly-educated people with impressive jobs like World Bank and State Department.

I try so hard to gently correct her, but she gets so huffy and throws things back in my face like that a couple times I had misunderstandings with credit card companies and had to get debt discharged. I guess she just thinks I should be punished forever for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is truly sad to see women rip apart other women. Nobody mentioning DHs or FILs? This is why women are propagators of patriarchy more than any male ever was or ever will be. Why should they? Women tear each other apart to keep men happy.

I am a rape victim advocate and no, women are not the propogators of the patriarchy. Get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is awful but I've been working hard at understanding her perspective, which is below:

Nothing I ever do is right. I try and try and all DIL does is complain about me. Like when I visited their house as they were wedding planning -- yes, they insisted on living together after they got engaged even though I told them that I was against it since engagements break up all the time -- and I ripped up the wedding invitations before they were stuffed in the calligraphy-addressed envelopes. My vicious and volatile DIL started screaming at me. I did it out of love. I could tell that they were in a bad place. I wasn't against the wedding but it just wasn't the time to get married. They ended up reordering the invitations but they went out late. That's not my fault. I am sorry that DIL got so hurt and so angry. Just to clarify, I'm not sorry that I did it. They had a chance to work through some of their problems because I gave them more time and it all worked out. They should thank me. Now my own DS barely talks to me and it's all my evil DIL's fault. Some marriages are meant to be, like my own, and some are better if they end in divorce, like my husband's ex-wife and my DS and DIL. It's run its course. I love her so I just want what is best for her and I can tell, everyone can tell, that my DS didn't and doesn't love her. Things would be better if she respected my position in this family and understood that a son will always love his mom more than his wife.

What is your MIL's perspective?

LOL The only error I see in this is it's way too much about you. MIL cares about MIL only

[Anonymous]

I love my DIL very much, I want us to be close and I want to be like a mother for her. My DIL comes from lazy American redneck family, she cannot provide or care for my son and grandchildren the best way. She had no stable mother figure, it is not her fault but she doesn't know how to be a good wife or good mother. I will do everything I can to protect my son and grandchildren, but I wish my son had considered her background before marrying her. I love my DIL, she gave up her career to give my son children. I am glad he is happy, but I do not think he is happy. He tells me he is happy, but how could he be happy? I am not happy that he is unhappy, I am mad she makes him unhappy. Why must she cause everyone in this family so much unhappiness. I love my DIL very much, but she doesn't treat me as well as my daughter treats me, it is unfair I was given an ungrateful DIL who is disrespectful. I love my DIL but she is unloveable. *to my MIL's defense, she clearly has undiagnosed PTSD and a few other issues I'm not qualified to identify.

[Anonymous]

It’s a beautiful day. Get outside and clear your heads.