What is your awful MIL's perspective?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, you might try a little harder on understanding your MIL’s perspective.

Here’s somewhere you can start: Drop the judgment. It’s getting in the way of you truly understanding her perspective.

I'm not OP.

But as the wives to the men who are the sons to these women, we get a very small and tiny outlet. MIL issues can be tremendously difficult because:
1. Speaking up could cause disharmony in the family relationships (grandparents/grandchildren, family events, etc)
2. Speaking up can be disrespectful to your husband ( that you could not have his back when it comes to supporting him and his relationship with his parents )
3. Not Speaking Up could imply you're a doormat

So what, OP made an anonymous thread on the internet that doesn't directly impact or hurt a single person.

scroll on

[Anonymous]

I ripped up the wedding invitations when future DIL told me I was a total bitch for being concerned about my son and her, and damned if I'd be allowed at their wedding. Oh, and forget ever seeing your grandchildren.We believe in Boundaries!

[Anonymous]

Here's my MIL:

I'm just mad. I am mad at everyone. All the time, but especially other women.

Everyone says my own MIL was the nicest woman ever, and she did help take care of my kids when they were little, but I hate her. Or maybe I'm just ornery.

My SIL, she was still a teen when I married into the family and she was super annoying. So I hated her, too (and then she had a daughter... who I also decided to hate. Drives me nuts that my son is close with her).

When my sons started to partner, I thought I could demand obedience, even about brands of soap. They thought otherwise, so I decided to hate them.

Did I mention that I never liked the woman my own brother married? She also wouldn't let me tell her what to do... so I hate her, too.

Yup. It is cathartic. And no, I don't take it personally anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll play.

My son met a girl who is a different religion than we are. Mind you, I haven’t set foot in a church in decades and my son hasn’t either. Oh. And my husband and I never had him Baptized in our church, but he can’t marry this girl in her church because all of my friends and family will know that he married someone from her religion and it will be so embarrassing!! No one marries people like that!

Well. They are married now. In my family my mother was the matriarch and we spent every Sunday at her house. So that’s what I will be too. Hey. My son and his wife aren’t coming to spend all day with me every Sunday. What’s going on? They meet me for lunch a couple times per month, but they should understand that we need to spend every Sunday together. All day. They don’t seem to get that. They also don’t seem to want to spend every single holiday with me every year. I mean, true my DIL’s family lives locally, but they should understand that I am the matriarch and every holiday belongs to me. They can spend time together when it’s not Christmas or Easter.

Thanks, OP. That was somewhat cathartic! I could go on and on.

You and OP are not really projecting your MIL perspectives, you are projecting yours through a caricature of your MILs.

and they are doing it in a safe space, so if you don't want to play, scroll on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll play.

My son met a girl who is a different religion than we are. Mind you, I haven’t set foot in a church in decades and my son hasn’t either. Oh. And my husband and I never had him Baptized in our church, but he can’t marry this girl in her church because all of my friends and family will know that he married someone from her religion and it will be so embarrassing!! No one marries people like that!

Well. They are married now. In my family my mother was the matriarch and we spent every Sunday at her house. So that’s what I will be too. Hey. My son and his wife aren’t coming to spend all day with me every Sunday. What’s going on? They meet me for lunch a couple times per month, but they should understand that we need to spend every Sunday together. All day. They don’t seem to get that. They also don’t seem to want to spend every single holiday with me every year. I mean, true my DIL’s family lives locally, but they should understand that I am the matriarch and every holiday belongs to me. They can spend time together when it’s not Christmas or Easter.

Thanks, OP. That was somewhat cathartic! I could go on and on.

You and OP are not really projecting your MIL perspectives, you are projecting yours through a caricature of your MILs.

and they are doing it in a safe space, so if you don't want to play, scroll on.

A safe space - Ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is awful but I've been working hard at understanding her perspective, which is below:

Nothing I ever do is right. I try and try and all DIL does is complain about me. Like when I visited their house as they were wedding planning -- yes, they insisted on living together after they got engaged even though I told them that I was against it since engagements break up all the time -- and I ripped up the wedding invitations before they were stuffed in the calligraphy-addressed envelopes. My vicious and volatile DIL started screaming at me. I did it out of love. I could tell that they were in a bad place. I wasn't against the wedding but it just wasn't the time to get married. They ended up reordering the invitations but they went out late. That's not my fault. I am sorry that DIL got so hurt and so angry. Just to clarify, I'm not sorry that I did it. They had a chance to work through some of their problems because I gave them more time and it all worked out. They should thank me. Now my own DS barely talks to me and it's all my evil DIL's fault. Some marriages are meant to be, like my own, and some are better if they end in divorce, like my husband's ex-wife and my DS and DIL. It's run its course. I love her so I just want what is best for her and I can tell, everyone can tell, that my DS didn't and doesn't love her. Things would be better if she respected my position in this family and understood that a son will always love his mom more than his wife.

What is your MIL's perspective?

This post is super confusing. I took the time to re-read and figured out, but now I wish I hadn't. Dumb, dumb, dumb

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's thread has struck a nerve. Lots of defensive MILs jumping in here.

Nope. I have been a DIL twice now (first one passed away, then there was remarriage) and both times I really loved my MIL. That doesn't mean there weren't bumps in the road at times, but assuming positive intent goes long way on all sides.

These DIL/MIL threads are usually just sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, you ok, OP?

I mean, your MIL doesn't sound like a gem, but you're the one who came here and wrote this...

Thinking the same thing...

[Anonymous]

You need a hobby OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is awful but I've been working hard at understanding her perspective, which is below:

Nothing I ever do is right. I try and try and all DIL does is complain about me. Like when I visited their house as they were wedding planning -- yes, they insisted on living together after they got engaged even though I told them that I was against it since engagements break up all the time -- and I ripped up the wedding invitations before they were stuffed in the calligraphy-addressed envelopes. My vicious and volatile DIL started screaming at me. I did it out of love. I could tell that they were in a bad place. I wasn't against the wedding but it just wasn't the time to get married. They ended up reordering the invitations but they went out late. That's not my fault. I am sorry that DIL got so hurt and so angry. Just to clarify, I'm not sorry that I did it. They had a chance to work through some of their problems because I gave them more time and it all worked out. They should thank me. Now my own DS barely talks to me and it's all my evil DIL's fault. Some marriages are meant to be, like my own, and some are better if they end in divorce, like my husband's ex-wife and my DS and DIL. It's run its course. I love her so I just want what is best for her and I can tell, everyone can tell, that my DS didn't and doesn't love her. Things would be better if she respected my position in this family and understood that a son will always love his mom more than his wife.

What is your MIL's perspective?

This post is super confusing. I took the time to re-read and figured out, but now I wish I hadn't. Dumb, dumb, dumb

What’s confusing? She said she was trying to understand MIL’s perspective, and specified that’s what followed. Consider working on reading comprehension before calling others dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. This is you trying to see things from her perspective?

Yeah, team MIL. She should have ripped up the calligraphy addressed envelopes too.

WHOOSH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, you might try a little harder on understanding your MIL’s perspective.

Here’s somewhere you can start: Drop the judgment. It’s getting in the way of you truly understanding her perspective.

Yes, we should try to have empathy for everyone who enters our home and destroys our things. We should then listen as they tell us how to make decisions. I feel sorry for your DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you all sound super trashy. Keep on keepin’ it klassy!

Hi awful MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go away troll. That is not her perspective, that is you, you, you, being selfish, not understanding and you have so little empathy you can't even fake her perspective. It would be best for our society if you moved to some high mountains and ate berries and deer that died naturally. You are not worthy of a fresh kill!

The title is awful MIL perspective. Are you usually this slow?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's thread has struck a nerve. Lots of defensive MILs jumping in here.

Most mils don't frequent ducm. You know why? They have their own things to do, it is DILs that are utterly crazy. Here is how you all sound: "I am yelling to assert my dominance!" It is appalling how insecure young(er) women are today. I say younger... because you are all old, and it makes it even more appalling. I am not a MIL, and I had a MIL for one year only, long ago, so keep trying.

WHAA WHAA WHAA that’s what you sound like. Chillax Mrs Crazy.