My husband doesn't talk to me unless he's home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's at work, he doesn't respond to any emails and will barely spare two seconds to talk to me on the phone while he's picking up lunch. (I work too, so it's not like I have all day to chit-chat, but sometimes I have something important to discuss.) When he's on a trip (either for business or say, to attend a friend's wedding) he doesn't call or email the entire time he's gone. We've been married for 20 years and we have two teenage kids. He's been on a work trip for three days now and hasn't once checked in. I sent him a message on the first day saying 'how's Chicago' and I haven't heard back. We're in the middle of trying to buy a house so I need his feedback on OH listings coming up this weekend but I'm just annoyed and and upset and don't even want to send him stuff. Obviously I should have gotten used to this by now but it still hurts every time it happens. Are a lot of spouses/husbands like this?

Have you tried eliminating the pleasantries? He may think that "How's Chicago" means you just want to chit-chat which he doesn't want to do.

I know some people who ignore anything resembling idle chatter, but if you send a question or ask for feedback on something important that they respond, albeit briefly, sometime with just "Yes", "No" or even "y" or "n".

For example, if you say "How's Chicago?" or "Call me" or something vaguely pedestrian, they will ignore. But if you send a link to a house listing and say "I'd like to tour this house when you get back. Tell me when you're available and I'll schedule a visit.", they will check and respond something like "T or Th after 4pm".

[Anonymous]

I find it very odd that he doesn’t keep up contact while apart.
Especially since the two of you are parents.
AND in the process of looking for a new house!

It’s like he feels there is a time and place for you (his wife) and when he is away from home, he cannot be bothered by familial responsibilities.

Talk to him about it when he is home.
This definitely needs to be addressed.
Now.

[Anonymous]

My DH will rarely call me when he is at work but he will briefly respond to a text. He always calls at night when he is traveling but the calls are always brief as he is not a phone person though Facetime has really helped as long as I don't look like hell.

[Anonymous]

Three DAYS?? Why are you being so nice and deferential? Call his cell and if he doesn’t answer, call the hotel and ask to be connected to his room. I’d blow his phone up until he answers. He sounds like an inconsiderate person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of like this. It's nothing specific to my DH and I am not having an affiar; I just am absorbed with whatever is in front of me and, when I'm at work or on work travel, I am desperately trying to focus on work stuff. I think part of it is that I am a planner and my DH is not. So, a lot of his things become urgent because he did not plan. Also, I WOTH and he does not, so his schedule is more flexible. But, we also have two little kids, so there is just a lot going on.

I would suggest a two-fold approach: (1) limit the stuff you bother your DH with at work to stuff that is truly urgent and cannot be dealt with when he gets home; and (2) talk to him openly and explain how it makes you feel when he ignores your messages and/or does not call.

This. When it is work time, I am completely absorbed in what I am doing. Often I see a text has come in and just click it and then forget 2 seconds later as I go back to my work. Then I forget all about it. You could ask for a check in at least every 12-24 hours if he’s traveling. Maybe he’d be ok with a conversation when he first gets up while on the road, before the hectic day starts, or after the last meeting of the day. It is totally not a reflection on you - some people are just like this and get absorbed in stuff.