After working 20 years became SAHM - how to protect self financially

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
In the postnup after 20 years, do you also specify how many BJs and sexual interactions per week?

I'm assuming the units for these would be the millibeej and the decicoitus?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a postnup and the fact that you think he would not consider one points to the problem here. The guy cannot tolerate a direct conversation about how doing this is going to make you vulnerable. That sucks.

WTF is a "postnup" after 20 years of marriage?

You sound paranoid. Are you married?

Yes. Happily. And we have a postnup, negotiated after 10 years.

You sound like someone who doesn't really know what postnups are for.

If your dh divorces you and then suddenly he stops bringing in the big bucks, maybe retires early...what would happen to your postnup?

I cannot answer your question, which is based on incorrect, and sexist, assumptions about my situation.

(Are you asking a question or this rhetorical? The parties to the postnup agree to what they want in it. If they want it to address a situation like the one you raise, it does. If not, it does not.)

In the postnup after 20 years, do you also specify how many BJs and sexual interactions per week?

Sounds like you have bigger problems than money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a postnup and the fact that you think he would not consider one points to the problem here. The guy cannot tolerate a direct conversation about how doing this is going to make you vulnerable. That sucks.

WTF is a "postnup" after 20 years of marriage?

You sound paranoid. Are you married?

Yes. Happily. And we have a postnup, negotiated after 10 years.

You sound like someone who doesn't really know what postnups are for.

If your dh divorces you and then suddenly he stops bringing in the big bucks, maybe retires early...what would happen to your postnup?

I cannot answer your question, which is based on incorrect, and sexist, assumptions about my situation.

(Are you asking a question or this rhetorical? The parties to the postnup agree to what they want in it. If they want it to address a situation like the one you raise, it does. If not, it does not.)

I assumed that you were happy to have your postnup so you must not be the bread winning spouse. We had been talking about SAHMs but, of course, if you are a SAHD with this postnup, my apologies.

You did not strike me as the spouse who would have the hammer of financial doom come crashing down on your head in the event of a divorce. What these postnups don't factor in seems to be the loss of the SAH spouse's contributions to a bread winner who must now shoulder 100% of the duties in his own home, including the extra costs of childcare and simply not being available to his company when it's his turn to take the kid to the orthodontist hire someone else to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to realizing DC had developed anxiety, depression and noticing learning challenges for DC2 - point being, the situation is such that working just isn't an option now or in the next few years. Used to earn 150k range, DH has earned 250-300k range and we are in VA. Outside of a post-nup (can't imagine DH agreeing to it for even suggesting it for a host reasons), but are there other things I ought to be doing to protect myself financially?

Please no lectures about how "stupid it is to stay at home and not work." This was never what I'd imagined for myself, but sometimes life throws you curve balls and you do what you have to do. Thanks in advance!

Not sure what you need "protecting" from. If you get divorced you get half.

Only if she has money to pay a lawyer to make sure she gets her share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I assumed that you were happy to have your postnup so you must not be the bread winning spouse. We had been talking about SAHMs but, of course, if you are a SAHD with this postnup, my apologies.

You did not strike me as the spouse who would have the hammer of financial doom come crashing down on your head in the event of a divorce. What these postnups don't factor in seems to be the loss of the SAH spouse's contributions to a bread winner who must now shoulder 100% of the duties in his own home, including the extra costs of childcare and simply not being available to his company when it's his turn to take the kid to the orthodontist hire someone else to do it.

You are so hobbled by sexism that you seem literally incapable of imagining the situation I am in. I am very happy to have the postnup, I am the breadwinning spouse, and I am the wife.

Marriage is a contract. If for whatever reason the legally evolved terms of that contract in your state aren't right for your marriage, postnups adjust the contract. You seem to be under the impression that they contain some kind of blanket terms that strongly favor one party over the other; that's inaccurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to realizing DC had developed anxiety, depression and noticing learning challenges for DC2 - point being, the situation is such that working just isn't an option now or in the next few years. Used to earn 150k range, DH has earned 250-300k range and we are in VA. Outside of a post-nup (can't imagine DH agreeing to it for even suggesting it for a host reasons), but are there other things I ought to be doing to protect myself financially?

Please no lectures about how "stupid it is to stay at home and not work." This was never what I'd imagined for myself, but sometimes life throws you curve balls and you do what you have to do. Thanks in advance!

Not sure what you need "protecting" from. If you get divorced you get half.

Only if she has money to pay a lawyer to make sure she gets her share.

She worked for 20 years. She has her own money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I assumed that you were happy to have your postnup so you must not be the bread winning spouse. We had been talking about SAHMs but, of course, if you are a SAHD with this postnup, my apologies.

You did not strike me as the spouse who would have the hammer of financial doom come crashing down on your head in the event of a divorce. What these postnups don't factor in seems to be the loss of the SAH spouse's contributions to a bread winner who must now shoulder 100% of the duties in his own home, including the extra costs of childcare and simply not being available to his company when it's his turn to take the kid to the orthodontist hire someone else to do it.

You are so hobbled by sexism that you seem literally incapable of imagining the situation I am in. I am very happy to have the postnup, I am the breadwinning spouse, and I am the wife.

Marriage is a contract. If for whatever reason the legally evolved terms of that contract in your state aren't right for your marriage, postnups adjust the contract. You seem to be under the impression that they contain some kind of blanket terms that strongly favor one party over the other; that's inaccurate.

I could really care less if you are the man or the woman in this business deal.

As the breadwinner, the only way that you are this happy with your postnup is if you come out ahead with it and it provides you with an easy out. FWIW, the postnup has to be fair in order for it to be valid.

Marriage is a personal commitment. Both spouses can choose to end it at any time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[

As the breadwinner, the only way that you are this happy with your postnup is if you come out ahead with it and it provides you with an easy out. FWIW, the postnup has to be fair in order for it to be valid.

I don't think of my relationship with my husband as adversarial. So, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

As the breadwinner, the only way that you are this happy with your postnup is if you come out ahead with it and it provides you with an easy out. FWIW, the postnup has to be fair in order for it to be valid.

I don't think of my relationship with my husband as adversarial. So, no.

Obviously, I can't possibly know the details of your own personal relationship with your husband or why you would feel the need to spell the terms out of a divorce now.

I understand that people do it. But it seems to me that the terms of a postnup that you agree to and sign 1 year after you are married is no longer going to be appropriate 10 or 20 years down the road. I would consider that document to be valid for maybe 3 years.

[Anonymous]

eh post nups often aren't enforceable anyway

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:eh post nups often aren't enforceable anyway

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

As the breadwinner, the only way that you are this happy with your postnup is if you come out ahead with it and it provides you with an easy out. FWIW, the postnup has to be fair in order for it to be valid.

I don't think of my relationship with my husband as adversarial. So, no.

Obviously, I can't possibly know the details of your own personal relationship with your husband or why you would feel the need to spell the terms out of a divorce now.

I understand that people do it. But it seems to me that the terms of a postnup that you agree to and sign 1 year after you are married is no longer going to be appropriate 10 or 20 years down the road. I would consider that document to be valid for maybe 3 years.

Since you can’t imagine the circumstances and don’t really know how and why the documents might exist, why not stop offering opinions now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

As the breadwinner, the only way that you are this happy with your postnup is if you come out ahead with it and it provides you with an easy out. FWIW, the postnup has to be fair in order for it to be valid.

I don't think of my relationship with my husband as adversarial. So, no.

Obviously, I can't possibly know the details of your own personal relationship with your husband or why you would feel the need to spell the terms out of a divorce now.

I understand that people do it. But it seems to me that the terms of a postnup that you agree to and sign 1 year after you are married is no longer going to be appropriate 10 or 20 years down the road. I would consider that document to be valid for maybe 3 years.

Since you can’t imagine the circumstances and don’t really know how and why the documents might exist, why not stop offering opinions now?

You are the one who threw this out there for discussion. Clearly you aren't about to provide any details to back up your claims as to why your postnup was a good idea. That's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:eh post nups often aren't enforceable anyway

Wrong

- signed a divorce lawyer (VA has a specific law allowing them, in fact)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

As the breadwinner, the only way that you are this happy with your postnup is if you come out ahead with it and it provides you with an easy out. FWIW, the postnup has to be fair in order for it to be valid.

I don't think of my relationship with my husband as adversarial. So, no.

Obviously, I can't possibly know the details of your own personal relationship with your husband or why you would feel the need to spell the terms out of a divorce now.

I understand that people do it. But it seems to me that the terms of a postnup that you agree to and sign 1 year after you are married is no longer going to be appropriate 10 or 20 years down the road. I would consider that document to be valid for maybe 3 years.

This is not correct. An experienced domestic relations attorney will prepare one that will be valid forever and apply even after circumstances change. It’s no different from how a prenup is valid 10 years later.