Husbands with SAHWs...how much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much do you budget for expenses a month?

Does your wife have monthly allowance or a debit card /credit cards with her name that she can use as much as she wants ?

What is a fair amount to spend if you have one child together but only one income ?

*we are middle class -300k a year plus random bonuses

Wait, "does the wife have an allowance"??????? What, is she a child bride?
Listen, I stayed home when my kids were little. It was a family decision. We lived in another major city on 40K a year--my husband's salary. (yes, for real) My entire salary would have been eaten up by childcare for two kids, so it didn't make financial sense for me to work instead. We, my spouse and I being both grown ups, decided our budget. There was no "allowance" for me. I spent only what we could afford. He spent only what we could afford. We were extremely frugal. But even if he'd made 100K or 200K, we'd do the same damn thing. If a couple decides together to have one stay at home spouse, a family budget is what is needed. This talk about an allowance is thinking 100 years old. If there is conflict re: the one spouse staying home while kids are little, that's an entirely different problem that needs to be solved differently. And if kids are in school full time, the family should have two incomes. If a wife stays home while kids are in school? She's not a wife, she's his child. Full stop.

That's quite a statement you're making there. Clearly, in your case, you chose to SAH to avoid the costs of daycare and you went back to work out of financial necessity once your kids were both in school. If you had been able to make things work more comfortably on one income, you might have made a different choice. You'll never know because that was not your reality.

That doesn't make you better or worse or more mature or less mature than anyone else on this thread. In my case, it made more sense for me to continue to stay at home even though we were not making nearly as much as some of the incomes reported on this thread. When I quit working, I was making close to what your husband was making when you decided to SAH. I had also made the most of my earnings by investing in my 401K early on. My company had a generous match + pension. I'm doing o.k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much do you budget for expenses a month?

Does your wife have monthly allowance or a debit card /credit cards with her name that she can use as much as she wants ?

What is a fair amount to spend if you have one child together but only one income ?

*we are middle class -300k a year plus random bonuses

Wait, "does the wife have an allowance"??????? What, is she a child bride?
Listen, I stayed home when my kids were little. It was a family decision. We lived in another major city on 40K a year--my husband's salary. (yes, for real) My entire salary would have been eaten up by childcare for two kids, so it didn't make financial sense for me to work instead. We, my spouse and I being both grown ups, decided our budget. There was no "allowance" for me. I spent only what we could afford. He spent only what we could afford. We were extremely frugal. But even if he'd made 100K or 200K, we'd do the same damn thing. If a couple decides together to have one stay at home spouse, a family budget is what is needed. This talk about an allowance is thinking 100 years old. If there is conflict re: the one spouse staying home while kids are little, that's an entirely different problem that needs to be solved differently. And if kids are in school full time, the family should have two incomes. If a wife stays home while kids are in school? She's not a wife, she's his child. Full stop.

LOL. Ignore this person. No one should be staying home when the other spouse makes $40k. And not working does not magically turn someone in to a child. This person made crazy decisions.

[Anonymous]

Middle class at 300K? I have zero desire to engage with the OP because he/she lives in fantasy land.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much do you budget for expenses a month?

Does your wife have monthly allowance or a debit card /credit cards with her name that she can use as much as she wants ?

What is a fair amount to spend if you have one child together but only one income ?

*we are middle class -300k a year plus random bonuses

Wait, "does the wife have an allowance"??????? What, is she a child bride?
Listen, I stayed home when my kids were little. It was a family decision. We lived in another major city on 40K a year--my husband's salary. (yes, for real) My entire salary would have been eaten up by childcare for two kids, so it didn't make financial sense for me to work instead. We, my spouse and I being both grown ups, decided our budget. There was no "allowance" for me. I spent only what we could afford. He spent only what we could afford. We were extremely frugal. But even if he'd made 100K or 200K, we'd do the same damn thing. If a couple decides together to have one stay at home spouse, a family budget is what is needed. This talk about an allowance is thinking 100 years old. If there is conflict re: the one spouse staying home while kids are little, that's an entirely different problem that needs to be solved differently. And if kids are in school full time, the family should have two incomes. If a wife stays home while kids are in school? She's not a wife, she's his child. Full stop.

Where are these schools where kids are in school full time? A full time job is 250 days or so a year and school is about 180. A full time job is 2080 hours a year, school is more like 1260 or less. Then there is commute time to consider.

Where do kids go where they are in school full time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much do you budget for expenses a month?

Does your wife have monthly allowance or a debit card /credit cards with her name that she can use as much as she wants ?

What is a fair amount to spend if you have one child together but only one income ?

*we are middle class -300k a year plus random bonuses

Wait, "does the wife have an allowance"??????? What, is she a child bride?
Listen, I stayed home when my kids were little. It was a family decision. We lived in another major city on 40K a year--my husband's salary. (yes, for real) My entire salary would have been eaten up by childcare for two kids, so it didn't make financial sense for me to work instead. We, my spouse and I being both grown ups, decided our budget. There was no "allowance" for me. I spent only what we could afford. He spent only what we could afford. We were extremely frugal. But even if he'd made 100K or 200K, we'd do the same damn thing. If a couple decides together to have one stay at home spouse, a family budget is what is needed. This talk about an allowance is thinking 100 years old. If there is conflict re: the one spouse staying home while kids are little, that's an entirely different problem that needs to be solved differently. And if kids are in school full time, the family should have two incomes. If a wife stays home while kids are in school? She's not a wife, she's his child. Full stop.

Where are these schools where kids are in school full time? A full time job is 250 days or so a year and school is about 180. A full time job is 2080 hours a year, school is more like 1260 or less. Then there is commute time to consider.

Where do kids go where they are in school full time?

Or, if you have a SN child who requires medical and therapy appointments. Or, elderly family members who need help. She sound exhausting and judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much do you budget for expenses a month?

Does your wife have monthly allowance or a debit card /credit cards with her name that she can use as much as she wants ?

What is a fair amount to spend if you have one child together but only one income ?

*we are middle class -300k a year plus random bonuses

Wait, "does the wife have an allowance"??????? What, is she a child bride?
Listen, I stayed home when my kids were little. It was a family decision. We lived in another major city on 40K a year--my husband's salary. (yes, for real) My entire salary would have been eaten up by childcare for two kids, so it didn't make financial sense for me to work instead. We, my spouse and I being both grown ups, decided our budget. There was no "allowance" for me. I spent only what we could afford. He spent only what we could afford. We were extremely frugal. But even if he'd made 100K or 200K, we'd do the same damn thing. If a couple decides together to have one stay at home spouse, a family budget is what is needed. This talk about an allowance is thinking 100 years old. If there is conflict re: the one spouse staying home while kids are little, that's an entirely different problem that needs to be solved differently. And if kids are in school full time, the family should have two incomes. If a wife stays home while kids are in school? She's not a wife, she's his child. Full stop.

Where are these schools where kids are in school full time? A full time job is 250 days or so a year and school is about 180. A full time job is 2080 hours a year, school is more like 1260 or less. Then there is commute time to consider.

Where do kids go where they are in school full time?

This. I live in Loudoun. I have to pick my children up at 2:35pm. Also we have at least 10 snow days a year, not to mention holidays, workdays, summer, etc. Please recommend a job that accommodates this schedule - I’m all ears! We do not have any plans to send our children to aftercare - the one at our school is like Lord of the Flies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much do you budget for expenses a month?

Does your wife have monthly allowance or a debit card /credit cards with her name that she can use as much as she wants ?

What is a fair amount to spend if you have one child together but only one income ?

*we are middle class -300k a year plus random bonuses

Wait, "does the wife have an allowance"??????? What, is she a child bride?
Listen, I stayed home when my kids were little. It was a family decision. We lived in another major city on 40K a year--my husband's salary. (yes, for real) My entire salary would have been eaten up by childcare for two kids, so it didn't make financial sense for me to work instead. We, my spouse and I being both grown ups, decided our budget. There was no "allowance" for me. I spent only what we could afford. He spent only what we could afford. We were extremely frugal. But even if he'd made 100K or 200K, we'd do the same damn thing. If a couple decides together to have one stay at home spouse, a family budget is what is needed. This talk about an allowance is thinking 100 years old. If there is conflict re: the one spouse staying home while kids are little, that's an entirely different problem that needs to be solved differently. And if kids are in school full time, the family should have two incomes. If a wife stays home while kids are in school? She's not a wife, she's his child. Full stop.

Where are these schools where kids are in school full time? A full time job is 250 days or so a year and school is about 180. A full time job is 2080 hours a year, school is more like 1260 or less. Then there is commute time to consider.

Where do kids go where they are in school full time?

This. I live in Loudoun. I have to pick my children up at 2:35pm. Also we have at least 10 snow days a year, not to mention holidays, workdays, summer, etc. Please recommend a job that accommodates this schedule - I’m all ears! We do not have any plans to send our children to aftercare - the one at our school is like Lord of the Flies.

I also live in Loudoun, and my kids went to Loudoun country Day, I picked them up around 330. BOTH DH and I WFH. Our kids have also never gone to aftercare. Kids just play during snow days.

In my neighborhood (Creighton Farms) most all kids go to camp in the summer...both SAH and Working. I think that's an SES thing though. We hire a sitter to dive them around, because as you know, where we live we are car dependent. We also vacation all of spring break, all of Christmas, and 2 weeks in the summer.

I think working vs SAH is a completely different experience based on your SES

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much do you budget for expenses a month?

Does your wife have monthly allowance or a debit card /credit cards with her name that she can use as much as she wants ?

What is a fair amount to spend if you have one child together but only one income ?

*we are middle class -300k a year plus random bonuses

Wait, "does the wife have an allowance"??????? What, is she a child bride?
Listen, I stayed home when my kids were little. It was a family decision. We lived in another major city on 40K a year--my husband's salary. (yes, for real) My entire salary would have been eaten up by childcare for two kids, so it didn't make financial sense for me to work instead. We, my spouse and I being both grown ups, decided our budget. There was no "allowance" for me. I spent only what we could afford. He spent only what we could afford. We were extremely frugal. But even if he'd made 100K or 200K, we'd do the same damn thing. If a couple decides together to have one stay at home spouse, a family budget is what is needed. This talk about an allowance is thinking 100 years old. If there is conflict re: the one spouse staying home while kids are little, that's an entirely different problem that needs to be solved differently. And if kids are in school full time, the family should have two incomes. If a wife stays home while kids are in school? She's not a wife, she's his child. Full stop.

Where are these schools where kids are in school full time? A full time job is 250 days or so a year and school is about 180. A full time job is 2080 hours a year, school is more like 1260 or less. Then there is commute time to consider.

Where do kids go where they are in school full time?

This. I live in Loudoun. I have to pick my children up at 2:35pm. Also we have at least 10 snow days a year, not to mention holidays, workdays, summer, etc. Please recommend a job that accommodates this schedule - I’m all ears! We do not have any plans to send our children to aftercare - the one at our school is like Lord of the Flies.

I also live in Loudoun, and my kids went to Loudoun country Day, I picked them up around 330. BOTH DH and I WFH. Our kids have also never gone to aftercare. Kids just play during snow days.

In my neighborhood (Creighton Farms) most all kids go to camp in the summer...both SAH and Working. I think that's an SES thing though. We hire a sitter to dive them around, because as you know, where we live we are car dependent. We also vacation all of spring break, all of Christmas, and 2 weeks in the summer.

I think working vs SAH is a completely different experience based on your SES

Well I think the bolded statement is obvious but not sure what it has to do with my post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM and spend what I want. DH doesn’t care as long as I maintain my looks. He wouid never be okay with me spending money on trips with my girlfriends or family. It must benefit him.

Ouch. I'm sorry. Do you think he would like to upgrade at some point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much do you budget for expenses a month?

Does your wife have monthly allowance or a debit card /credit cards with her name that she can use as much as she wants ?

What is a fair amount to spend if you have one child together but only one income ?

*we are middle class -300k a year plus random bonuses

We budget $6100/month, which is my take home pay. $2400 to mortgage, $400 for utilities and repairs of the house, $300 for gas/repairs, $500 for groceries, $150 for cell phones/internet, $1250 for medical and $500 for various insurance policies. That leaves about $600 for clothes, eating out, etc.

My wife spends what she wants. Everything flows through our joint bank account.

We'd save a couple hundred a month with only one child (less food, less life insurance).

Sadly, we don't make enough money to be middle class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much do you budget for expenses a month?

Does your wife have monthly allowance or a debit card /credit cards with her name that she can use as much as she wants ?

What is a fair amount to spend if you have one child together but only one income ?

*we are middle class -300k a year plus random bonuses

My wife spends whatever she wants. It is only husband who is on a budget.

[Anonymous]

I made $61,000 a year and just bought a house in 2001 when my wife decided work was not worth it and she wanted to be a SAHM. She resented her Mom for working and wanted to be there for our kids.

The baby brings the bread, so she followed it up with two more kids in next six years. By 2007 was making $330,000 a year. I was able to focus on work and being sole bread winner to support family and not having to run out the door for every little kid issue and being able to go on business trips really helped my career.

By 2018 I had best year ever around $980,000.

The bigger question is how do men afford wives who work. I still would be making peanuts if I had to run out the door for every little thing.

And I do spend a lot of time with kids. It is just flexibility if I have important trip, work late, have to come in early I can.

Being a stay at home Mom is hardest job in the world. Most women sit in a cube and pretend they are a Mom. Being a mom is hard work. Having a maid, nanny, childcare, sending kids to summer camp while you sit in a cube and sip coffee is the easy way out. My wife controls the money to spend, I only make it and invest it.

Most folks are short sighted. The 35 year old male making 120K a year with a wife making 100K only sees the lost of 100K if she quit. He misses out on he easily could be making $360K a year in a few years if he focused on work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made $61,000 a year and just bought a house in 2001 when my wife decided work was not worth it and she wanted to be a SAHM. She resented her Mom for working and wanted to be there for our kids.

The baby brings the bread, so she followed it up with two more kids in next six years. By 2007 was making $330,000 a year. I was able to focus on work and being sole bread winner to support family and not having to run out the door for every little kid issue and being able to go on business trips really helped my career.

By 2018 I had best year ever around $980,000.

The bigger question is how do men afford wives who work. I still would be making peanuts if I had to run out the door for every little thing.

And I do spend a lot of time with kids. It is just flexibility if I have important trip, work late, have to come in early I can.

Being a stay at home Mom is hardest job in the world. Most women sit in a cube and pretend they are a Mom. Being a mom is hard work. Having a maid, nanny, childcare, sending kids to summer camp while you sit in a cube and sip coffee is the easy way out. My wife controls the money to spend, I only make it and invest it.

Most folks are short sighted. The 35 year old male making 120K a year with a wife making 100K only sees the lost of 100K if she quit. He misses out on he easily could be making $360K a year in a few years if he focused on work.

If you are real (and I can't quite tell) then I wish you were my husband. I SAH, but my husband only tolerates it. He doesn't not appreciate it the way you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made $61,000 a year and just bought a house in 2001 when my wife decided work was not worth it and she wanted to be a SAHM. She resented her Mom for working and wanted to be there for our kids.

The baby brings the bread, so she followed it up with two more kids in next six years. By 2007 was making $330,000 a year. I was able to focus on work and being sole bread winner to support family and not having to run out the door for every little kid issue and being able to go on business trips really helped my career.

By 2018 I had best year ever around $980,000.

The bigger question is how do men afford wives who work. I still would be making peanuts if I had to run out the door for every little thing.

And I do spend a lot of time with kids. It is just flexibility if I have important trip, work late, have to come in early I can.

Being a stay at home Mom is hardest job in the world. Most women sit in a cube and pretend they are a Mom. Being a mom is hard work. Having a maid, nanny, childcare, sending kids to summer camp while you sit in a cube and sip coffee is the easy way out. My wife controls the money to spend, I only make it and invest it.

Most folks are short sighted. The 35 year old male making 120K a year with a wife making 100K only sees the lost of 100K if she quit. He misses out on he easily could be making $360K a year in a few years if he focused on work.

I know, I'm grateful my husband has been willing to do the time to help advance my career as well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much do you budget for expenses a month?

Does your wife have monthly allowance or a debit card /credit cards with her name that she can use as much as she wants ?

What is a fair amount to spend if you have one child together but only one income ?

*we are middle class -300k a year plus random bonuses

Wait, "does the wife have an allowance"??????? What, is she a child bride?
Listen, I stayed home when my kids were little. It was a family decision. We lived in another major city on 40K a year--my husband's salary. (yes, for real) My entire salary would have been eaten up by childcare for two kids, so it didn't make financial sense for me to work instead. We, my spouse and I being both grown ups, decided our budget. There was no "allowance" for me. I spent only what we could afford. He spent only what we could afford. We were extremely frugal. But even if he'd made 100K or 200K, we'd do the same damn thing. If a couple decides together to have one stay at home spouse, a family budget is what is needed. This talk about an allowance is thinking 100 years old. If there is conflict re: the one spouse staying home while kids are little, that's an entirely different problem that needs to be solved differently. And if kids are in school full time, the family should have two incomes. If a wife stays home while kids are in school? She's not a wife, she's his child. Full stop.

Where are these schools where kids are in school full time? A full time job is 250 days or so a year and school is about 180. A full time job is 2080 hours a year, school is more like 1260 or less. Then there is commute time to consider.

Where do kids go where they are in school full time?

Or, if you have a SN child who requires medical and therapy appointments. Or, elderly family members who need help. She sound exhausting and judgmental.

+1000 Exactly.