My son is ruining my life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can people stop focusing on what a “good man” looks like to them? Another thread. This woman is in pain. Her husband is in pain. Please help her without making it some argument over how people should act when difficult things happen.

Her husband is avoiding the pain. OP is taking on the pain by herself.

Her DH is being useless and petulant - how’d he get the privilege to do that??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can people stop focusing on what a “good man” looks like to them? Another thread. This woman is in pain. Her husband is in pain. Please help her without making it some argument over how people should act when difficult things happen.

Her husband is avoiding the pain. OP is taking on the pain by herself.

Her DH is being useless and petulant - how’d he get the privilege to do that??

would you STOP IT ALREADY!!! you don't know OP's full back story. You're making a judgment statement based on assumptions.

not to mention OP is in enough pain already without your psychobabble bull shit "petulant child" crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories like this is why I am NOT having any children.

Yet you hang out on a board called DC Urban Moms and Dads. Ok.

It’s called schadenfreude..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories like this is why I am NOT having any children.

Yet you hang out on a board called DC Urban Moms and Dads. Ok.

It’s called schadenfreude..

To us it looks like you don’t have a real life. Spring is coming—get outside and enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

OP, just want to say that I’m rooting for you and your family and hoping for a better way forward. Of course you’re feeling depressed right now; it’s a natural response to having your boundaries pushed and feeling like you can’t control it. You’re on the receiving end from both your spouse and one of your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Military school great idea. Do it now while you still have power (he’s a minor) o

Turned out great for Trump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, just want to say that I’m rooting for you and your family and hoping for a better way forward. Of course you’re feeling depressed right now; it’s a natural response to having your boundaries pushed and feeling like you can’t control it. You’re on the receiving end from both your spouse and one of your children.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can people stop focusing on what a “good man” looks like to them? Another thread. This woman is in pain. Her husband is in pain. Please help her without making it some argument over how people should act when difficult things happen.

Her husband is avoiding the pain. OP is taking on the pain by herself.

Her DH is being useless and petulant - how’d he get the privilege to do that??

would you STOP IT ALREADY!!! you don't know OP's full back story. You're making a judgment statement based on assumptions.

not to mention OP is in enough pain already without your psychobabble bull shit "petulant child" crap.

Loser!
It doesn’t matter if you know the ‘whole story’ of the father - he’s loser that needs to man up and care for his family instead of running to the golf course with his buddies & staying at work late.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine the son likes being in that mood himself. OP have you asked your son why he feels so angry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine the son likes being in that mood himself. OP have you asked your son why he feels so angry?

Yes, of course I have. He clearly suffers from some kind of mood disorder. Depression and anxiety run in my family, as does substance abuse. I’m more than familiar with how to approach this and get him help. The problem is he refuses to consider medication, and resists therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine the son likes being in that mood himself. OP have you asked your son why he feels so angry?

Yes, of course I have. He clearly suffers from some kind of mood disorder. Depression and anxiety run in my family, as does substance abuse. I’m more than familiar with how to approach this and get him help. The problem is he refuses to consider medication, and resists therapy.

I am sorry. It sounds like he self medicates with weed. Personally, I would change the title to „my sons mental illness is ruining my life“. I hope you can reposition yourself mentally in this Journey. Kids are often mirrors and it might hit close to home that your husband checked out and panicked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been really hard with him since birth. We tried everything. Counseling, adhd meds, etc. He is a very unhappy volatile person. Now that he’s a teen, it’s nearly impossible to live with him. He’s turned into this person I dislike so much. He’s crude, caustic, barely getting by at school, smokes weed, and is always in an explosive mood. My husband grew tired of it all long ago and pretty much checked out. He’s gone for work and when he doesn’t work he golfs. My other son, who has none of these issues, escapes in his own way. I’m a SAHM left holding the bag, and trying to keep everything together as best I can. My marriage has suffered terribly. I’ve suffered terribly, I am depressed (medicated) and in therapy but nothing ever gets better.

OP-I'm in the camp that favors therapeutic boarding school. I don't think it should be offered as a choice. I'm not really sure how you would force therapy or medication if your son needs to remain at home, but if you have leverage, use it.

I always post this website, but if sending him away to school isn't an option, there is some very good advice on how to deal with your DS's behavior. The link is to the teen section/articles about responding to behavior.

https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/ages-and-stages/adolescent-teen-behavior/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are residential treatment programs where the kids pretty much live outside, have a very structured program and get a lot of therapy. Sounds like it would be a good fit for your son. It worked wonders for mine.

Thing about what everyone is recommending is that it is all really expensive.

1000+ The outdoors, no screens, structure, and intensity therapy. Worked for my son too!

[Anonymous]

If her son is mentally ill, he needs medication before OP sends him into the wilderness.

[Anonymous]

If you know that there is a history of mental illness in your family, why did you choose to have your son? I say this as someone with a schizophrenic grandmother and maternal uncle, and therefore I am choosing to be childfree by choice. It's not just about your son suffering from depression, but also the potential harm he could cause others due to an inability to deal with his condition. I know Americans think they can medicate everything, but mental illness is not the same as a physical illness. It's lifelong and you should know that.