My son is ruining my life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Military school great idea. Do it now while you still have power (he’s a minor) o

Ehh, my best friend in high school kind of sounds like your kid OP. He was a nightmare for his parents but around me was really kind and sweet, suffering from some MAJOR depression though and self medicating. His parents sent him to "military school" and all it did was offer free range access to drugs and parties (just now without any parental knowledge). It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Does he have a job or any other obligations? I'm assuming he's in counseling...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been really hard with him since birth. We tried everything. Counseling, adhd meds, etc. He is a very unhappy volatile person. Now that he’s a teen, it’s nearly impossible to live with him. He’s turned into this person I dislike so much. He’s crude, caustic, barely getting by at school, smokes weed, and is always in an explosive mood. My husband grew tired of it all long ago and pretty much checked out. He’s gone for work and when he doesn’t work he golfs. My other son, who has none of these issues, escapes in his own way. I’m a SAHM left holding the bag, and trying to keep everything together as best I can. My marriage has suffered terribly. I’ve suffered terribly, I am depressed (medicated) and in therapy but nothing ever gets better.

I am so sorry, OP. I don't know how to help you, but I hope you get help. Maybe you have to consider sending DS to some kind of program/school. You need to look out for your other son and yourself. DH needs to get back in the game and help you. I just feel for you and want to reach and say I'm so sorry. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. It sounds to me like he (still) has untreated mental illness even though you have tried a lot of things. Maybe post on the special needs board and see if anyone has any advice? Residential therapy/school can be a life changing option, if you can afford it.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. I have a difficult teen as well. Every day seems to drag on, and I’m so tired. No advice, just commissiration.

[Anonymous]

He’s self-medicating if he’s smoking weed. Get him on the right prescription meds and you’ll likely see a different child. I know that’s harder done than said, but I’ve watched three adults do a 360 after quiting pot for anti anxiety meds.

[Anonymous]

What kind of discipline has he had growing up? Do you hold him accountable for his actions or by this point are you guys just looking the other way. I realize you in a tough spot but I’d be curious to know the history of this.

[Anonymous]

Stories like this is why I am NOT having any children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stories like this is why I am NOT having any children.

Yet you hang out on a board called DC Urban Moms and Dads. Ok.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry OP. I am a mom to two SN kids, with less issues than your DS, sounds like. DS with insane anxiety, is a good kid, but here I am going to his college today and tomorrow because he is a total mess due to his anxiety and perfectionism and asked me to come and help. I am in grad school now, something I postponed for my kids, I don't regret it at all, but find that even now I can't ever relax. Any phone call makes me nervous and nothing is still simple. I am sorry some pps are cruel.

[Anonymous]

Since he has ADHD, now is the age when the anxiety and depression can show up if they didn't when he was younger. I would try and get him in to talk to someone and see if these are factors. They were for our DS. Medication and therapy can help.

[Anonymous]

I would recommend a high-quality therapeutic school rather than military school. Military school can send the kid home for smoking weed. You still are on the hook for tuition.

[Anonymous]

Blue Ridge School - life changing for boys if you can afford private boarding school that is character building, not military

https://www.blueridgeschool.com/

[Anonymous]

I grew up with an asshole sibling and she became an asshole adult. Sometimes your kid is just a jerk. I am not writing this to hurt you, or to judge you. I’m writing this because I have watched my Parents agonize over my sister my entire life.

Do what you think is best, cross your fingers, hope he outgrows this, but do not make yourself feel like you’re life is ruined. Honestly, you may want to consider getting a job. Just to get out of the house and put your mind on something totally unrelated to this dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many men just check out when the home situation gets bad.

If you're married to a nagging, obsessive, hyper-controlling DCUM wife, it's easier to give her what she thinks she wants - control over everything - and head on out to the gym or the links. You want to run the show? You got it! Oh darn, you don't like getting what you wish for? Too bad!

A real man wouldn’t allow anyone to drive a wedge between him and his child, especially if said child had issues. So, no, you don’t get to blame your weak lily-livered behavior on others. You advocate for your child, instead of hiding away.

+1 A real man would not leave the sahm to figure everything just because things are rough at home. A man who checks out is just weak weak weak. I'm a PP who stated that a friend's husband checked out because of their SN child. Even my DH said this guy was weak and not a real man.

Maybe the woman is nagging you because you are not a real man but a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 13 yr old DS is pretty great. But, he hasn't hit puberty yet. I have no idea what he will be like once those hormones kick in. We have told him that if he ever becomes too much for us to handle (ie, drugs, acting out, etc..) we would send him to military school. We are not a military family in the sense that DH was in the military (my brother was in the National Guard), but we told him that we love him too much to let him fail at life and/or end up in jail. So, military school it will be.

I see it like rehab - if your kid has a problem and can't seem to get himself in order, he needs help, probably more than you can handle right now, especially since your husband has checked out (and might I add, he's a jerk and a loser of a father for doing so.. sorry).

Then why on God’s green earth are you listing here?? You have absorbed nothing that the OP has said, you’ve made her feel bad talking about how your kid is ‘pretty great’ when she has dealt with a child who has been difficult all of his life, her husband is a nightmare and her other son who maybe is ‘pretty great’ is stressed from living in this family. This woman is in pain. But you thought that it was a good idea to brag about your son to her and then opine - ha ha! - about what would happen if your son became difficult even though there are no signs of that. You are a horrible, self centered twit . And dense - you are a hugely dense person.