Weird habits of the house/houseguest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's 2019, and you live near DC. Assume that if you are going to a household where at least one adult is of Asian descent, you will have to remove your shoes. Get over it. I prepare for all kinds of cultural differences when I go to white people's homes...

I agree with you.

NP and genuinely curious: how do you prepare for cultural differences in white people's homes? (Just curious for the perspective that I might not be aware of.)

NP, but my husband and I always eat before visiting our white friends. We know it's likely that we won't like the food, they won't serve food, or they'll serve something weird to eat at a party like soup.

When we host parties and we know some of our white friends will be coming, we tell them a different time to show up because we don't want them showing up hours before everyone else. We also choose a more "palatable" playlist that won't make them uncomfortable, and we set up a quiet space because they frequently complain that the party is too loud. Conversely, we think it's weird to throw a party with no music, no food, and everyone sitting in a circle staring at one another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's 2019, and you live near DC. Assume that if you are going to a household where at least one adult is of Asian descent, you will have to remove your shoes. Get over it. I prepare for all kinds of cultural differences when I go to white people's homes...

Huh? Nobody in my family is Asian, but I still don’t want you to wear dirty shoes inside my house!

It’s not a cultural thing, it’s a cleanliness thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I am going to someone’s house I make sure my feet are “presentable,” just in case I need to take my shoes off. Those of you who are so inconvenienced by having to do so are inconveniencing us, the people who don’t want the crap from your shoes all over our house.

Lol. No. I am not going to wash my feet every time I leave the house in case I stumble into a house where people people find it so overinconvenient to allow people in, that they do not allow them to where shoes.

You don't wash your feet every day??? It's not hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's 2019, and you live near DC. Assume that if you are going to a household where at least one adult is of Asian descent, you will have to remove your shoes. Get over it. I prepare for all kinds of cultural differences when I go to white people's homes...

I agree with you.

NP and genuinely curious: how do you prepare for cultural differences in white people's homes? (Just curious for the perspective that I might not be aware of.)

NP, but my husband and I always eat before visiting our white friends. We know it's likely that we won't like the food, they won't serve food, or they'll serve something weird to eat at a party like soup.

When we host parties and we know some of our white friends will be coming, we tell them a different time to show up because we don't want them showing up hours before everyone else. We also choose a more "palatable" playlist that won't make them uncomfortable, and we set up a quiet space because they frequently complain that the party is too loud. Conversely, we think it's weird to throw a party with no music, no food, and everyone sitting in a circle staring at one another.

We also eat beforehand mainly because we are vegetarians and will usually find nothing to eat. Once our friends called me to celebrate my birthday and forgot to make something vegetarian and I genuinely was okay with it since I understand that it’s something new for them.
I make sure that I have napkins available during meals at our home( we wash our hands in the sink after meals), cook with less spice for them and always try to make a dish recognizable to them like spaghetti.

[Anonymous]

My MIL has a kitchen that closes. What's hilarious is that she doesn't do a bit of cooking as they have a kitchen staff, so it's not like it's an inconvenience to her if you want a banana at 2 PM.

It was super fun to visit her with little kids who didn't stick to the eating hours of 7 am, 1 pm, and 7 pm.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in shoe free home. And I try to keep a shoe free home but I am happy to accommodate guests. It has nothing to do keeping floors clean in as much as it is hygienic thing. My ILs absolutely hated this and refused to take their shoes off whenever they came to visit. Fast forward 10 years, they all want to keep shoe free houses. I refuse to take my shoes off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People with no-shoes-in-the-house policies are rude if they don’t provide medical booties to slip OVER the shoe for guests who need arch support, have feet problems, etc.

this is a total no brainer because hospitality is 100% and not one iota less about making your guests feel welcome and comfortable. If the first thing you do is hit me with a shoes off request without forewarning, you’ve already made me feel awkward.

While I agree with you 100%, sadly the entitled people around here are more concerned with keeping their floors spotless. Who cares about the stinkin’ guests when the maid won’t be here til next week?!?

You see rather ignorant, selfish and probably lazy for not taking off your shoes if you know it is a shoes off house. It is a universal practice, to do what the host is doing. You need to get out more. I always assume there is good reason for not having shoes - not just a pissing contest, like you want to make it. Some people have severe allergies, and cannot have shoes in their house. I respect that their health comes first. That is not up to you to decide. Take it down a couple notches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not particularly weird, but I’m not a fan of situations where the host asks you to remove shoes and there’s no advance warning that it’s a shoe-free house and no provision of slippers. From cold feet, to holey socks, to athlete’s foot, there are a lot of reasons why some of us are more comfortable with shoes on and need some sort of heads-up if we must remove them.

This is such a common expectation now its weird to be put off by it. And as there’s so much supporting evidence of all the literal crap shoes bring in-I find shoe wearing homes gross.

I was a principal ballet dancer (Prima Ballerina) for 20+ years & it absolutely ravaged my feet... permanently.

Today, I can only walk wearing shoes with supports in them, I can no longer walk bare footed AT ALL. At home, I wear custom slippers with the same supports in them, but they are very expensive as everything in them are custom made just for my feet.

What would you have me do in this situation?

You tell the host that you need to wear your shoes. What’s the big deal?

Is your explanation for needing shoes better than the hosts explanation for needing shoes off? What if both have health related reasons? The host should matter, it is only polite. If I go somewhere, I do what the host does. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in shoe free home. And I try to keep a shoe free home but I am happy to accommodate guests. It has nothing to do keeping floors clean in as much as it is hygienic thing. My ILs absolutely hated this and refused to take their shoes off whenever they came to visit. Fast forward 10 years, they all want to keep shoe free houses. I refuse to take my shoes off.

Awesome. They deserve it for being difficult pricks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's 2019, and you live near DC. Assume that if you are going to a household where at least one adult is of Asian descent, you will have to remove your shoes. Get over it. I prepare for all kinds of cultural differences when I go to white people's homes...

+1

Very true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's 2019, and you live near DC. Assume that if you are going to a household where at least one adult is of Asian descent, you will have to remove your shoes. Get over it. I prepare for all kinds of cultural differences when I go to white people's homes...

I agree with you.

NP and genuinely curious: how do you prepare for cultural differences in white people's homes? (Just curious for the perspective that I might not be aware of.)

NP, but my husband and I always eat before visiting our white friends. We know it's likely that we won't like the food, they won't serve food, or they'll serve something weird to eat at a party like soup.

When we host parties and we know some of our white friends will be coming, we tell them a different time to show up because we don't want them showing up hours before everyone else. We also choose a more "palatable" playlist that won't make them uncomfortable, and we set up a quiet space because they frequently complain that the party is too loud. Conversely, we think it's weird to throw a party with no music, no food, and everyone sitting in a circle staring at one another.

We also eat beforehand mainly because we are vegetarians and will usually find nothing to eat. Once our friends called me to celebrate my birthday and forgot to make something vegetarian and I genuinely was okay with it since I understand that it’s something new for them.
I make sure that I have napkins available during meals at our home( we wash our hands in the sink after meals), cook with less spice for them and always try to make a dish recognizable to them like spaghetti.

What is with this weird white people bashing? I’m a vegetarian and rarely have trouble finding something to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL has a kitchen that closes. What's hilarious is that she doesn't do a bit of cooking as they have a kitchen staff, so it's not like it's an inconvenience to her if you want a banana at 2 PM.

It was super fun to visit her with little kids who didn't stick to the eating hours of 7 am, 1 pm, and 7 pm.

We have set mealtimes at our house and if kids don’t want to eat then, they don’t eat. I’ve enforced this with my own kids since they started eating solid food.

It drives me bonkers when we watch other kids and they throw a tantrum over mealtimes or demand I make them something else. Sorry kid, but missing one meal won’t kill ya.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's 2019, and you live near DC. Assume that if you are going to a household where at least one adult is of Asian descent, you will have to remove your shoes. Get over it. I prepare for all kinds of cultural differences when I go to white people's homes...

I agree with you.

NP and genuinely curious: how do you prepare for cultural differences in white people's homes? (Just curious for the perspective that I might not be aware of.)

NP, but my husband and I always eat before visiting our white friends. We know it's likely that we won't like the food, they won't serve food, or they'll serve something weird to eat at a party like soup.

When we host parties and we know some of our white friends will be coming, we tell them a different time to show up because we don't want them showing up hours before everyone else. We also choose a more "palatable" playlist that won't make them uncomfortable, and we set up a quiet space because they frequently complain that the party is too loud. Conversely, we think it's weird to throw a party with no music, no food, and everyone sitting in a circle staring at one another.

We also eat beforehand mainly because we are vegetarians and will usually find nothing to eat. Once our friends called me to celebrate my birthday and forgot to make something vegetarian and I genuinely was okay with it since I understand that it’s something new for them.
I make sure that I have napkins available during meals at our home( we wash our hands in the sink after meals), cook with less spice for them and always try to make a dish recognizable to them like spaghetti.

What is with this weird white people bashing? I’m a vegetarian and rarely have trouble finding something to eat.

How is this white peoples bashing? The only they served was soup and I couldn’t have the soup but like I said no big deal.
BTW this happens in any home that we visit that are huge meat eaters, especially if it’s like a barbeque. PP asked specifically about white people and all the white people I know are meat eaters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's 2019, and you live near DC. Assume that if you are going to a household where at least one adult is of Asian descent, you will have to remove your shoes. Get over it. I prepare for all kinds of cultural differences when I go to white people's homes...

I agree with you.

NP and genuinely curious: how do you prepare for cultural differences in white people's homes? (Just curious for the perspective that I might not be aware of.)

NP, but my husband and I always eat before visiting our white friends. We know it's likely that we won't like the food, they won't serve food, or they'll serve something weird to eat at a party like soup.

When we host parties and we know some of our white friends will be coming, we tell them a different time to show up because we don't want them showing up hours before everyone else. We also choose a more "palatable" playlist that won't make them uncomfortable, and we set up a quiet space because they frequently complain that the party is too loud. Conversely, we think it's weird to throw a party with no music, no food, and everyone sitting in a circle staring at one another.

We also eat beforehand mainly because we are vegetarians and will usually find nothing to eat. Once our friends called me to celebrate my birthday and forgot to make something vegetarian and I genuinely was okay with it since I understand that it’s something new for them.
I make sure that I have napkins available during meals at our home( we wash our hands in the sink after meals), cook with less spice for them and always try to make a dish recognizable to them like spaghetti.

What is with this weird white people bashing? I’m a vegetarian and rarely have trouble finding something to eat.

How is this white peoples bashing? The only they served was soup and I couldn’t have the soup but like I said no big deal.
BTW this happens in any home that we visit that are huge meat eaters, especially if it’s like a barbeque. PP asked specifically about white people and all the white people I know are meat eaters.

I’m vegan (and white) and I also have trouble finding things to eat. Once at a cookout they made me a plain grilled portobello mushroom. It was kind, but only around 30 calories so I was still starving. It’s not a big deal, I would have difficulty serving someone who only wanted meat since I can’t cook it worth a damn, so I understand and try to eat beforehand or bring along a dish to share that I can fill up on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not particularly weird, but I’m not a fan of situations where the host asks you to remove shoes and there’s no advance warning that it’s a shoe-free house and no provision of slippers. From cold feet, to holey socks, to athlete’s foot, there are a lot of reasons why some of us are more comfortable with shoes on and need some sort of heads-up if we must remove them.

I am TOTALLY with you on that. I really hate when I don't know that the "shoes off" thing is coming. My feet are hard to maintain - I exercise a lot so they're really battered, plus I loathe getting pedicures - but I would make a point to be sure they're presentable if I know they will be presented.

I also like notice. My back and feet bother me if I don’t have support so I bring slippers w/ support to no shoe houses. Plus, I don’t wear pants that are hemmed for shoes with heels.