Do you rely on your DH for emotional support?

[Anonymous]

I am, OP. But he's my second husband. I realized I'd be stupid not to partner with him when I grasped that I could count on his emotional support. I didn't even know what it felt like before to have that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my husband couldn’t support me emotionally and be my best friend, we wouldn’t be together. For me that’s an important part of feeling complete trust in our relationship.

I’m an earlier poster. This whole “husband as a best friend” thing is kind of dumb. Is he probably the closest person in the world to me in terms of knowing my inner thoughts and day-to-day activities? Absolutely. And we connected emotionally? Absolutely. Do I also use other people in my life for emotional support? Also yes.

¯\_(?)_/¯ You do you. But I’m being honest. Men are capable of having this emotional connection. Most of the men my friends are married to are this way. If it works for you not to have it, that’s chill. For me it would be a nightmare to live with someone who wasn’t a source of emotional support. I’d be sad for my kids too not to have someone who was fully emotionally available as a father.

Let me repeat from above:
Are we connected emotionally? Absolutely.

He IS a source of emotional support, but far from my only one.

[Anonymous]

Isn't this the point of a husband?

[Anonymous]

Yes, totally. Once we both got really upset about something and he actually said to me, "I think we need to break down over this. I'm about to blow so do you mind if I go first and then I'll better be able to be there for you when you break down, okay?"

DH plays piano all the time, for all his emotions, and I can tell how he's feeling by what he's playing. He's a rock generally.

[Anonymous]

OP is extremely selfish. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Only her emotional well being is important. Her DH's feeling/anxieties are not recognized.

[Anonymous]

Mostly no. I stopped trusting him when he let me and our family way way down. Inner thoughts? Those stay inside.

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy. I understand that sometimes women just like to vent. But I get very tired very fast if they're not looking for a solution. Why listen to someone complain about the same thing over and over again, who takes no steps to solve it? Admittedly, I don't take the necessary steps to solve the problems in my life. But I also don't vent about them. I only bring stuff up when I want help finding a solution. It seems like a lot of PP are facing this in their spouses; some seem okay with it, others not. I don't think it is a case of capability of emotional support. It's a question of why provide it to someone who wants to conceive or herself as a victim. It's fine sometimes, but it gets nauseating. Of course, I'm not referring here to real traumas. But to venting about day-to-day stuff. My fiancée doesn't vent that much, and I appreciate that immensely. It's part of the reason I respect her a ton.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You woman-babies should learn to be strong and independent! It is not your husband's job to coddle you like a whimpering child who needs a boo-boo kiss!

Oh so when my mom had cancer I should kerp everything in. Great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You woman-babies should learn to be strong and independent! It is not your husband's job to coddle you like a whimpering child who needs a boo-boo kiss!

Oh so when my mom had cancer I should kerp everything in. Great!

You must love playing victim in real life.

[Anonymous]

In my experience, there are few men that can meet your emotional needs totally. Women need women. It's the bottom line. You can get a hug and maybe even the words, "it's gonna be okay. everything will be alright." And as women we need that. But most of that emotional need is going to be met by close female friends, a close mother or sister or friend. As I said, I have found there is an occasional man that is totally in touch with his feminine side and can talk about his own feelings as well as hear yours and meet your needs, but it is rare. Do you have some close friends you can turn to? How wonderful that you are coming up and out of your depression! I wish you the very best. Have you tried writing out your feelings? Sometimes that can be a great help. Are you in a church? Talk to your pastor or even just to God yourself! It's a good feeling to let it out to someone that can rejoice with you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not really. I have friends for that. I have a therapist I go to a few times a year.

They can't be your everything.

Color me crazy but being spousal emotional support should be the #1 job of the husband to the wife, and the wife to the husband. I can't imagine any scenario where my DH isn't the first person I want to tell, bad/sad things but great things as well. I feel like so many of the marriages here are really just business arrangements...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not really. I have friends for that. I have a therapist I go to a few times a year.

They can't be your everything.

Color me crazy but being spousal emotional support should be the #1 job of the husband to the wife, and the wife to the husband. I can't imagine any scenario where my DH isn't the first person I want to tell, bad/sad things but great things as well. I feel like so many of the marriages here are really just business arrangements...

I’ll color you, you’re crazy too.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I feel supported emotionally by my DH, but I have other people I go to also. As others have said, sometimes I have to tell him exactly what I need to hear. Sometimes to the point of telling him what to say. He’s happy to oblige, though, and it ends up being pretty funny (and effective) to create the dialogue I’m looking for.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and I'm lucky. He's a very analytical/pragmatic person, whereas I'm more emotionally-charged. He's very grounding and offers a really straightforward perspective on the situation. Also, he is just a loving person and there when I need him. And sometimes, that just means that I need his shoulder to lean on. Of course, I provide the same level of emotional support for him. Unconditionally.

I'm lucky to have my close friends and mother in my life for emotional support as well. But it is really special that DH and I have this connection with one another.

[Anonymous]

OP, my DH used to be like yours. I’m pretty strong so when I would break down he’d end up in a panic and we’d spend more time talking about him than
me. We ended up in marriage counseling for 2 years and at least now he knows how to say “I’m so sorry. I’m here for you and we will get through this.” Anything other than that - I go to my therapist and/or my best friends. But that little bit of improvement on my DH’s end saved our marriage.