My teen is missing and don't want to come home

[Anonymous]

OP is still blind and deaf as to why this happened. nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - after nearly two months, my DD returned all on her own. She said she does not know why she ran, but go tired of running and wanted to come home. I'm assuming I will never know the truth, but she is back. She has to go through a program (court mandated) but she is near by and we, as the parents can visit her during the week/weekends.
The reason I did not respond to some of the questions is that when your down, you need encouraging words, not questions and nastiness. I want to thank those who had positive responses - it was much appreciated!!
Keeping my fingers crossed this was just a bump in the road and we are on the straight and narrow now.

That's great news OP! I hope she gets the help she needs and stays with you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I wish you and your daughter the best. I’m just glad for you that she is back. You can move forward with whatever supports are needed and recommended. Until folks have walked in your shoes, they have no right to judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is still blind and deaf as to why this happened. nice.

Said the evil control freak. Sometimes, you can not know the answer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend's daughter left home at 16. Her father (my friend's husband) is a narcissistic asshole and very controlling in a way he thinks is funny. He isn't angry / aggressive at all but is emotionally abusive in his 'jokes' and how he talks to others.

My friend's daughter stayed home to 'work' while the family were out for the day. They came home to find she had cleaned out her belongings and left them a letter.

The letter basically said she was leaving because of dad. That she had an eating disorder and depression and since he mocked those things she could never get better at home. She also realized that it was home that led to the development of both those things as she fought for control and felt helpless and that she had started to become suicidal and realized she had to get out. She said she never intended to see or speak to her father again abut that she wanted to maintain contact with my friend and her siblings as long as they never told her father where she was or any information about her. She also said in the letter that P.S mom - he treats you just as bad, I don't know why you take it but I am not going to live like that.

It's been two years and true to her word, she has not seen or spoken to her father and she did not come home despite his demands that she do so immediately. He initially forbade my friend or the other kids from seeing her. My friend did secretly see her a number of times. One of the best things to come out of it is that watching her daughter has empowered my friend to actually stand up to him a little more. She now openly sees her daughter and took her daughter and other kids away for the Christmas holidays, leaving dad at home and against his wishes.

Her daughter is happy and healthy and in therapy. Dad controls all money and he has refused to pay for anything for her so she is taking a couple courses at community college and working full time. My friend sees her often and the siblings do as well. The next younger sibling is now 16 and is threatening to do the same and move in with her sister. My friend still sticks by her husband.

Oh God. I could be the mother in that story, except that I stand up for my kids tooth and claw, and get into huge fights with my husband about it. My worst fear is that my kids will blame me for somehow enabling their father's control-freak behavior. I am working to prevent that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - after nearly two months, my DD returned all on her own. She said she does not know why she ran, but go tired of running and wanted to come home. I'm assuming I will never know the truth, but she is back. She has to go through a program (court mandated) but she is near by and we, as the parents can visit her during the week/weekends.
The reason I did not respond to some of the questions is that when your down, you need encouraging words, not questions and nastiness. I want to thank those who had positive responses - it was much appreciated!!
Keeping my fingers crossed this was just a bump in the road and we are on the straight and narrow now.

I suggest you say something like:
"Whenever you're ready, I would like to know why you ran away, even if you are afraid it will hurt me. I love you and want to protect you always. Tell me how."

She may not clearly know why she ran away, OP. Perhaps she will tell you years from now. It's OK. Hugs all around.

[Anonymous]

She probably ran to avoid going to the court mandated program. Most treat the kids pretty badly. I'd run too.

[Anonymous]

Glad she’s back!

[Anonymous]

Happy to hear she returned, it must be such a relief

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update, OP. I am really wishing both of you the best. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - after nearly two months, my DD returned all on her own. She said she does not know why she ran, but go tired of running and wanted to come home. I'm assuming I will never know the truth, but she is back. She has to go through a program (court mandated) but she is near by and we, as the parents can visit her during the week/weekends.
The reason I did not respond to some of the questions is that when your down, you need encouraging words, not questions and nastiness. I want to thank those who had positive responses - it was much appreciated!!
Keeping my fingers crossed this was just a bump in the road and we are on the straight and narrow now.

I suggest you say something like:
"Whenever you're ready, I would like to know why you ran away, even if you are afraid it will hurt me. I love you and want to protect you always. Tell me how."

She may not clearly know why she ran away, OP. Perhaps she will tell you years from now. It's OK. Hugs all around.

THIS is the kind of response and input this forum needs. Not all the negativity and assumptions from the judgmental posters above. Good lord, who do you think you are?

People - PLEASE consider that when people post something like this they want and need HELP. Maybe they are a bit down, scared, confused, upset, angry, etc. What good does it do to throw negativity and judgement WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING THE STORY.

Imagine if you got diagnosed with cancer and posted in a forum looking for help/info/support. How would you like it if the reply was basically: "Well, you probably got it because of your unhealthy life style. You need to admit that and get your sh*t together before you can get healthy. It was your bad choices that brought you here so until you stop smoking/drinking/etc you're doomed."

I just feel like we need to be supportive because parenting, marriage, and life itself can sometimes feel like more than we can deal with. Hugs to everyone.