People who won't visit without their pets: a vent

[Anonymous]

I have 3 dogs. I love them so much but I would never force them on a host and I certainly wouldn't ever bring them into the home of an allergic person, especially one in your husband's situation. His eyesight is at stake here.

Your parents are being incredibly rude, at best. Obviously they need to hire a sitter to stay in their own home with their dogs. That is the only real solution if they want to visit you.

[Anonymous]

I think the more you bend over backward for people, the more they lose it when you put your foot down. Sorry, OP, it really sucks.

[Anonymous]

OP they are emotionally blackmailing you. You want them to love their grandson and they insist on being in control. Who else would bring large dogs over to someone’s house who has an allergy? I agree they are saving money as boarding large dogs gets expensive but these dogs are the center of a power struggle.
My dogs vs your home/child/ family.
You have gotten good advice to say no more dog visits as it seriously irritates husbands eye issue.
And BTW I’m sorry your husband is going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the more you bend over backward for people, the more they lose it when you put your foot down. Sorry, OP, it really sucks.

+1 I’m usually the first one to defend the grandparents against their grumbling kids but this is terrible. Just tell them your husband’s sight is more important than their dogs staying at your house. And it’s a good thing they cancelled their visit if they can’t be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Tantrums are a common response to new boundaries — at any age. I’m sorry, OP, this situation stinks. I’m glad, however, that you have the opportunity to reset the rules for your house. It’s not crazy to board dogs or hire a sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Specifically, my parents. They have two horribly behaved dogs. Large dogs that jumps, bark loudly if the wind blows (never mind if the mailman comes, ...Right now, my DH is recovering from a very serious eye injury. We won't know the extent of the damage and if it will result in needing a cornea transplant until it has fully healed in 3 to 5 months. The cornea specialist has been very clear that DH must avoid anything that can irritation and inflammation of his eye...

I've had dogs for decades and some we traveled with...those dogs from puppy on only went to accepting households and stayed on leash until old enough to do sit. stay, down. All ours know inside v outside behavior. With the DH allergies NO dogs should ever be allowed in the house. I have severe cat allergies and have reactions from dander where there isn't even a cat but when frantic on a plane for example people nearby have said they had cats.

Even without allergies you should not allow dogs with those behaviors in your house or on your property. What breeds or mixes are those dogs? The perfect out might be your homeowners policy. Ours has breed exclusions and if anything happened the claim would be void and we would be dropped from the carrier. That applies to dogs invited onto to the property and present with our consent .

They're Treeing Walker Coonhounds.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, sorry. So did they actually say they won't come if the dogs can't stay at your place? That does seem like choosing the dogs over you all, necessarily- it could be some sort of irrational thinking that on their end doesn't equal that intention.

That said, you are being 100000% reasonable. Given the health issues I'd even make your parents shower, change clothes before seeing your husband -- but that may not be reasonable.

What do they say if you ask them about husband's eye- i mean, if you say the doctor says DH can't have irritated eyes, which dogs do to him - do you think we should ignore the doctor's comments about the potential impact of your dogs on his long-term ability to see?

WEird. so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think this is a good thing. You need to change your policy to NO DOGS AT ALL EVER and here you have a good jumping off point for it.

You have said your piece and made your boundaries and now you just patiently enforce until, as you do training a dog, they get it.

+1 I often think that DCUMers are unduly harsh on family members, but I would NEVER allow a family member or friend to bring a dog into my home unless it was a legitimate service animal. I can't imagine expecting others to accommodate this. Stand your ground, OP (and thank your DH for being so willing to sacrifice for your parents.)

[Anonymous]

Forward this thread to your parents, OP. If they are going to permanently damage their relationship with you by being insane and selfish about their dog then you might as well blow the whole thing up and let them read for themselves how you feel and the unanimous support you have received from anonymous strangers. They need to see that their behavior is wrong and quite literally crazy. What has happened in this country in the last 20 years where dogs have become the emotional focus in the lives of some people? Is it loneliness? An inability to connect with other humans? Selfishness (since really, for people like this their dog just represents an extension of themselves?). I’m sad for you, OP, that you’ve had to witness your parents becoming assholes is in their old age.

[Anonymous]

Rules take a little getting use to. That's why it's important to establish rules early-on, and enforce consistently.

Give the new-normal time, Op. This is about the long game. Don't accuse, or add drama to this. Let time pass. Things get better with time. It just might take awhile... even years is worth it.

[Anonymous]

I don't care how well behaved pets are, they're not welcomed/allowed in my house.

[Anonymous]

But at the end of your post, don’t you mean they are picking their dogs over your DH? You said their grandson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re about to get a puppy and every time I read posts like this I vow not to be the ahole dog owner! Do not give an inch OP: your parents are selfish and totally ridiculous

It’s not hard. Dogs are not people. Don’t take your dog places except - your yard, for walks, dog park, the vet, Petco, places it is explicitly invited.

[Anonymous]

I'm not allergic to dogs, but I don't have dogs and I have a relatively clean house, and a preschooler who is timid around dogs, and I just don't like them enough to want them in my home. Occasionally someone will ask if their dog can come when they visit, and I just say "our house isn't really set up for animals, no, sorry". Once someone tried to say that they'd pen the dog off in another room and I just said "how about we pick a different evening when you can come without the dog?" (They were coming over for dinner and to watch the football game- so truly no reason to not leave their dog at home for 3 hours!) They backed down, but I still remember them pushing the issue and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth to this day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But at the end of your post, don’t you mean they are picking their dogs over your DH? You said their grandson.

We have a toddler DS.