Dating a divorced person still living with spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone married should be off limits period. If they are going through the divorce or separated you simply say, "Ok great, give me a call when you're single and divorced".

That’s pretty harsh.

Why? I’ve not met one person who is separated/going through divorce who doesn’t have a ton of emotional baggage and/or ex drama. I’m sure there’s the rare 100% amicable divorce with no issues, but I don’t think it’s common.

That’s the EXACT time you need a boyfriend or girlfriend.

PSA:

No, you do not need a BF/GF. BF/GF implies that you are ready for some level of commitent. It means you are ready to put another person’s needs before your own to some extent.

When you are divorcing, you need a FWB - someone you can hang out with and do some activities with and sleep with, NSA. You can negotiate a FWB that is mongamous for sex, but free to date and end the FWB at any time. OR you need to date around a lot and sleep with other people.

The last thing you need is to jump into another relationship when you haven’t yet ended the one you’re in and definitely haven’t figured out and taken responsibility for its dissolution.

Maybe, possibly, not all people or relationships are the same. But good for you for having all the answers.

A FWB is a relationship. Cohabiting divorced couples need FWB, not bf/gig. The latter implys a level of commitment and responsibility, neither of which a cohabiting divorced person can give someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone married should be off limits period. If they are going through the divorce or separated you simply say, "Ok great, give me a call when you're single and divorced".

That’s pretty harsh.

Why? I’ve not met one person who is separated/going through divorce who doesn’t have a ton of emotional baggage and/or ex drama. I’m sure there’s the rare 100% amicable divorce with no issues, but I don’t think it’s common.

That’s the EXACT time you need a boyfriend or girlfriend.

PSA:

No, you do not need a BF/GF. BF/GF implies that you are ready for some level of commitent. It means you are ready to put another person’s needs before your own to some extent.

When you are divorcing, you need a FWB - someone you can hang out with and do some activities with and sleep with, NSA. You can negotiate a FWB that is mongamous for sex, but free to date and end the FWB at any time. OR you need to date around a lot and sleep with other people.

The last thing you need is to jump into another relationship when you haven’t yet ended the one you’re in and definitely haven’t figured out and taken responsibility for its dissolution.

Maybe, possibly, not all people or relationships are the same. But good for you for having all the answers.

A FWB is a relationship. Cohabiting divorced couples need FWB, not bf/gig. The latter implys a level of commitment and responsibility, neither of which a cohabiting divorced person can give someone.

BS. A relationship is a relationship. You can't characterize something like that as FWB. What if it is exclusive? And you care about the other person? Just because some people are in a couple, married or not, doesn't necessarily mean there relationship is any better than someone who is dating on a committed basis, a gf/bf, even while still cohabitating.

Indeed, looking at all the affairs and terrible marriages, including those with angry wives whose husbands are useless, the type of gf/bf while one is still in home but separated, may be the best relationship - they have to prove their value every day, none of this sitting around watching football, who takes care of kids more, poison.

[Anonymous]

What is wrong with all the women here? All trolls? What did all the men die in WWII last year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone married should be off limits period. If they are going through the divorce or separated you simply say, "Ok great, give me a call when you're single and divorced".

That’s pretty harsh.

Why? I’ve not met one person who is separated/going through divorce who doesn’t have a ton of emotional baggage and/or ex drama. I’m sure there’s the rare 100% amicable divorce with no issues, but I don’t think it’s common.

Agree. Strongly. It’s rare to have true emotional health in the period surrounding divorce. You may want company, and even think you’re ready, but what there is to offer the other person isn’t often fully fledged. Experienced this from both sides.

[Anonymous]

NP here, I lived with my ex husband for the 3 years following our divorce. We have 4 kids. We slept together frequently. I am sure he lied to whatever gfs he had. Based on experience I would say not to enter into a situation like this-- too messy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here, I lived with my ex husband for the 3 years following our divorce. We have 4 kids. We slept together frequently. I am sure he lied to whatever gfs he had. Based on experience I would say not to enter into a situation like this-- too messy.

Wow, I can't even imagine this - did you sleep in the same bed? How often did you have sex? why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here, I lived with my ex husband for the 3 years following our divorce. We have 4 kids. We slept together frequently. I am sure he lied to whatever gfs he had. Based on experience I would say not to enter into a situation like this-- too messy.

Wow, I can't even imagine this - did you sleep in the same bed? How often did you have sex? why?

Me either. Why did you get divorced? I can't imagine sleeping with my ex while we were divorcing, and I know many other people in the same position (who tell me very explicit details, so I would know) who would not either. I'm not saying that this doesn't happen. Obviously, it does. But it seems more the anomaly than anything. Most of my friends are physically repulsed by the person that they are divorcing (which is not to say that they are always over them, these are two different concepts).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone married should be off limits period. If they are going through the divorce or separated you simply say, "Ok great, give me a call when you're single and divorced".

That’s pretty harsh.

Why? I’ve not met one person who is separated/going through divorce who doesn’t have a ton of emotional baggage and/or ex drama. I’m sure there’s the rare 100% amicable divorce with no issues, but I don’t think it’s common.

Agree. Strongly. It’s rare to have true emotional health in the period surrounding divorce. You may want company, and even think you’re ready, but what there is to offer the other person isn’t often fully fledged. Experienced this from both sides.

I wish people would wait and heal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here, I lived with my ex husband for the 3 years following our divorce. We have 4 kids. We slept together frequently. I am sure he lied to whatever gfs he had. Based on experience I would say not to enter into a situation like this-- too messy.

Wow, I can't even imagine this - did you sleep in the same bed? How often did you have sex? why?

Yes, we slept in the same bed. And 2-3 times per week, which was our average during the marriage.

Honestly, at the time of the divorce I was no where near being over him. I oddly got over him during the 3 years post divorce. Not having the official title of married helped me get used to the idea of being divorced. We had discussed remarriage, but the 3 years showed me that he had not changed and was not capable of change, so I moved on. Living together helped me ease into the idea of being divorced and it also helped me prepare better financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone married should be off limits period. If they are going through the divorce or separated you simply say, "Ok great, give me a call when you're single and divorced".

That’s pretty harsh.

Why? I’ve not met one person who is separated/going through divorce who doesn’t have a ton of emotional baggage and/or ex drama. I’m sure there’s the rare 100% amicable divorce with no issues, but I don’t think it’s common.

That’s the EXACT time you need a boyfriend or girlfriend.

PSA:

No, you do not need a BF/GF. BF/GF implies that you are ready for some level of commitent. It means you are ready to put another person’s needs before your own to some extent.

When you are divorcing, you need a FWB - someone you can hang out with and do some activities with and sleep with, NSA. You can negotiate a FWB that is mongamous for sex, but free to date and end the FWB at any time. OR you need to date around a lot and sleep with other people.

The last thing you need is to jump into another relationship when you haven’t yet ended the one you’re in and definitely haven’t figured out and taken responsibility for its dissolution.

Maybe, possibly, not all people or relationships are the same. But good for you for having all the answers.

A FWB is a relationship. Cohabiting divorced couples need FWB, not bf/gig. The latter implys a level of commitment and responsibility, neither of which a cohabiting divorced person can give someone.

NP bur really STFU about this. YOU wouldn't date them and neither would I but that doesn't mean they aren't ready for a relationship and shouldn't/can't be in one. Go away Hilary Faye

[Anonymous]

I also lived with my ExH post divorce. Sure he had his own space, but we were definitely still having sex. Sex wasn’t the problem in our relationship and it was frankly too convenient to avoid. I’m sure at some point my ExH was meeting women and telling them that we led separate lives, had separate bedrooms, blah blah blah. I wouldn’t even entertain dating someone in this situation, but would consider a FWB arrangement depending on the person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone married should be off limits period. If they are going through the divorce or separated you simply say, "Ok great, give me a call when you're single and divorced".

That’s pretty harsh.

Why? I’ve not met one person who is separated/going through divorce who doesn’t have a ton of emotional baggage and/or ex drama. I’m sure there’s the rare 100% amicable divorce with no issues, but I don’t think it’s common.

That’s the EXACT time you need a boyfriend or girlfriend.

PSA:

No, you do not need a BF/GF. BF/GF implies that you are ready for some level of commitent. It means you are ready to put another person’s needs before your own to some extent.

When you are divorcing, you need a FWB - someone you can hang out with and do some activities with and sleep with, NSA. You can negotiate a FWB that is mongamous for sex, but free to date and end the FWB at any time. OR you need to date around a lot and sleep with other people.

The last thing you need is to jump into another relationship when you haven’t yet ended the one you’re in and definitely haven’t figured out and taken responsibility for its dissolution.

Maybe, possibly, not all people or relationships are the same. But good for you for having all the answers.

A FWB is a relationship. Cohabiting divorced couples need FWB, not bf/gig. The latter implys a level of commitment and responsibility, neither of which a cohabiting divorced person can give someone.

NP bur really STFU about this. YOU wouldn't date them and neither would I but that doesn't mean they aren't ready for a relationship and shouldn't/can't be in one. Go away Hilary Faye

They have their FWB relationship. That's all it can be in their present situation. Why is it hard for you to accept that? Apparently, they have. Now, if they are allowed to bring their fwb around the kids, then its something different . . . Maybe a communal relationship.

[Anonymous]

he is still sleeping with her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:he is still sleeping with her

My ex and I were not. It was about 4 months. I was revolted by him in every way possible so I bet there are other couples not having sex, but cohabiting temporarily.