Adult sibling relationships?

[Anonymous]

My brother is 10 years older than I am and we have no relationship. He grew up mostly in another country. When he moved at home he was never interested in forming a relationship with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my family the girls are close but no one is close to my brother. Mostly that is because both he and his wife have some pretty significant personality and mental health issues that make it hard to be around them. We all live in the same area but we don't see them unless it is a holiday. It is better that way. I personally am sad for their children but trying to help results in a lot of drama and seems to escalate their problems.

Holy crap, I could have written this exactly, word for word.

[Anonymous]

I have two younger brothers, both live a plane ride away and have several kids, busy jobs, full lives. They have very nice spouses who make small gestures such as sending a birthday card. We have tried over the years to remain close, but as life goes on, things happen and feelings deepen, resentments build. Now it's more obligatory. We exhange photos and email updates, but it feels very distant to me. I love them, but they are so far away and so preoccupied, and have also both launched into a much (MUCH) higher income brackets than me. This is probably the biggest obstacle. They want to meet up for the weekend in Costa Rica or Vail, which is not doable for me, and also their lifestyle standards are not something I can offer when they visit. I am proud of them, but I do see how they've kind of left their previous life in the dust.

Anyway, this thread also makes me sad, as a parent of two, who I dearly hope will look out for one another and stay close. I can see their personality and interests are already very different, as middle schoolers however. What can we do to help them keep the bond close and warm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two younger brothers, both live a plane ride away and have several kids, busy jobs, full lives. They have very nice spouses who make small gestures such as sending a birthday card. We have tried over the years to remain close, but as life goes on, things happen and feelings deepen, resentments build. Now it's more obligatory. We exhange photos and email updates, but it feels very distant to me. I love them, but they are so far away and so preoccupied, and have also both launched into a much (MUCH) higher income brackets than me. This is probably the biggest obstacle. They want to meet up for the weekend in Costa Rica or Vail, which is not doable for me, and also their lifestyle standards are not something I can offer when they visit. I am proud of them, but I do see how they've kind of left their previous life in the dust.

Anyway, this thread also makes me sad, as a parent of two, who I dearly hope will look out for one another and stay close. I can see their personality and interests are already very different, as middle schoolers however. What can we do to help them keep the bond close and warm?

Me too. It's awkward, but true.

[Anonymous]

I have five siblings. I am very close to four of them, and estranged from the other. (We are all estranged from him.)

Our parents are dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my family the girls are close but no one is close to my brother. Mostly that is because both he and his wife have some pretty significant personality and mental health issues that make it hard to be around them. We all live in the same area but we don't see them unless it is a holiday. It is better that way. I personally am sad for their children but trying to help results in a lot of drama and seems to escalate their problems.

Holy crap, I could have written this exactly, word for word.

It is sad. I don't get how it happened when we were raised pretty much the same. But it is what it is I guess. We've all talked and we have tried to get ready in case they ever have a major problem and those kids need a place to be. In the meantime we can only watch and hope for the best.

[Anonymous]

So, I have two sisters. We are all in our mid 30's. They are single and live together as roommates. I am married with kids. Im finding it harder and harder to relate as we lead such different lives. They have no understanding of what it is like to be responsible for other human beings and I cant comprehend living the way they do at their age--- still rummaging through our moms cabinets for snacks, eating take out every meal, etc. Theyre just very much still like "kids" but are in their 30s. I wish we were on the same chapter in our lives bc it would have been fun to be able to relate.

[Anonymous]

My brother is about three years older than me, and he's never really had much time for this little sister. It makes me sad because our mother is already gone and our father is pretty old, and when they are gone I doubt my brother will ever be responsive to my attempts to be friendly with him. I adore his kids, though, and they seem to be nicer than he is.

He also just has no real emotions, and certainly no guilt. Ditto with his wife. They feel what they feel, are certain they are in the right 100% of the time, and do no reflection to ponder that it could possibly be otherwise. He was at least fun before he met her--now he's withdrawn from almost all of his friends. She brought out his worst traits, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

I have one brother, he's 2 years older. We've never been best friends, but our family as a whole is very close. So I've never gone long periods of time without seeing or talking to him.

3 years ago, I had my first (and only, for now) child. My child is the only grandchild on my side. My brother and my 3 year old ADORE each other. I mean, they are obsessed with each other. My brother makes frequent trips to see us now. So, I do believe we are closer now than ever thanks to my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two younger brothers, both live a plane ride away and have several kids, busy jobs, full lives. They have very nice spouses who make small gestures such as sending a birthday card. We have tried over the years to remain close, but as life goes on, things happen and feelings deepen, resentments build. Now it's more obligatory. We exhange photos and email updates, but it feels very distant to me. I love them, but they are so far away and so preoccupied, and have also both launched into a much (MUCH) higher income brackets than me. This is probably the biggest obstacle. They want to meet up for the weekend in Costa Rica or Vail, which is not doable for me, and also their lifestyle standards are not something I can offer when they visit. I am proud of them, but I do see how they've kind of left their previous life in the dust.

Anyway, this thread also makes me sad, as a parent of two, who I dearly hope will look out for one another and stay close. I can see their personality and interests are already very different, as middle schoolers however. What can we do to help them keep the bond close and warm?

Do not compare your children or show any preferential treatment.