Graduation HS Senior wants to go to Europe with friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's spoiling. At 18 and financed herself, I'd be happy for her.

Np: spoiling doesn’t have to be negative if you also parent your child. I was spoiled, but still appreciate(d) everything my parents have done/do for me and am a productive, non-entitled person.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious how so many of you envision your kids in college.

Will they ask you before they go out of town for weekend? Even tell you?

Will you "allow" a summer internship in a different city where they will have no "group" or supervision?

If they make money at that summer job and decide to pay for their own spring break somewhere, will you try to say they aren't allowed to go?

Will they be allowed to study abroad? If so, will you be banning all the last minute crazy weekend travel that happens when you study abroad?

Some of your reactions seem so out of touch with what a normal college experience should allow for!

OP's daughter will still be 17 at the time; apparently isn't paying for the trip or part of it; and as far as we know from OP, doesn't have experience yet living with others (like a college student would have after a while in a dorm or apartment). So the specific situation OP is asking about is not comparable to a college student who is paying for a trip, or taking an internship, or studying abroad. Whether or not you think the daughter should make this particular trip, it's just not the same as the things you list above. Just because some of us think OP's daughter shouldn't go on this one trip, that does not mean we think all college students should be wrapped up in bubble wrap and forced to stay in their dorm rooms for four years.

[Anonymous]

So to get to the point: If OP, her daughter, and the daughters friends don't realize that you get into bars and clubs at 17 anyhow since they wont ID you, then there are serious questions about their cultural competency in handling this. It sounds like none of them have traveled. Please find a good formal exchange program as an alternative, so she can travel and enjoy Europe with some cultural guidance.

I agree with people that Europe is not always safe but if you know the language of the country you are in or at least a Europe language (no English doesn't count) that goes a long way when it comes to safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my daughter's super smart friends got permission to do this and my daughter who tells me everything told me she was being a drunken wh*re, dressing like a sl*t, and got an STD.

My answer is: HELL. NO.

She couldn't have done any of those things in the US? All three would be entirely possible in a few months, once they're away at college. Foreign travel doesn't suck out your brains.

Well, at a college there are dorm RAs, campus police, local police, academic discipline concerns for kids who get out of line, kids are the same age, 99% of the kids you're around were filtered by admissions.

Comparing first year of college (essentially a bubble) with unsupervised foreign travel is ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter, a HS senior, wants to go to Europe over the summer with 7 other girls--all of them in her class. Has anyone sent their kids on such a trip? What issues did you encounter?

I'm thinking there's bound to be drama between the girls and I wouldn't be surprised for the group to splinter. I'd be fine with a smaller group but I'd also tell her that under no circumstance is she to leave the group to be solo, with another group, with a boy etc. Also, she will be 17 during the trip and most of the others will be 18 so she's requested permission to get a "fake". I don't see the big deal and actually feel she'd be safer with it since she wouldn't be left alone. Do you even need ID in Europe?

Any other thoughts?

My thoughts about your question are as follows:

[Anonymous]

The first year of college is not a bubble. Kids travel spontaneously to cities far more dangerous Western Europe. A lot of kids get fake ids or have older friends buy beer, etc. when your child leaves for college, they are for the most part legal adults, able to vote, join the military, and even get married. So traveling in Europe is certainly ok. But do have your daughter develop a plan B. If the group breaks up she needs to contact you and let you know where she is going and with whom. Also I agree that she needs to have at least 1 traveling companion. It’s a good time for her to learn about foreign travel, safeguarding your passport, being aware of pick pockets, what do do in emergencies, etc.

[Anonymous]

In lived Spain and Italy and was aggressively groped when out in public, especially in Italy. Not sure why people think Europe is so safe. I absolutely felt like I could have been EASILY raped if I had been stumbling around drunk. I felt much much safer back in the states than southern Europe. I'm wondering how many of you have your heads up your asses. The treatment of women is despicable.

I loved Europe, but safe as a young woman? No. I would not want my 17yr old daughter getting herself white girl wasted all over Europe. Your daughter sounds terribly immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter, a HS senior, wants to go to Europe over the summer with 7 other girls--all of them in her class. Has anyone sent their kids on such a trip? What issues did you encounter?

I'm thinking there's bound to be drama between the girls and I wouldn't be surprised for the group to splinter. I'd be fine with a smaller group but I'd also tell her that under no circumstance is she to leave the group to be solo, with another group, with a boy etc. Also, she will be 17 during the trip and most of the others will be 18 so she's requested permission to get a "fake". I don't see the big deal and actually feel she'd be safer with it since she wouldn't be left alone. Do you even need ID in Europe?

Any other thoughts?

ABSOLUTELY NOT. I assume you are the teen looking for an argument to use with your mom.

Ditto

[Anonymous]

ok just NO on the fake ID.

Then, it depends on the temperament of your teen, and I would suggest, if she has that one really reliable friend that will not abandon her in case the group starts getting either catty, or wild. That friend and your DD should have the same agenda.

If she has that one friend, AND if she can be that same type of friend to that friend, then I think it's ok. The two of them will protect each other from any dangers, and protect each other from their group if necessary.

I say this because after graduate school I went through Europe with two classmates that I didn't know as well as I should. We didn't realize until we got there that our agendas were different--I wanted to see the historical sites, one wanted to shop, and the third wanted to screw any guy she could find. LSS, the shopper left early, and then that third classmate got me in a couple of stressful situations, as her target-of-the-night always had a friend who would train his focus on me.

Most importantly, this classmate was naive and we ended up almost getting kidnapped in Naples. I know this sounds unbelievable, but it was a very scary situation, and it was due to her being so ready to go anywhere with male strangers and I was trying to not leave her alone (and also not be alone myself). I was trying to get her to get out of the situation by coming with me (of course I was going against the guys, going against the group pressure). She was recalcitrant until it finally dawned on her that we were in danger, and by then we were in too deep.

ugh I hated typing that; I haven't thought of it in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Natalie Holloway

NO!!!

Omg, all teenagers alive font have to live in a bubble because of Natalie Holloway. Teach your kids not to leave their chaperones to go off alone with some psychopath boy that they just met and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter, a HS senior, wants to go to Europe over the summer with 7 other girls--all of them in her class. Has anyone sent their kids on such a trip? What issues did you encounter?

I'm thinking there's bound to be drama between the girls and I wouldn't be surprised for the group to splinter. I'd be fine with a smaller group but I'd also tell her that under no circumstance is she to leave the group to be solo, with another group, with a boy etc. Also, she will be 17 during the trip and most of the others will be 18 so she's requested permission to get a "fake". I don't see the big deal and actually feel she'd be safer with it since she wouldn't be left alone. Do you even need ID in Europe?

Any other thoughts?

My thoughts about your question are as follows:

Got that right. Honey - if she fakes her ID and her passport she very well might not be allowed back into the country. Good luck with her imprisonments and the huge legal fees and all. These things aren’t taken lightly anymore.
If your daughter goes overseas she’s going to need to go as herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first year of college is not a bubble. Kids travel spontaneously to cities far more dangerous Western Europe. A lot of kids get fake ids or have older friends buy beer, etc. when your child leaves for college, they are for the most part legal adults, able to vote, join the military, and even get married. So traveling in Europe is certainly ok. But do have your daughter develop a plan B. If the group breaks up she needs to contact you and let you know where she is going and with whom. Also I agree that she needs to have at least 1 traveling companion. It’s a good time for her to learn about foreign travel, safeguarding your passport, being aware of pick pockets, what do do in emergencies, etc.

A lot of kids get fake ID’s for foreign travel? Nope.

Traveling to Europe is ok? With who? Who is paying for it exactly?

This is the most ridiculous post ever..

[Anonymous]

NFW. Insane.

I went on a Europe trip with my friends AFTER COLLEGE GRADUATION, with my own money that I earned.
That was the right time.

[Anonymous]

OP you are clueless in part based on the arrangements that she is suggesting. Both of you are wrong