If you could have a guaranteed drama free open marriage / relationship would you?

[Anonymous]

Why shouldn't the AP share in the spoils of your marriage? They ate performing a critical role in the maintenance of the marriage?

By share spoils do you mean receive cash, gifts, etc. for having the affair? An AP that should be "paid" for having sex = a sex worker, not an affair partner.

If both people are married should the female AP share her wealth with her male AP to compensate him for his critical role in maintaning the marrage?

[Anonymous]

Man here. Nope, I would not do it. As a single guy, I only have open relationships, but I never have to explain to a potential bang that I have a wife and I don't have a wife hanging over my head threatening to take half my stuff and half my retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have an open relationship with a strict “don’t ask, don’t tell.” It works pretty well for us and we don’t pry into each other’s private communications. I limit most of my activities to out of town conferences and business trips, though i’ve had local FWB from time to time. He’s definitely had lovers, but I can’t tell you much about it because it’s none of my business. He is my life partner and I adore him, but the sexual chemistry faded a long time ago. We have no interest in blowing up our lives but still want needs met. “No drama, no diseases, and make it as discreate as possible” is our motto.

I don't think I could do that without getting emotionally caught up in the whirlwind of someone new. Someone exciting that you have no shared responsibilities with always shines a spotlight on my SO's "flaw" (aka being a human that I have to get along with, share physical space with, agree on decisions with, get things done with etc) and I'd constantly be making negative comparisons to the detriment of my relationship.

Good for you if you make it work though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why shouldn't the AP share in the spoils of your marriage? They ate performing a critical role in the maintenance of the marriage?

By share spoils do you mean receive cash, gifts, etc. for having the affair? An AP that should be "paid" for having sex = a sex worker, not an affair partner.

If both people are married should the female AP share her wealth with her male AP to compensate him for his critical role in maintaning the marrage?

Nope totally different. Reoccurring affairs are more than just sex; its the same with a true FWB situation as opposed to a straight s*x partner/ONS. There are varying levels of commitment and emotional involvement as well as sexual relations. Intimacy and sex is a big part of a marriage, people divorce over the loss of it all the time.

Most longterm APs operate this way anyway. A married man, or woman, is not just coming over for a quick exchange. Now, he might tell you differently, but it's the truth of the matter--being a kept woman does not mean a one-way transaction.

Why do you think someone should provide this essential part of a marriage and just walk away? Stay in your sexless and emotionless marriage then!

[Anonymous]

Now, he might tell you differently, but it's the truth of the matter--being a kept woman does not mean a one-way transaction.

What kind of transaction does it mean? If you are a kept woman, how many different "ways" do you have a "transaction"?

Answer the question directly. Should men (or women) give their APs money?

[Anonymous]

No, but I’m really into my husband. We have a great/exciting sex life.

He’d probably be more interested in it than I would purely by virtue of the fact that he’s a man. Though I think he’d prefer having a threesome more than a relation totally separate from me.

[Anonymous]

No. I am reasonably attractive and so is my wife. But she could find someone else in three minutes with all the.horndogs out there.

[Anonymous]

No, not for affair type partners. I wouldn’t be able to handle the emotional ties that would come from the other partners, either on my or DH’s side. That said, I’d potentially say yes to one night stands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I am reasonably attractive and so is my wife. But she could find someone else in three minutes with all the.horndogs out there.

This. It works out much better for the women. If you are a dude and you have FOMO, open marriage is not for you.