Husband went to his parents for money without discussing it with me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your husband’s parents are going to pay for your husband’s education and you are upset because no one involved you in the matter.

You sounds ungrateful and a PITA. You are turning this into a problem, you find most things involving your in laws a problem, I’ll Bety.

I think the bigger issue is that they're going to pay for him to go to school full time instead of a few classes per semester with tuition reimbursement from his job, so he's going to quit what OP says is the best job he's ever had to go back for "more training."

So the HHI is halved (or at least lowered) not only without her being on board but with him knowing she wasn't comfortable with it.

OP I would not be okay with this. My brother is like this -- drifts from job to job, never a career, and always thinking the next thing will be fulfilling. I don't know how my SIL deals with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. DH is not quitting his job. With the financial support he will be taking two classes a time instead of one. I really do hope this helps him career wise, but he was dead set on doing his last graduate program and now he is unhappy with the results. I think I have grounds to be dubious about this.

DH was unemployed for a period of almost two years when DS was a newborn, and it took him almost another year to get a solid full time job. I drained down most of the savings I had accumulated to support us during this time.

DH's parents have done some charming things with money. They sold his childhood home to his sister in a sweetheart deal right when we were buying our house and did not offer us any support. We ended up using an FHA loan which was ridiculous.

What has been more hurtful is their lack of involvement with DS. I have invited them to every birthday, etc., which they never attend, and my MIL in particular has made minimal effort. I thought we had both agreed that anything that we would receive from them should be kept for DS's benefit, so I am surprised DH went to them for this.

I hope this does benefit DH, but I think my entire situation in my marriage with DH and my in-laws stinks.

You are completely out of line OP. They provide for THEIR children, you provide for yours.

If you couldn’t take care of DS yourself with your DH then maybe you should have reconsidered him as a spouse because it sounds like you thought your well-off ILs would be financing your lifestyle. No that’s for you and your DH to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your husband’s parents are going to pay for your husband’s education and you are upset because no one involved you in the matter.

You sounds ungrateful and a PITA. You are turning this into a problem, you find most things involving your in laws a problem, I’ll Bety.

I think the bigger issue is that they're going to pay for him to go to school full time instead of a few classes per semester with tuition reimbursement from his job, so he's going to quit what OP says is the best job he's ever had to go back for "more training."

So the HHI is halved (or at least lowered) not only without her being on board but with him knowing she wasn't comfortable with it.

OP I would not be okay with this. My brother is like this -- drifts from job to job, never a career, and always thinking the next thing will be fulfilling. I don't know how my SIL deals with it.

Not quitting his job. 2 classes at a time instead of one at a time.

[Anonymous]

My DH got an MBA while my kids were young. The class time + study time is considerable. Whatever DH used to do with the child or around the house now falls to the wife. So I think it's a family decision. In the OP's case, her husband doesn't have a good track record. At this point, you probably have to sit back and watch. Maybe he will surprise you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH got an MBA while my kids were young. The class time + study time is considerable. Whatever DH used to do with the child or around the house now falls to the wife. So I think it's a family decision. In the OP's case, her husband doesn't have a good track record. At this point, you probably have to sit back and watch. Maybe he will surprise you.

But OP’s DH DID discuss going back part-time and she agreed with him that it was okay. He wanted to finish faster and take two classes, but that would be more than the job would cover. She said the issue was about money/financing and he figured out a way to still finish faster AND A solution to them spending money out of their pocket.

[Anonymous]

What kind of grown adult gets money from parents? He needs to act like a grown man. Mommy and daddy shouldn't still be wiping his butt.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be mad about the money.

But I would be furious about a unilateral decision to quit a job and go back to school. You can't make a big decision like that without agreement from your spouse.

Sounds like you picked a dud, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The two issues are separate. You don't like the inlaws.

This. I was with her until she went on a tirade about her inlaws.

Next.

[Anonymous]

Are you his mother or his wife? Gross.

The man wants to better himself and his parents want to help and you ate complaining because you have a fragile ego. Of course he went behind your back. You are selfish and nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. DH is not quitting his job. With the financial support he will be taking two classes a time instead of one. I really do hope this helps him career wise, but he was dead set on doing his last graduate program and now he is unhappy with the results. I think I have grounds to be dubious about this.

DH was unemployed for a period of almost two years when DS was a newborn, and it took him almost another year to get a solid full time job. I drained down most of the savings I had accumulated to support us during this time.

DH's parents have done some charming things with money. They sold his childhood home to his sister in a sweetheart deal right when we were buying our house and did not offer us any support. We ended up using an FHA loan which was ridiculous.

What has been more hurtful is their lack of involvement with DS. I have invited them to every birthday, etc., which they never attend, and my MIL in particular has made minimal effort. I thought we had both agreed that anything that we would receive from them should be kept for DS's benefit, so I am surprised DH went to them for this.

I hope this does benefit DH, but I think my entire situation in my marriage with DH and my in-laws stinks.

You sound more whiny and immature with each post

I have a feeling that if they gave you money that benefitted you directly you would lap it up. But because you see this gift sd for your DH you are jealous. Your inlaws probably stay away for good reason. It is not because they dont care, they just dont want to deal with a drama queen.

Your husband would be smart to leave you before his parents croak and leave him a nice inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Woman here, it's none of your business, nor is your business any of his.