I made it to day 3 of the extended family vacation before telling MIL to MYOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess my generation was different from yours. I have college aged kids. I strongly disliked spending time with my in laws, but I sucked it up because it was the right thing to do. It made them happy and was only for a few days at a time. You all sound so entitled and selfish, frankly. Family is about compromising.

OP here. It’s not “a few” days, it’s 7. And FIL/MIL don’t compromise on anything. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Do wives really refuse to travel with their inlaws? And their husbands just say “yes dear!” My husband is not like that.

Yes, I really do refuse, and there's nothing DH could say to change my mind. He doesn't have to agree. My inlaws are constantly saying offensive and inappropriate things about my religion and stating that I should try going to their Christian church. I'm not going on vacation with them. I'll see them at holidays and local events and be nice, but I'm not spending my limited vacation time dealing with that.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe in "sucking up" anything. Women are always expected to put their own wants, needs, and desires last. Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess my generation was different from yours. I have college aged kids. I strongly disliked spending time with my in laws, but I sucked it up because it was the right thing to do. It made them happy and was only for a few days at a time. You all sound so entitled and selfish, frankly. Family is about compromising.

It's not OP's family.

They are her children's family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people continue to share houses with family?

Because they can’t afford to go on vacation on their own I’m guessing...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people continue to share houses with family?

Because they can’t afford to go on vacation on their own I’m guessing...

Or are too cheap to do so.

[Anonymous]

What did your kid do that you needed to discipline him for?

If it involved your MIL and she wanted you to do more than "discuss" it with little johnny, she had the right to butt in

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people continue to share houses with family?

Because they can’t afford to go on vacation on their own I’m guessing...

Or are too cheap to do so.

OP here and neither is true in our case. It’s just guilt...the whole “they are getting older and really want everyone in the same house” guilt. Good news is my husband’s sister can’t go next summer (it’s her year to go with HER inlaws) and my IL’s would never go without her so we get at least one year off. Then the year after that is my 40th and I want to do something awesome so we will have a good excuse that year.

[Anonymous]

I’m now a MIL and have my 3 adult DDs plus 1 SIL, 1 fiancé, 1 grandchild. So far we’ve done 1, usually 2 (7+ days) vacations a year with everyone-and so far so good!

We all like shared houses for the most or small inn type places where we come together for meals. We all seemlessly take alone time as needed but do things together too. Me & DH usually pay for houses but our ‘kids’ travel so much now we have them use their miles for airfare (except DD in law school.) The only recurring stress seems to be room assignments which I mostly do. Truly always provide bedroom for everyone (no pull out couches in family room) but maybe it’s have 3 to deal with where one always feels slighted

I’m hoping I’m never THAT MIL !!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m now a MIL and have my 3 adult DDs plus 1 SIL, 1 fiancé, 1 grandchild. So far we’ve done 1, usually 2 (7+ days) vacations a year with everyone-and so far so good!

We all like shared houses for the most or small inn type places where we come together for meals. We all seemlessly take alone time as needed but do things together too. Me & DH usually pay for houses but our ‘kids’ travel so much now we have them use their miles for airfare (except DD in law school.) The only recurring stress seems to be room assignments which I mostly do. Truly always provide bedroom for everyone (no pull out couches in family room) but maybe it’s have 3 to deal with where one always feels slighted

I’m hoping I’m never THAT MIL !!

Good for you for having a good had on your shoulders, PP. I enjoyed your post. You are a great example of how considerate (ie: welcoming) MILs should be. Some MILs just have "beach week" for bragging rights - they want to tell people that "so and so did/did not attend beach week" and then make a big deal out of nothing, either way. That behavior is obvious, and not exactly welcoming.

[Anonymous]

Seeing as the OP keeps ignoring when people ask what the kid did, I have to assume the MIL was correct to step in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess my generation was different from yours. I have college aged kids. I strongly disliked spending time with my in laws, but I sucked it up because it was the right thing to do. It made them happy and was only for a few days at a time. You all sound so entitled and selfish, frankly. Family is about compromising.

It's not OP's family.

They are her children's family.

It doesn't sound like she's keeping the children from going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will telling her to MYOB actually help?

What was the question that tipped you over?

Are you sharing a room with your tiny children who wake up pre-6am?

DH and I were disciplining our child (calmly discussing). MIL was arguing with us over it. After explaining our reasoning a few times, and she kept at it, I just said, “honestly this isn’t really any of your business.” And she stalked off.

Don't do that. Stop explaining your reasoning. She sees that as an opportunity to debate with you. When she first butts in, you look at your DH sweetly and IGNORE HER. Your DH will already know how you feel about her butting in because you've talked about it, and HE will turn to her and say "mom, we've got this" and usher you and he a few feet further away to continue discussion. If she follows, HE looks at her and says "mom? please let us have a conversation alone".

End scene.

Good luck! I hope you packed vodka!

Thanks all, I was feeling guilty. Overall the trip hasn’t been too bad. Hopefully I won’t have to say any more.

What you said was rude, and you should apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t leave until Sunday and I’m done. Why did I agree to this? Inlaws are already discussing next time! Do wives really refuse to travel with their inlaws? And their husbands just say “yes dear!” My husband is not like that.

We have a "no vacations with parents" policy. One time we caved and went with my parents because the footed the entire bill for a location we'd never be able to swing on our own (and it involved many other family members). I didn't speak to my mother for 6 months after that debacle.

I detest my MIL and my DH knows that. I can barely tolerate dinner with her. He values his life too much to ever ask me to vs action with her.

OP here. I told my DH I didn’t want to do this again and he’s acting like I’m a horrible wife.

Don't make that decision while you are there visiting. Get through this trip, then have a discussion once you are back home.

Good luck. It sounds like you handled that encounter perfectly.

Disagree completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My vacation days are limited. They should not be spent appeasing or giving in, but in peace and having fun and as stress free as possible. Sharing space with DH's family = stress for both of us so we don't do it.

I do two nights max, go to bed early and deflect often. It's an ok compromise