Crazy MIL...tell me your stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When DS was born, I asked my husband not to have his goofy mother down to visit until after I went back to work - she is the opposite of helpful when she's here, and her neediness knows no bounds. She exhausts me.

So he told me one day he asked her if she could just watch the baby for a few minutes so he could take a shower. As soon as he emerged from the bathroom she said the baby had pooped and needed to be changed. Why had she not changed him? Because she "couldn't find the diapers." The Pampers, that were stacked right there on the changing table. My husband pointed them out to her and she said, "Oooohhhh, those are the diapers?" Come on.

I was almost happier when she just announced this time around that she doesn't change diapers. She was no more helpful, this time we just expected less.

Not saying that was the case but maybe she didn't know disposables? I know that the first time I had to change a disposable diaper I had no idea how to do it - was used to old fashioned cloth.... just saying.

I see your point, but with her it's an ongoing pattern of obliviousness that I find hard to believe after a while. But would you honestly not recognize disposables as diapers if they were stacked on the changing table? Would you let the baby sit in a poopy diaper or would you give the old diapering a whirl after a while?

I know in individual cases I just sound uncharitable, but it's always the same thing with her - she doesn't understand why we "don't let her" help, but she never offers, and when we do ask, she pleads ignorance. Or she'll screw it up and I have to spend twice as much time assuring her it's okay. When she was here recently for the new baby, she wouldn't so much as get herself a cup of coffee. She won't engage the toddler, then asks us in front of him, "Why doesn't he love me?? I'm his grandmother!" She just requires so much hand-holding and so many, many hugs - and with a newborn and toddler (and a husband who barely tolerates her), I have more enough on my plate.

[Anonymous]

PP - I KNOW what you mean, abolsutely! Especially if you have more than one toddler/infant; and if the DH is often another toddler/infant; THEN the MIL/Mother is an ADDITIONAL burden?!?!!? NO THANK YOU!!!

Now you know why people have nannies. And the MIL/Mothers that fail to mother have absolutely NO leg to stand on as far as pleading ignorance. They are simply a useless pain in the ass! There, I said it!

I have "friends" like that, too. If there is one thing I can not stand or even tolerate when I already have my own kids, it's take-take-takers!!!!

[Anonymous]

I cut mine out of my life this past summer. I feel liberated and practically weightless, as though a boulder had been lifted from my shoulders. a big, slimy, moss-covered boulder

boundaries, my dear ladies, boundaries!

[Anonymous]

10:31 - I give you permission to give the greedy, selfish, favoritism byotch a phtocopied anything you want; but I think a picture of your tuccus is most appropriate

[Anonymous]

I totally believe in boundaries. But REALISTICALLY, some MIL's you can not cut off, no matter how hard you try. So in the meantime, bring it on, I say! We need to SUPPORT each other and give each other an ***arsenal of how-to's.*** God knows, their bridge club is helping them out!

Ladies, we need each other. Keep it coming!

[Anonymous]

My MIL treated me like crap for the entire time my DH and I dated, until and after we got married. Some of it was centered on the fact that they are Jewish and I am not. But, that was just 1 issue. If we didn't do exactly as they thought we should, it was a whole load of guilt, manipulation and abuse.

It got so bad, we even tried "family therapy". During therapy, she admitted to us all that she was really only there for 2 reasons: (1) so that DH and I would take care of her when she got older; and (2) so that she could see her grandchild after the therapy session. She said that they "were GREAT people" and "did nothing wrong ever" and it was obvious that I was "brainwashing DH".

That was the last time I have spoken to her. It has been 2 glorious years of non-contact. DH has contact occasionally, but nothing like it was.

[Anonymous]

IL's will be her in 2 hours. They haven't seen DCs in over a month, though they live 40 mins away. 10 of those days they were on vacation, but they are just soooo busy. You know, you need time before and after the trip to France. And then, once you're back, you have to spend time at all 3 homes in the area. But they miss the kids soooo much.

MIL did manage to free up a day a week or so ago, but it was one of 3 days I work. She actually wanted me to cancel the nanny for the day so she could have time with the kids. I'm not opposed to that, but she's only willing to be here between 10-3 due to her fear of rush hour. The nanny is here from 8:30-5. I've had the same schedule for several months, but that doesn't matter.

I guarantee that when they arrive and DC's (who are 20 months) don't run and give her a hug, she's going to be upset. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

When we told MIL I was pregnant she said congratulations and her next question was are you getting fat? OK, odd but the kicker was her next comment. She bragged that she only gained 10lbs when carrying DH but she did smoke and only eat fruit when pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we told MIL I was pregnant she said congratulations and her next question was are you getting fat? OK, odd but the kicker was her next comment. She bragged that she only gained 10lbs when carrying DH but she did smoke and only eat fruit when pregnant.

Sidebar: My crazy SIL (DH's sis, who is MIL's favorite) wrote in my DD's christening/ baptism card this message, "Dear Susie, We love you so much and you're going to be such a beautiful woman someday. And don't worry, there is always plastic surgery to help!". Of course, this makes sense to SIL whose own mother gave her the advice to "Don't eat, stay skinny, and get married young while you're still pretty".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my MIL is very respectful. My MOTHER is the problem. whenever she comes to visit she rearranges my furniture and then throws a fit when i move it back. she washes my clothes when I beg her not to do so (while I"m at work) and ruins $200-300 shirts which I can no longer afford to replace. she throws out my food if it has hydrogenated oils, even though i grew up on hot dogs. she goes through my drawers and jewelry. i could go on and on...

Same deal here. My mom can be awful to my husband (and we live right next door), but he just sucks it up and shows he's a bigger person. It has very much affected my opinion of my mom, and I try to minimize contact with her. That's going to be harder as she gets older, because we're all she's got to take care of her in her old age.

[Anonymous]

"You know, you need time before and after the trip to France."


YES, YES, YES!!!!!! WTF? WHY do they have to pretend they visit and actually only see them around their trips!?!?!?!

Is it to make it look like they see DC more than they do (to their friends)? Like I would notice one way or the other if MIL sees DC around her trips. Really, are her friends this stupid?!?!?

DC could really care less if MIL sees them around her trips, either. SO WHO exactly does she think she is fooling?!?!?

She is just SOOOOO busy! I love it!

MIL lives practically walking distance. She takes these AMAZING dream trips and does all these activities from prearranged groups (they're from here and could NEVER make friends on her own - nor does the family, how odd is that?). But she absolutely refuses to babysit. Which is especially odd because she used to take her other GC for weeks at a time. HA!

It's just a matter of minutes before the phone rings for DH to RUN to put in a GD lightbulb for her......because he must have all the time in the world. WTF?!?!?

[Anonymous]

PP -- are your kids a bit younger than the other grandkids? I think some grandparents are less involved with their younger grandchildren because they fear that they are too frail, old, incompetent, etc. to take care of them. Just saying.

[Anonymous]

My best friend had a similar situation to the OP. Her 3 year old found and carried around a loaded shotgun that he found leaning up against the wall. When she went ballistic about it, the MIL started crying, said she needed to protect her house. She also said that she didn't understand why everyone was making such a big deal about. Later, she accused everyone of trying to find a reason to blame her and hate her.

My sister may be the (unfortunate) winner of the crazy MIL award. The woman had a history of mental issues and very unusual behavior. Her behavior was getting very strange and my sister did not want the kids her anymore. Two weeks later, she shot someone to death in her house during an argument. It was a close family friend that the kids knew. There were no charges filed because there was no evidence to counter her self-defense claim. All of her own child know she murdered that woman and have stop bringing the grandkids around.

[Anonymous]

oops. It should read "..my sister did not want the kids around her anymore."

[Anonymous]

Let's face it, these bats are giving us permission to be self centered, self entitled, world-revolves-around-me, bad driver, gun toting grandmas who do what they want WHEN they want.

How miserable must they be with that attitude? Do we REALLY want them around us, after all?

I really enjoy the stories. It is good to know we are not alone. Keep them coming!

OP, HOW did your visit go?!?