Would you maintain relationship with in laws for the sake of inheritance?

[Anonymous]

Donna Summer used to sing “she works hard for the money...”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you told me I could have $10,000,000 or to not have to see my narcissistic, overbearing, rude, unappreciative, and downright hateful MIL again, I’d take never having to deal with her again. If you have to ask, you know the real answer.

agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know if this newfound wealth is for real? If I had such a DIL like OP, I WOULD SPEND IT ALL BEFORE I DIE.

Guess you'd rather spite the DIL than benefit your son & his children, huh? What a witch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know if this newfound wealth is for real? If I had such a DIL like OP, I WOULD SPEND IT ALL BEFORE I DIE.

Guess you'd rather spite the DIL than benefit your son & his children, huh? What a witch.

I'm a DIL not a MIL and i agree with pp. OP of this thread is pretty gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know if this newfound wealth is for real? If I had such a DIL like OP, I WOULD SPEND IT ALL BEFORE I DIE.

Guess you'd rather spite the DIL than benefit your son & his children, huh? What a witch.

No one is entitled to anyone's money unless it's Uncle Sam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is an awful thing to say out loud, I know. In laws have always talked about a sizable inheritance going to Dh and his brother who is single. DH is ambivalent about seeing his parents regularly and we alternate holidays with them (to my MIL's dismay). Both of our families are local. Anyway, over the years I have reminded DH of their birthdays and helped with organizing get togethers for holidays or sending gifts, etc. I've found MIL to be childish and a bit erratic. She sulks if we are not with them on a holiday, if she feels we spend too much time with my family, and for a variety of other reasons. When she is in a good mood and feels like we're paying enough attention to her (usually around holidays we are with her or her birthday) she becomes quite generous all of a sudden and offers to pay for our children's tuition or to buy us a new big ticket item for the house, etc. Then other times, when we've done something wrong in her eye, which she doesn't always communicate, we won't get responses to our texts or calls, birthdays will get ignored etc. In the past I've reached out to see what is wrong and how we can smooth things over, but frankly, I'm tired of it. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and wondering what I or DH has done wrong. Sometimes she is justified for being upset - DH not making time to go see them or helping out when they ask, but other times I really have no idea what the issue is other than I'm taking her son away from her or our kids are spending too much time with our parents.

I think DH would be fine only seeing them once or twice a year but I feel like that is so wrong. I'm worried he'll regret it one day, our kids miss out on seeing them, we end up spending holidays with my family or alone, we are not made to feel a part of the family at times, and of course we don't benefit from their generosity. In the long run, I'm worried that MIL will end up cutting DH off if we go on a long streak of not seeing or communicating with them. She can be very petty, and didn't come from money herself so she loves the power of her fairly new found wealth.

Both your parents are local and DH has a brother that single and lives where? If local- ie DC and Rockville what's wrong with seeing both on a holiday? Are his alone while you all are at your parents or a sibs with 10 people? If you host your family invite those 3 from his on a holiday.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she is so touchy that you could do everything "right" for years and then if you make her mad and she happens to die shortly after she'll cut you off anyway so it will have all been for naught. So basically, I'd only do what you genuinely feeling like doing.

[Anonymous]

OP, hate to break it to you, but since you are being so blunt.....for all you know, every penny could be left to a charity, institution or stranger you have never heard of. Honestly, if my son married someone so presumptuous, that would most definitely be the end result. You are entitled to nothing. Stop being so grabby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, hate to break it to you, but since you are being so blunt.....for all you know, every penny could be left to a charity, institution or stranger you have never heard of. Honestly, if my son married someone so presumptuous, that would most definitely be the end result. You are entitled to nothing. Stop being so grabby.

And the parents who act like jerks aren't entitled to a relationship with their kid and kid's family.

[Anonymous]

There is one complaint I never understand. Why do grown-ass people complain about holidays so much? When you are in your 30s+ and have your own family, it is time to start hosting holidays once in awhile. Invite both sides of the family. You shouldn't depend on your parents or ILs to host every year.

[Anonymous]

If they are erratic and childish who's to say they won't change their will capriciously? I'd build the relationship you want to have with them

[Anonymous]

Focus on trying to have the relationship you WANT with them, apart from the money. Draw your boundaries and stick to them. The risk is that you lose your inheritance - but the potential benefit is that you just might establish a relationship you enjoy rather than one you feel beholden to.

I say this as someone with an extremely difficult relationship with my MIL, from whom we could theoretically inherit around 5 million. No amount of money is worth my making her and her desires the focus of our family life, which is what she would like. Yet, by focusing on building a relationship based on mutual respect, my DH is MUCH happier with his relationship with her. I have no idea if we will be cut out of her will. But at least I know I didn't spend decades (people live a LONG time these days!) trying to appease her for all the wrong reasons.

So, in other words, I think there is a third path, which is to try to forge a healthy relationship (with boundaries) not for the money but for your DH and your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, hate to break it to you, but since you are being so blunt.....for all you know, every penny could be left to a charity, institution or stranger you have never heard of. Honestly, if my son married someone so presumptuous, that would most definitely be the end result. You are entitled to nothing. Stop being so grabby.

And the parents who act like jerks aren't entitled to a relationship with their kid and kid's family.

That's fine. But OP is acting like she is "owed" the ILs money, and she most definitely is not. To add, OP is also acting like the only reason she talks to the ILs at all is so they will consider leaving her (and probably her DH) a chunk of their money. This makes me feel like the ILs should leave their money elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Focus on trying to have the relationship you WANT with them, apart from the money. Draw your boundaries and stick to them. The risk is that you lose your inheritance - but the potential benefit is that you just might establish a relationship you enjoy rather than one you feel beholden to.

I say this as someone with an extremely difficult relationship with my MIL, from whom we could theoretically inherit around 5 million. No amount of money is worth my making her and her desires the focus of our family life, which is what she would like. Yet, by focusing on building a relationship based on mutual respect, my DH is MUCH happier with his relationship with her. I have no idea if we will be cut out of her will. But at least I know I didn't spend decades (people live a LONG time these days!) trying to appease her for all the wrong reasons.

So, in other words, I think there is a third path, which is to try to forge a healthy relationship (with boundaries) not for the money but for your DH and your kids.

x1000

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

You’re gross, OP.