My kid is considering dropping out of TJ and taking the GED

[Anonymous]

Any normal kid can easily get "a mental issue" from TJ. Let's just be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your kid sounds smart, well thought out with a flair for some emotional drama. If you try to fit a smart kid into a normal bucket and measure them against regular standards, they will suffer. Most suffer in silence. Your child is at least bringing this to your attention.

None of us on the board can make an accurate assessment of your child though many PP's have suggested good questions. That's your responsibility as a parent.

This can't be the first time your child has mentioned their dissatisfaction with school. What did you say those other times? Did you formulate a plan with your spouse on how to address this? It sounds as if you and your spouse did not come up with a plan so your smart child came up with a plan on their own.

Help your child think through the consequences and if you and your spouse are ill equipped to come up with a plan, brainstorm a solution with your child and see if there is something that you all can agree on.

Honestly, a lot of these issues were a slow burn. Year one was difficult, but we attributed to adjusting and she always agreed with this. Year two was more of the same and I think something just snapped over Christmas break and she just pulled back. We started therapy during year one of TJ and honestly thought she was getting tools to manage the stress.

I think there's a lot of thinking to do. I definitely think we all need to get some research in place. When I had a call with the guidance counselor, I didn't get nearly as much in terms of ideas (her response: well, leave TJ, then and go back to the base or just get the GED. It's really your call). I appreciate everyone giving me some ideas to think through.

And yes, DD has a flair for drama and has struggled in structured environments. Oddly, she'd probably be a better fit for HB Woodlawn than TJ in hindsight.

why do you say "oddly"? It seems like maybe your daughter has been put in the "TJ or drop out" dichotomy due to that kind of thinking. Many great, brilliant, quirky kids go to their normal HS. give your daughter permission to take the middle route.

OP here. No, I absolutely would be thrilled if she went to our home school. It's walking distance, laid back and honestly it would be nice to have the kids in the same school (it's a 7-12). The HB Woodlawn comment was that she really hates the structure of high school. Talking to friends who have kids there, it seems like DD would have liked it but alas we live in Fairfax, not Arlington.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any normal kid can easily get "a mental issue" from TJ. Let's just be honest.

Do you have a kid there?

[Anonymous]

I know a kid doing this for a semester and loving it.

https://www.enf.org/outdoor-academy/


I would look into a student abroad program.

[Anonymous]

I also have a TJ sophomore. And the 1510 SAT is not unusual. My kid is middle of the pack, and has an SAT score in that range. And ai could see my kid coming up with something like this. It’s a bad idea, because some select colleges will not take GEDs. Because bringing academically ready for college and emotionally ready are different things. And because even assuming the math is there to move on, the junior and senior level history and English classes are necessary.

Some ideas:

A base school never killed anyone.

It is a tough time of the year ay TJ, especially if there are APs. Things will probably look a lot better next fall. The recent suicide is not helping this situation for many kids.

TJ is a special sort of stressful. But a good college is also going to be academically stressful. If you don’t address the underlying issue, you are just going to end up with a kid who is unhappy in college.

You need to talk to the guidance office. My understanding is that there is a way to take a break from TJ and come back under certain circumstances. It might also help if she lightens her load. No APs next year (except AB Calc), add in a fine arts class like art or drama and make sure she is really interested in the lab pre-recs.

A schedule with:

An online FCPS class, like psychology
Humanities 2 w/o APUSH
Physics (not AP)
AB Calc
oceanography (as a pre-rec) and anthropology
drama or art

For example a lot different than cramming in 4 APs, with AP BC Calc, APUSH, AP Physics, etc. you can work with her guidance counselor to make her junior academic load reasonable. Senior year, she can do an mentorship plus online English 12 and be off campus most of the day, 2 days a week. If she has made it this far, explore the options before bailing.

She can also homeschool. But she would need to get the basic VA requirements in.

Also, get her to a psychologist. Wanting out of TJ is normal. Wanting out of school altogether in 10th grade is a problem.

There are good colleges that will consider kids for admission after 11th grade— although most say only if you have exhausted your HSs offerings.

Mary Baldwin does have a program where girls can start college after 10th grade.

Whatever she ends up doing, a gap year sounds like a good idea.

But a GED after 10th grade severely limits her college options and does nothing to solve the I hate school problem. She would be bored to death in a community college, and still hate doing the work in a strong college. So that would be a no go for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oooof, no... not regular HS. She sounds brilliant. And unusual. But chilling for a year sounds like trouble for any teenager.
Is there some sort of interesting internship she could do?

There are brilliant kids with 1510 SAT scores at many area high schools other than TJ. They just don't have the toxic, cut-throat atmosphere created by tossing so many eager-to-please, competitive kids into the same space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also have a TJ sophomore. And the 1510 SAT is not unusual. My kid is middle of the pack, and has an SAT score in that range. And ai could see my kid coming up with something like this. It’s a bad idea, because some select colleges will not take GEDs. Because bringing academically ready for college and emotionally ready are different things. And because even assuming the math is there to move on, the junior and senior level history and English classes are necessary.

Some ideas:

A base school never killed anyone.

It is a tough time of the year ay TJ, especially if there are APs. Things will probably look a lot better next fall. The recent suicide is not helping this situation for many kids.

TJ is a special sort of stressful. But a good college is also going to be academically stressful. If you don’t address the underlying issue, you are just going to end up with a kid who is unhappy in college.

You need to talk to the guidance office. My understanding is that there is a way to take a break from TJ and come back under certain circumstances. It might also help if she lightens her load. No APs next year (except AB Calc), add in a fine arts class like art or drama and make sure she is really interested in the lab pre-recs.

A schedule with:

An online FCPS class, like psychology
Humanities 2 w/o APUSH
Physics (not AP)
AB Calc
oceanography (as a pre-rec) and anthropology
drama or art

For example a lot different than cramming in 4 APs, with AP BC Calc, APUSH, AP Physics, etc. you can work with her guidance counselor to make her junior academic load reasonable. Senior year, she can do an mentorship plus online English 12 and be off campus most of the day, 2 days a week. If she has made it this far, explore the options before bailing.

She can also homeschool. But she would need to get the basic VA requirements in.

Also, get her to a psychologist. Wanting out of TJ is normal. Wanting out of school altogether in 10th grade is a problem.

There are good colleges that will consider kids for admission after 11th grade— although most say only if you have exhausted your HSs offerings.

Mary Baldwin does have a program where girls can start college after 10th grade.

Whatever she ends up doing, a gap year sounds like a good idea.

But a GED after 10th grade severely limits her college options and does nothing to solve the I hate school problem. She would be bored to death in a community college, and still hate doing the work in a strong college. So that would be a no go for us.

OP, there's a lot of wisdom in this post.

[Anonymous]

I was over high school when I was 15 too. My parents explained to me how a GED was actually not equivalent to a diploma, and had me stay in school. I went on to a top college, and I’m happy they had me stick it out.

[Anonymous]

OP, FWIW I have a DD who is a sophmore at a FCPS base school and she is burnt out as well. DD came home last night and had a total meltdown over school. Teachers are loading up on quizzes, tests, projects and trying to push in the last missing units at the same time doing AP and SOL prepping. DD sees finals on the horizon and totally lost it saying she can't do this anymore and that HS is just too much. My DD does not mention quitting, but has certainly wished she was home schooled so she does not have to deal with the teachers, workloads, testing, BS courses they are required to take and cliques in HS. I'm just saying this because I think it is a difficult time of year for all high school kids. I think parents have to help kids manage through the stress, but I wish the schools would do more to recognize the pressure on these kids.

[Anonymous]

Why is your DD against going to the base school?

* feels embarrassed to go back after being in TJ (fear that others will think she failed out of TJ)?

* just done with anything related to school and sees the base school as the same thing as any formal school (including TJ)?

*doesn't feel like she still has friends there? She probably does have connections that she could rekindle from ES/MS.

* feels that it is beneath her given current academic demands?

Sometimes kids (and adults) see everything through the same lens -- which for her, is very dark right now. You say "school", she says "yuck!" I think if there is any perceived embarrassment or social disconnect affecting her thoughts about the base school, you want to be aware of that and consider that when talking about the base as an option.

I think the least extreme measures should be tried first. See how that goes, then agree to re-assess after 6 mos. A 15 yr old should not call all the shots -- but should be involved in this. If she wants you to consider her plans seriously, then she has to give your ideas a try. You are still the parent. But, work a deal with her.

Is there some area of interest for her at TJ -- (does she like biology or writing or computers?) See if a counselor at her base school could set her up with a teacher who could work with her on a project during the school year. Find something she can be excited about.... but you may need to wait until school is out to do this. If she isn't willing to consider alternative ideas, you need to help her get through this year and get some separation over the summer before she may be open to making a real plan. In the meantime, it seems like you would want to put her on the rolls at the base school so that is the default plan. GED is not an acceptable default plan.

[Anonymous]

OP, your DC might be interested in Blyth-Templeton Academy. Set up a tour and see what she says. http://www.blythtempleton.org

[Anonymous]

I wish we can help except we can pray! God gave you such a smart kid can score 1510 in SAT at the age of 15. It is a precious thing not happened to everyone. Please take it easy to let this tsunami pass without affecting your precious child.

[Anonymous]

Have you thought about getting her into college early? Mary aldwin has a program.

http://www.whsv.com/content/news/Teenager-graduates-from-MBU-looks-towards-graduate-schools-477788973.html
STAUNTON, Va. (WHSV) — At just 17-years-old, Corinne Weeks is getting ready to graduate from Mary Baldwin University with a degree in applied mathematics and minors in chemistry and physics. And she already has her pick of prestigious graduate schools....Right now, she has offers from Stanford, Princeton, Cornell, Michigan State, Purdue, and Case Western Reserve universities and the universities of Illinois, Texas, and Virginia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It does not make sense. She's been under extreme pressure. She needs a change but not a full stop.

This is what I'm struggling with. I want to be supportive, but I am trying to think through how to respond to someone who has a clear plan in their head and has taken steps toward finishing it.

The year abroad idea is a good one. DD did mention that she wanted to work, save, and travel during the proposed "year off."

I reached out to guidance at school and they weren't terribly helpful. Hence the panicked posting here. I need ideas and space to think this through.

Try again with guidance. Not all of the counselors are created equal, and you can talk to someone besides your kids counselor. Mr. Burke has a great reputation among the kids.

Also, go to the Real Talk TJ Tumblr and reach out to Fleur. She apparently was in a similar situation, left TJ for a year, did some homeschooling and came back. Graduated from TJ and is now in college. She is super nice and very responsive on the Tumblr and has a lot of common sense. She also does a great job providing practical, down to earth, realistic advice to kids who are thinking about leaving TJ. And she knows what the options are and how to make the system work under these circumstances. She posts anonymously, but says she is willing to talk to people who messenger her with issues like yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have a TJ sophomore. And the 1510 SAT is not unusual. My kid is middle of the pack, and has an SAT score in that range. And ai could see my kid coming up with something like this. It’s a bad idea, because some select colleges will not take GEDs. Because bringing academically ready for college and emotionally ready are different things. And because even assuming the math is there to move on, the junior and senior level history and English classes are necessary.

Some ideas:

A base school never killed anyone.

It is a tough time of the year ay TJ, especially if there are APs. Things will probably look a lot better next fall. The recent suicide is not helping this situation for many kids.

TJ is a special sort of stressful. But a good college is also going to be academically stressful. If you don’t address the underlying issue, you are just going to end up with a kid who is unhappy in college.

You need to talk to the guidance office. My understanding is that there is a way to take a break from TJ and come back under certain circumstances. It might also help if she lightens her load. No APs next year (except AB Calc), add in a fine arts class like art or drama and make sure she is really interested in the lab pre-recs.

A schedule with:

An online FCPS class, like psychology
Humanities 2 w/o APUSH
Physics (not AP)
AB Calc
oceanography (as a pre-rec) and anthropology
drama or art

For example a lot different than cramming in 4 APs, with AP BC Calc, APUSH, AP Physics, etc. you can work with her guidance counselor to make her junior academic load reasonable. Senior year, she can do an mentorship plus online English 12 and be off campus most of the day, 2 days a week. If she has made it this far, explore the options before bailing.

She can also homeschool. But she would need to get the basic VA requirements in.

Also, get her to a psychologist. Wanting out of TJ is normal. Wanting out of school altogether in 10th grade is a problem.

There are good colleges that will consider kids for admission after 11th grade— although most say only if you have exhausted your HSs offerings.

Mary Baldwin does have a program where girls can start college after 10th grade.

Whatever she ends up doing, a gap year sounds like a good idea.

But a GED after 10th grade severely limits her college options and does nothing to solve the I hate school problem. She would be bored to death in a community college, and still hate doing the work in a strong college. So that would be a no go for us.

OP, there's a lot of wisdom in this post.

+1. Very thoughtful and genuine post. Wish all posts were like this in trying to help and share experiences and wisdoms.