My kid is considering dropping out of TJ and taking the GED

[Anonymous]

A couple of ideas, all of which include leaving TJ:

--dual enrollment in community college with base HS (if this is allowed)
--private HS that has low structure, lots of opportunities for independent study/research
--base HS, but build in some experiences at FCPS academies to give your student some different experiences and keep them out of any pressure-cooker culture at your base school (not sure which academies your child could go to from where you live)

[Anonymous]

Sounds like something you might be able to discuss with a therapist.

And maybe she should get a summer job in retail.

[Anonymous]

I have a good friend that got a GED after getting accepted at a top program.

Now at 40 it is sort of fun to talk about how she dropped out of High School. [she has a phd]

There are home school co-ops - I know there is one in Alexandria.

[Anonymous]

I would support this but require her to do something useful during the gap year. Not stressful, just volunteer somewhere cool or work a job on a farm or something she is passionate about to give her a change of pace while being occupied.

[Anonymous]

I hated high school so much I worked to graduate two years early at 16. Back then I didn't know the GED existed, or I would have done it in a heartbeat. I probably would have done better college-wise if I had stayed for at least another year, but one no-name college gave me a scholarship. It turned out to be full of quirky people like me and I had a great experience. I went to an Ivy League grad school from there, am now over 40 and doing just fine. It can be done if your DD has the maturity to handle it.

[Anonymous]

What would she consider doing during her gap year?
This is the important question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your kid sounds smart, well thought out with a flair for some emotional drama. If you try to fit a smart kid into a normal bucket and measure them against regular standards, they will suffer. Most suffer in silence. Your child is at least bringing this to your attention.

None of us on the board can make an accurate assessment of your child though many PP's have suggested good questions. That's your responsibility as a parent.

This can't be the first time your child has mentioned their dissatisfaction with school. What did you say those other times? Did you formulate a plan with your spouse on how to address this? It sounds as if you and your spouse did not come up with a plan so your smart child came up with a plan on their own.

Help your child think through the consequences and if you and your spouse are ill equipped to come up with a plan, brainstorm a solution with your child and see if there is something that you all can agree on.

Honestly, a lot of these issues were a slow burn. Year one was difficult, but we attributed to adjusting and she always agreed with this. Year two was more of the same and I think something just snapped over Christmas break and she just pulled back. We started therapy during year one of TJ and honestly thought she was getting tools to manage the stress.

I think there's a lot of thinking to do. I definitely think we all need to get some research in place. When I had a call with the guidance counselor, I didn't get nearly as much in terms of ideas (her response: well, leave TJ, then and go back to the base or just get the GED. It's really your call). I appreciate everyone giving me some ideas to think through.

And yes, DD has a flair for drama and has struggled in structured environments. Oddly, she'd probably be a better fit for HB Woodlawn than TJ in hindsight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Just wondering how the child appeared for the SAT?. Did she register for the test on her own, drove to the test site, prepared for the test etc.. all without your help or knowledge all along??

Or is it the case that you were OK with the plan for some time and now second guessing yourself and seeking help on this forum to validate your plan?

OP here. Honestly, she did the entire thing on her own. Walked to the base high school and took the test. Apparently, she did a few sample tests, realized she could handle this on her own and used her own money to sign up for the test. I wasn't even in the loop until she sat me down with this crazy idea.

The issue is definitely burn out. She's tired and I completely get it. She's in therapy to manage this and over the course of this year basically pulled out of school completely. She goes to school, studies tons, and then basically spaces out watching E! or reading for fun/writing in her journal. She has some friends but doesn't feel a strong connection to anyone. She's close to her siblings (one older and one younger).

She just kept saying that she's can't imagine another two years of high school and doesn't see the point. She hates the rigidity, she wants the flexibility to learn at her own pace and learn "out in the world instead of yet another concrete classroom."

I have been researching a lot of the online options. One thing I am running into is trying to take TJ's weird courses and have them apply to other school's requirements. It's going to take a bit of doing. I am also looking into the year abroad option. I am hoping to find something that isn't DD getting a GED and working retail for a year while she's applying to colleges.

I would not do boarding school or study abroad since she is close to her siblings and it would be harder to monitor her wellbeing.

[Anonymous]

Are you (or a spouse?) able to telecommute? Could you afford to rent a place by a beach for the summer? Some conspiracy communities have strict rules about rental minimums like one or even three months. This would provide a quiet environment, away from partying young people and family reunions.

Let her spend the summer chilling out and revisit her options in August. She’s young, and things can change so quickly. Maybe if she had a true, refreshing break, she’d feel differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your kid sounds smart, well thought out with a flair for some emotional drama. If you try to fit a smart kid into a normal bucket and measure them against regular standards, they will suffer. Most suffer in silence. Your child is at least bringing this to your attention.

None of us on the board can make an accurate assessment of your child though many PP's have suggested good questions. That's your responsibility as a parent.

This can't be the first time your child has mentioned their dissatisfaction with school. What did you say those other times? Did you formulate a plan with your spouse on how to address this? It sounds as if you and your spouse did not come up with a plan so your smart child came up with a plan on their own.

Help your child think through the consequences and if you and your spouse are ill equipped to come up with a plan, brainstorm a solution with your child and see if there is something that you all can agree on.

Honestly, a lot of these issues were a slow burn. Year one was difficult, but we attributed to adjusting and she always agreed with this. Year two was more of the same and I think something just snapped over Christmas break and she just pulled back. We started therapy during year one of TJ and honestly thought she was getting tools to manage the stress.

I think there's a lot of thinking to do. I definitely think we all need to get some research in place. When I had a call with the guidance counselor, I didn't get nearly as much in terms of ideas (her response: well, leave TJ, then and go back to the base or just get the GED. It's really your call). I appreciate everyone giving me some ideas to think through.

And yes, DD has a flair for drama and has struggled in structured environments. Oddly, she'd probably be a better fit for HB Woodlawn than TJ in hindsight.

why do you say "oddly"? It seems like maybe your daughter has been put in the "TJ or drop out" dichotomy due to that kind of thinking. Many great, brilliant, quirky kids go to their normal HS. give your daughter permission to take the middle route.

[Anonymous]

A private school suggestion -- Blyth Templeton Academy on Capital Hill. The school operates on a "block schedule" -- two classes per term, a term is 9 weeks, at the end of which you have two high school credits. The head of school, Lee Palmer, is very good at assisting / creating a plan that works -- e.g., take one class a term, or two terms with classes for credit, then travel to learn Spanish in central America, etc.

Quite inexpensive (by private school standards). About $5k per term, if you sign up for all 4 terms, about $16k for a full year.

Many of the students have come from public schools, burnt out with various symptoms (anxiety, eating disorder), but smart.

They will help structure a gap year / gap term, including setting up meaningful service projects to meet the SSL hour requirement.

[Anonymous]

I've known some teens who have done partial homeschool/partial classes at their base school. Maybe she'd consider something like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At student exchange program? Would she want to go international?

That sounds like a good option for junior year. Finish up senior year at TJ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am trying to wrap my head around how to respond to this. My kid is a sophomore at TJ. And she's not loved it this year. In fact, she's pretty much hates everything about school. She's keeping up with the work, but she is open that she's burned out, she's done trying to make school work, and she wants to take a break, focus on her mental health, and regroup before going to college.

She proposed leaving school at the end of this year. When I started talking about returning to the base school, she was like, uh, no. I want to get my GED and do a gap year and then apply to college.

She's serious about this. So much so she's taken the SAT in March and clocked a 1510. I am trying to figure out whether i should support this or whether this is a crazy idea that is going to prevent her from going to college.

OP - look at transitioning to early college like bard college at simons rock - your child can complete high school and transition to college while still choosing the best pace and academic path forward - for high functioning equilibrium this is better than fed+wait out school

My best friend in high school graduated early from high school using the alternative high school instead of the regular magnet program we were in and still ended up being admitted to 2 top ivys etc... - he is now a prof at an ivy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, You do not want to allow an environment where she is more of an outliner. Do not home school. That makes it even harder to find friends, feel connected, be happy. I was the one who suggested Youth for Understanding because, even though it's a drastically different environment, it offers her a community. Do not home school. Do not remove her from her peers. That is very unhealthy. If she remains at TJ/ or base school, I would concentrate on getting her invested in something other than academics -- sports team, drama, some type of group activity, and in order to make the transition, let this be a primary focus for her instead of academics, at least until she finds a peer community she cares about.

I agree with this. Also, I think it's a mental health issue more than anything else, and that needs to be addressed.