Child seems so tired of school & the admissions process...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a kid, junior year was the killer year and senior year was almost like a year off. You could ease up on your schedule and enjoy that last year - senior trip, senior skip day, prom. We all had senior slump but who cared?

Now kids have a boatload of AP exams to prepare for senior year. Senior year is the culmination of rigor across the board in all academic subjects. Their minds drift.....Senioritis is for real.

But if your new college doesn't accept your AP, then most seniors don't bother even taking the test - or at least study too hard for it.

AP's are such a money making scam

You've gone a semester or an entire year in a class. Might as well take the AP exam...

You would be surprised how many don't. Why bother? You aren't getting college credit for it and are already in the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a kid, junior year was the killer year and senior year was almost like a year off. You could ease up on your schedule and enjoy that last year - senior trip, senior skip day, prom. We all had senior slump but who cared?

Now kids have a boatload of AP exams to prepare for senior year. Senior year is the culmination of rigor across the board in all academic subjects. Their minds drift.....Senioritis is for real.

But if your new college doesn't accept your AP, then most seniors don't bother even taking the test - or at least study too hard for it.

AP's are such a money making scam

You've gone a semester or an entire year in a class. Might as well take the AP exam...

Because it costs like $100 a test and some kids take 5 of them senior year. That is a lot of money to non DCUM people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Psychologist perspective here:
I think many parents remember college in really positive ways and can't believe their kids aren't more excited at its onset, but it is a huge transition and a time of stress due to that change. Parents may smooth over the rough parts of college in their memories.
Students know they are supposed to be all excited etc. but it's intimidating to be making such a big change. I don't know if it's as much anything particular about "the system" and stress as it is a rather natural process to be unnerved about entering a new developmental phase of life.
Also, I think some kids harbor fantasies about transforming themselves in college and making a new impression when they arrive. If they go to admitted students days while they are still "themselves" in full high school mode they pop that fantasy a bit. It's easier to think "I need to stay focused on school" and "I'm tired of hearing about college" than to delve into their sources of anxiety.
My advice to parents in OPs position would be to follow your child's lead, don't chastise them (implicitly or explicitly) for feeling in ways that don't align with your expectations (instead focus more deeply on why you hold certain expectations and whether they are problematic), but remind them of --and hold them accountable--to their responsibilities--which are to continue succeeding in school and to prepare for college. Thus, pose admitted students day as their responsibility to assess their school rather than as a "fun" thing or as a reward for their work. (Then when they likely find it fun, they will be pleasantly surprised and feel more competent and ready. And if they don't find it fully fun, they won't feel like a loser--rather that they did the responsible thing of assessing a potential school and had mixed feelings about it).

Next up: The first semester/year of college is often marked by a lot of loneliness and anxiety. That our society puts college as a huge prize and the 'best days of life' only makes kids feel more like losers when it isn't immediately the case. Many colleges try to help with this transition, but it is a vulnerable time. Parents can help by empathizing with the stress--perhaps delving back more genuinely to the difficult parts of your own life transitions--and remember how and why things got better. It can be hard when college costs so much, but growth by definition shouldn't be free of stress.

Thanks for an interesting post to think about.

[Anonymous]

OP, we have the same thing going on in our house. DD got into her two dream schools and she is now torturing herself about not wanting to make the wrong decision. I am sad that she is not enjoying her last semester and being happy that she got in. She is also stressed about grades, AP exams and filling out scholarship applications to help pay for school. We are trying to back off but hate that she is internalizing it all and not letting us help her process this big decision, which won't seem so big 10 years from now. Oh well, such his parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Psychologist perspective here:
I think many parents remember college in really positive ways and can't believe their kids aren't more excited at its onset, but it is a huge transition and a time of stress due to that change. Parents may smooth over the rough parts of college in their memories.
Students know they are supposed to be all excited etc. but it's intimidating to be making such a big change. I don't know if it's as much anything particular about "the system" and stress as it is a rather natural process to be unnerved about entering a new developmental phase of life.
Also, I think some kids harbor fantasies about transforming themselves in college and making a new impression when they arrive. If they go to admitted students days while they are still "themselves" in full high school mode they pop that fantasy a bit. It's easier to think "I need to stay focused on school" and "I'm tired of hearing about college" than to delve into their sources of anxiety.
My advice to parents in OPs position would be to follow your child's lead, don't chastise them (implicitly or explicitly) for feeling in ways that don't align with your expectations (instead focus more deeply on why you hold certain expectations and whether they are problematic), but remind them of --and hold them accountable--to their responsibilities--which are to continue succeeding in school and to prepare for college. Thus, pose admitted students day as their responsibility to assess their school rather than as a "fun" thing or as a reward for their work. (Then when they likely find it fun, they will be pleasantly surprised and feel more competent and ready. And if they don't find it fully fun, they won't feel like a loser--rather that they did the responsible thing of assessing a potential school and had mixed feelings about it).

Next up: The first semester/year of college is often marked by a lot of loneliness and anxiety. That our society puts college as a huge prize and the 'best days of life' only makes kids feel more like losers when it isn't immediately the case. Many colleges try to help with this transition, but it is a vulnerable time. Parents can help by empathizing with the stress--perhaps delving back more genuinely to the difficult parts of your own life transitions--and remember how and why things got better. It can be hard when college costs so much, but growth by definition shouldn't be free of stress.

Thanks for an interesting post to think about.

First timers ---First semester blues tend to show up after the initial excitement of the 1st month. Kids are no longer rushing around, being friendly to all, trying to find their group. And may be they didn't get all the courses they wanted, roommate adjustments, etc...Often times we would hear of the issues when they are long past. Care packages from home were very welcome that year along with a well-stocked medicine box (they get sick a lot in the dorms). I didn't feel guilty at all to do some remote pampering that transition year nor did it harm DC's growth to full independence. Everyone could use some extra love from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pressuring him a bit to attend the Admitted Students Days, just to help him form some strong preference. But he seems burnt out on it all.

Don't get me wrong, he has done well...but the decision will be hard, especially with those stupid AP classes still breathing down his neck.

I wish this was an exciting, happy time...but these kids just seem fried from all of it.

If the colleges he is choosing between dont give actual credit for the APs then dont bother with them.

[Anonymous]

Poster who was seeking advice here - 9:53 and 10:31 (and others as well) thank you! That is all helpful info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pressuring him a bit to attend the Admitted Students Days, just to help him form some strong preference. But he seems burnt out on it all.

Don't get me wrong, he has done well...but the decision will be hard, especially with those stupid AP classes still breathing down his neck.

I wish this was an exciting, happy time...but these kids just seem fried from all of it.

If the colleges he is choosing between dont give actual credit for the APs then dont bother with them.

I disagree with this 100%. I've known so many kids who skip classes because of their AP credits and then fail the following classes. AP classes may make a class easier, but they are not a substitute for classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pressuring him a bit to attend the Admitted Students Days, just to help him form some strong preference. But he seems burnt out on it all.

Don't get me wrong, he has done well...but the decision will be hard, especially with those stupid AP classes still breathing down his neck.

I wish this was an exciting, happy time...but these kids just seem fried from all of it.

If the colleges he is choosing between dont give actual credit for the APs then dont bother with them.

I disagree with this 100%. I've known so many kids who skip classes because of their AP credits and then fail the following classes. AP classes may make a class easier, but they are not a substitute for classes.

I think the PP is saying don’t bother taking the test if they don’t give credit.

But yes, many kids end up withdrawing from skipped classes they thought they could skip based on AP credits. Then they retake the same class they worked their butt off for and paid $75 to take a test in the Spring. It happens so much.

[Anonymous]

Or the middle ground of forget studying, take the tests and see how it goes. DC did well enough that it waived some general required classes e.g. language that there were no plans to pursue further, freeing up schedule room.

[Anonymous]

As a parent of a sophomore, I am getting stressed and tired just reading this thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a sophomore, I am getting stressed and tired just reading this thread!

Yeah, I wish I had read it back then.

Between picking a college, arranging his senior experience, finding a job and god knows what else, it has been brutal.

I hope his grades don't drop too much....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a sophomore, I am getting stressed and tired just reading this thread!

Yeah, I wish I had read it back then.

Between picking a college, arranging his senior experience, finding a job and god knows what else, it has been brutal.

I hope his grades don't drop too much....

What does "arranging his senior experience" mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you. The schools are mostly privates, 3-7 hours away. So, it means more money on hotels and missing class (for him) and work (for me). I agree that more "data" at this point though (especially overnights) are valuable bases for his decision.

I think it is hard for my DC to let go of caring about grades so much. But, I am trying to explain (without adding pressure) that his future academic home is more important at this point than high school classes. I am trying to emphasize that we are in an enviable position: schools want to wine and dine him now, in hopes of gaining his acceptance. I am trying to frame this part of the process as an acknowledgement of his hard work and strong individual characteristics.

I wish my kid had these problems. He's never seemed to care about his grades that much. Consequently no school is wining and dining him, so you're lucky! On the other hand, my DS isn't stressed and tried, lol. Although he still has to decide what school he wants to go to.

Honestly - good for him. He will get into a school and will be fine. Where you go to college does not matter. Some of these kids have no social life for 4 straight years over studying, over stressing, under sleeping, and extremely unhappy inside. Then they get into their dream school and realize most of the other kids there are so much smarter without all the work. Then the stress, all-nighters, no social life continues.

My main recommendation to my child? Go to a college where you can have a balanced healthy fun life while being able to get good grades. Live a little. You will never get these years back and they are priceless.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Raise your hand if your senior is tired & stressed...

My junior sure is and it sucks. I almost wish all colleges demanded a gap year or community college. All you hear is that the kids are depressed, anxious, struggle on their own, have no common sense, adult critical thinking skills etc... once they start college - compared to years before. Everyone is so caught up in gpa, test scores, and the perfect blend of EC’s that they are forgetting to raise these kids to be happy independent adults. It is lost.

AGREE!!!

I agree somewhat. But at lot of these pressures are filtering down from the college level because admissions compares students at schools and puts a high value on "taking the most strenuous schedule available" or "highest level of classes" or wording to that effect. I've heard it first hand at information sessions. They really need to limit APs if they want students arriving as better developed people and less burned out. A recent study (I know, I know) showed about 5 AP classes are great to show ability to perform at the college level but beyond that, no big difference in college ability or drop-out rates. Makes sense to me. Limit APs and let the kids have their high school years back.

COMPLETELY agree. I so wish there was a limit on AP classes. Five would be perfect.