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College and University Discussion
Reply to "Child seems so tired of school & the admissions process..."
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] Psychologist perspective here: I think many parents remember college in really positive ways and can't believe their kids aren't more excited at its onset, but it is a huge transition and a time of stress due to that change. Parents may smooth over the rough parts of college in their memories. Students know they are supposed to be all excited etc. but it's intimidating to be making such a big change. I don't know if it's as much anything particular about "the system" and stress as it is a rather natural process to be unnerved about entering a new developmental phase of life. Also, I think some kids harbor fantasies about transforming themselves in college and making a new impression when they arrive. If they go to admitted students days while they are still "themselves" in full high school mode they pop that fantasy a bit. It's easier to think "I need to stay focused on school" and "I'm tired of hearing about college" than to delve into their sources of anxiety. My advice to parents in OPs position would be to follow your child's lead, don't chastise them (implicitly or explicitly) for feeling in ways that don't align with your expectations (instead focus more deeply on why you hold certain expectations and whether they are problematic), but remind them of --and hold them accountable--to their responsibilities--which are to continue succeeding in school and to prepare for college. Thus, pose admitted students day as their responsibility to assess their school rather than as a "fun" thing or as a reward for their work. (Then when they likely find it fun, they will be pleasantly surprised and feel more competent and ready. And if they don't find it fully fun, they won't feel like a loser--rather that they did the responsible thing of assessing a potential school and had mixed feelings about it). Next up: The first semester/year of college is often marked by a lot of loneliness and anxiety. That our society puts college as a huge prize and the 'best days of life' only makes kids feel more like losers when it isn't immediately the case. Many colleges try to help with this transition, but it is a vulnerable time. Parents can help by empathizing with the stress--perhaps delving back more genuinely to the difficult parts of your own life transitions--and remember how and why things got better. It can be hard when college costs so much, but growth by definition shouldn't be free of stress.[/quote] Thanks for an interesting post to think about. [/quote] First timers ---First semester blues tend to show up after the initial excitement of the 1st month. Kids are no longer rushing around, being friendly to all, trying to find their group. And may be they didn't get all the courses they wanted, roommate adjustments, etc...Often times we would hear of the issues when they are long past. Care packages from home were very welcome that year along with a well-stocked medicine box (they get sick a lot in the dorms). I didn't feel guilty at all to do some remote pampering that transition year nor did it harm DC's growth to full independence. Everyone could use some extra love from time to time.[/quote]
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