I think DH is hiding money but I can't figure out how

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know what my spouse makes and I and I see what's deposited into the checking account but the numbers don't jive. I'm pretty financially illiterate but I don't think this is the difference between taxes, etc. I've straight out asked him and he brushes my concerns off. How to proceed?

Where is your money?

[Anonymous]

OP are you a spender? Bad with money? Why the concern now? This might just be the liquid amount he wants your family to live on. The rest would be retirement accounts, other financial investments. It would be weird to hide that from a spouse- unless there's a reason he sees himself as better with money and you as a person who will burn through it.

Is there a reason you would wait so long to say "hold on... you make $500G-- where does it go?" Because its a red flag for me that you are so bad with finances that you are JUST now realizing something doesn't add up. That could be a symptom of why he doesn't involve you, right?

[Anonymous]

OP: you need a therapist more than an accountant. A friend's SAH-wife left him, because she wanted to spend more than he made. She was so financially illiterate that she thought since he made $140,000 almost all of that came home. She figured he could spend his half of the paycheck on household bills, and she could spend her half of the paycheck on what other wives seemed to spend on: clothes, jewelry, spa days, pedicures, hair appointments, vacations (without husband of course) and restaurant meals.

But the fact is, if you are a federal employee, you are lucky if half comes home after FERS, TSP, FELGI, HSA, HMO, Dental Plan, Vision Plan, CFC, etc. His mortgage + utilities were $48,000 a year. Throw in groceries, two cars, gas, parking, a two-week summer vacation, and there wasn't much left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, that's about what we take home, and our salaries combined are 275k. And from that we take out health insurance, max retirement x 2, medical and health care FSA (7500).

So, uh. yeah. that's not adding up. the question is, how are you going to handle it? Do you think he's planning to divorce you?

I agree. I make 265 and take home 11,000.

That's about right, I make $252 and take home $10,400. I should be withholding more though, taxes are going up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I've been in denial and I'm almost afraid to know the truth. We've been dealing with crisis after crisis for the last 5 year - parents dying, cancer, job transfers, international moves and so on.
Salary is 535k plus bonuses (tech industry) and monthly direct deposit is $11k. Can insurance and 401k make that big of an impact?

Holy crap. My salary is $201k and my monthly take home is just over 10.

[Anonymous]

^^ I should add it’s only that high because my husband lost his job and I temporarily had to cut back on retirement savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: you need a therapist more than an accountant. A friend's SAH-wife left him, because she wanted to spend more than he made. She was so financially illiterate that she thought since he made $140,000 almost all of that came home. She figured he could spend his half of the paycheck on household bills, and she could spend her half of the paycheck on what other wives seemed to spend on: clothes, jewelry, spa days, pedicures, hair appointments, vacations (without husband of course) and restaurant meals.

But the fact is, if you are a federal employee, you are lucky if half comes home after FERS, TSP, FELGI, HSA, HMO, Dental Plan, Vision Plan, CFC, etc. His mortgage + utilities were $48,000 a year. Throw in groceries, two cars, gas, parking, a two-week summer vacation, and there wasn't much left.

This isn’t relevant to OP.

OP, how long have you been married and are you even signing the tax returns annually or is he doing that on your behalf as well?