Talking in front of you

[Anonymous]

Huh? A 'scratchy throat' and stubbed your toe the night before?

You are seriously precious, OP.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm different than you in that I would put something else on for now or I would have opened the door and called out to DH "have you seen my thermals?"

I can understand being in a bad mood/annoyed at work/pissed you hurt your toe but nothing replaces clear communication. When you get upstairs why wouldn't you say "what's the plan today?" I think you wanted to be pissed and feel excluded. Don't do that to these people. They sensed your black cloud.

Several times you use the word 'frantic' to describe your desperate search for your thermals. I don't get that. Why frantic? Again, if you sensed the others were moving without you, why wouldn't you haul ass and ask what/when was the plan?

I've been on trips with people like you and I steer clear of interactions so that I can enjoy my trip.

[Anonymous]

So, did you ask the night before what the schedule was? From your DH or anyone? If you went to bed the night before without finding out the schedule for the next day and then missed the boat because you were late and Mr. Murphy made your morning worse, then you don't get upset at everyone else. You take responsibility for not checking what time things were going down and being ready. In addition to checking what time everyone was starting, you also could have checked your gear the night before to make sure you knew where it all was. It only takes about 2 minutes to ask what time and to do a quick check that your gear is all there, and doing it the night before guarantees that when something has been moved, that you find it then instead of when everyone is waiting for you. Waiting until you are getting ready to leave to try and find things on the first day of a trip is just asking for trouble.

By getting upset enough at your husband that others noticed enough to ask him aside about your fight suggests that you made a big deal about it and the others were not comfortable talking to you about it. You need to own up that you were at fault for not checking the start time and being ready on time. You definitely don't blame others for not hanging around waiting for you to get ready because you didn't know what time they wanted to leave. And you don't hold them responsible for stubbing your toe and whatever else made you grumpy. If this is your reaction after getting back and to the other PPs who responded, then I can see why the others on the trip asked your husband aside what was wrong rather than talked to you. You've made a mountain out of a molehill and are aggressively answering PPs even after getting back supposedly after having time to cool off. I can't imagine what your emotional response was like while you were actually on the trip.

[Anonymous]

Why couldn't you ask your husband where the helmet and thermals and whatever else you couldn't find were? I'm missing that part. You say he moved them, when they weren't where you thought they'd be why couldn't you ask him if he knew where they were?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're not as subtle as you think you are, and other people found you unapproachable in your pique.

Agree. And if you were two feet away when they asked him, they were letting you know they were uncomfortable with how you dealt with things and were open to his side of things. I'd check myself and choose not to be hurt.

How do you choose not to be hurt? They clearly made a plan without me, which was hurtful. In fact, I was going to take ski lessons, but DH suggested that I take them here so we could all ski together on our trip.

Its normal to be upset when you feel left out, there is nothing wrong with you, it was wrong of your DH to invite you to come along so everyone could ski together just to leave you out because heaven forbid they have to wait a few minutes. It was also wrong of him to leave you out of breakfast. OP in case you have not noticed this is not the best forum to come looking for empathy or understanding.

It's not normal for an adult to be so upset over such small things that she destroys the vibe of a group vacation on Day One. OP needs some kind of CBT, not to just keep calling herself "go with the flow" and attacking people who don't perceive her as a victim.

Feeling left out may not be something you would get upset over but for her it really upset her and thats okay, to you it would have obviously been more normal for her to walk on egg shells and not make her feelings known. I however am one for communication, sounds like both her and her hubby need to work on their communication skills, I agree that this is however not something I would hold a grudge about I would have a talk with DH about it and then let it go. I don't see how you figure she is attacking anyone that does not agree with her , I see people on this forum attacking her for sharing that she was hurt ,sound like a bunch of narcissists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why couldn't you ask your husband where the helmet and thermals and whatever else you couldn't find were? I'm missing that part. You say he moved them, when they weren't where you thought they'd be why couldn't you ask him if he knew where they were?

Because at home he usually can't find his own things that are right in front of him, so I don't feel I can count on him to help me with anything, much less find anything of mine. Agree with PP, we have major communication issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why couldn't you ask your husband where the helmet and thermals and whatever else you couldn't find were? I'm missing that part. You say he moved them, when they weren't where you thought they'd be why couldn't you ask him if he knew where they were?

Because at home he usually can't find his own things that are right in front of him, so I don't feel I can count on him to help me with anything, much less find anything of mine. Agree with PP, we have major communication issues.

Yes, best to spend resentful and stew/ sulk about your communication issues in a public setting than just ask like a grown up.

Let me guess, this trip was a group of “his” friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're not as subtle as you think you are, and other people found you unapproachable in your pique.

Agree. And if you were two feet away when they asked him, they were letting you know they were uncomfortable with how you dealt with things and were open to his side of things. I'd check myself and choose not to be hurt.

How do you choose not to be hurt? They clearly made a plan without me, which was hurtful. In fact, I was going to take ski lessons, but DH suggested that I take them here so we could all ski together on our trip.

Its normal to be upset when you feel left out, there is nothing wrong with you, it was wrong of your DH to invite you to come along so everyone could ski together just to leave you out because heaven forbid they have to wait a few minutes. It was also wrong of him to leave you out of breakfast. OP in case you have not noticed this is not the best forum to come looking for empathy or understanding.

It's not normal for an adult to be so upset over such small things that she destroys the vibe of a group vacation on Day One. OP needs some kind of CBT, not to just keep calling herself "go with the flow" and attacking people who don't perceive her as a victim.

Feeling left out may not be something you would get upset over but for her it really upset her and thats okay, to you it would have obviously been more normal for her to walk on egg shells and not make her feelings known. I however am one for communication, sounds like both her and her hubby need to work on their communication skills, I agree that this is however not something I would hold a grudge about I would have a talk with DH about it and then let it go. I don't see how you figure she is attacking anyone that does not agree with her , I see people on this forum attacking her for sharing that she was hurt ,sound like a bunch of narcissists.

This has to be sock puppeting, right? Feeling upset is fine, externalizing it to everyone around you is not. It's your job to handle your own emotions, and the fact that OP is being so dramatic over such tiny things is a sign she's not a fully emotionally developed adult. You can't ruin 5 people's vacation because you stubbed your toe last night. Grow TF up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Morning, everyone. Wow, the jet lag is really kicking my butt and I'm totally out of sync. Sorry to be running behind, I just can't seem to find any of my gear."

*helps self to remaining communal breakfast*

"Oooh, these are good. I think I'll make some more for myself -- does anyone else need seconds?"

*cracks egg(s) into bowl, adds milk, S&P, applies fork to whisk*

"So what's the plan for this morning? What time do you all want to leave?"

*is told a time in the immediate future*

"Crap, then I need to get in the shower. Husband, would you mind taking over at the stove while I get ready? And do you know where my thermals and helmet may have wandered off to?"

*appears back in kitchen fully dressed, scarfs down remaining eggs as others pack car. throws plate in dishwasher and carries out remaining stuff.*

"Thanks for waiting, guys. I'm really looking forward to this! Sorry to be a slowpoke this morning; the first apres beers are on Husband and me. Speaking of which, I need to stop by the ski shop to get my bindings adjusted. You all go ahead and I'll catch up with you in a couple of runs."

- fin -

I wish I could be like you, PP. Please tell me your secret.

She just did, sweetie. Please go back and read her post. Honestly, your snark in your response is a pretty good indicator of why the others in the ski party were avoiding you and talking around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why couldn't you ask your husband where the helmet and thermals and whatever else you couldn't find were? I'm missing that part. You say he moved them, when they weren't where you thought they'd be why couldn't you ask him if he knew where they were?

+1 Unfortunately, though, I think the answer is because OP thinks the world is conspiring against her. It is an unfortunate perspective to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s what happened. Went skiing out west with DH, another couple (one person is my cousin) and two other people (not married).

The men must have talked about leaving at a specific time in the morning to ski, but I was not part of that conversation.

When I woke up on first day of skiing, I had a scratchy throat, and had stubbed my toe on DH’s board bag the night before. Looked in DH’s board bag for my thermals and couldn’t find them, so got a little frantic (it was in the teens). Went upstairs and DH had made eggs, but everyone had eaten all of them except left a tiny bite for me. I gave the tiny bite to DH to finish off, then made my own eggs.

Meanwhile everyone has eaten, so they get ready to go. I’m still finishing my eggs. The men wait outside for my DH to go, but at that point, I didn’t ask them to wait, since they clearly had talked about a time, and I wasn’t part of that convo. So they leave and my cousin waits for me.

After I finish eggs, I go back to room and find my thermals on the bed. DH had moved them there. I change, look for my helmet and goggles, can’t find them so go out without them, try to put rented skis on but bindings are too tight, plus hurts with stubbed toe, so give up. Thought about driving back down to ski shop to get bindings loosened, but an hour later, it starts snowing quite hard so don’t feel comfortable driving someone else’s rental.

When the men return, DH asks about helmet - tell me it was in his backpack, which I didn’t know to look into. Other than that short convo, I didn’t say anything else or snap at anyone, including DH. Honestly I felt excluded from the beginning of that morning when the men clearly had talked about a plan and waited on each other, but not me.

And I’m usually not a person that keeps others waiting - in this case, I just couldn’t find my thermals and it turns out DH had taken them out of the bag and moved them without telling me, so I felt frantic as soon as I woke up. Yes, I was cold and irritated, but I certainly wasn’t raging such that others would think it’s okay to talk about me like that. But yes, you’re right that others didn’t know DH had moved my stuff, which made me a little frantic, so they must have assumed I was unreasonably late and upset for no reason.

Here's what happened:
My shit was moved
These fools ate all the damn food and I had to cook my own
THEN, THEN these motherf******** didn't even wait for me
So yea I was pissy AF all morning
And then they wanted to ask DH what the f*** my issue was
And the issue was that you were funky as hell all morning. The Lawd may have kept your mouth closed,but he didn't bother fixing your face.
I know this because that would have been me, except I would have recognized it and would not have turnt up just because someone ask.
Move on with your life, a mood is not cause for an international incident. Don't turn a mood into a "thing"

You made me laugh out loud! Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Morning, everyone. Wow, the jet lag is really kicking my butt and I'm totally out of sync. Sorry to be running behind, I just can't seem to find any of my gear."

*helps self to remaining communal breakfast*

"Oooh, these are good. I think I'll make some more for myself -- does anyone else need seconds?"

*cracks egg(s) into bowl, adds milk, S&P, applies fork to whisk*

"So what's the plan for this morning? What time do you all want to leave?"

*is told a time in the immediate future*

"Crap, then I need to get in the shower. Husband, would you mind taking over at the stove while I get ready? And do you know where my thermals and helmet may have wandered off to?"

*appears back in kitchen fully dressed, scarfs down remaining eggs as others pack car. throws plate in dishwasher and carries out remaining stuff.*

"Thanks for waiting, guys. I'm really looking forward to this! Sorry to be a slowpoke this morning; the first apres beers are on Husband and me. Speaking of which, I need to stop by the ski shop to get my bindings adjusted. You all go ahead and I'll catch up with you in a couple of runs."

- fin -

I wish I could be like you, PP. Please tell me your secret.

She just did, sweetie. Please go back and read her post. Honestly, your snark in your response is a pretty good indicator of why the others in the ski party were avoiding you and talking around you.

That was a genuine response, not snark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Morning, everyone. Wow, the jet lag is really kicking my butt and I'm totally out of sync. Sorry to be running behind, I just can't seem to find any of my gear."

*helps self to remaining communal breakfast*

"Oooh, these are good. I think I'll make some more for myself -- does anyone else need seconds?"

*cracks egg(s) into bowl, adds milk, S&P, applies fork to whisk*

"So what's the plan for this morning? What time do you all want to leave?"

*is told a time in the immediate future*

"Crap, then I need to get in the shower. Husband, would you mind taking over at the stove while I get ready? And do you know where my thermals and helmet may have wandered off to?"

*appears back in kitchen fully dressed, scarfs down remaining eggs as others pack car. throws plate in dishwasher and carries out remaining stuff.*

"Thanks for waiting, guys. I'm really looking forward to this! Sorry to be a slowpoke this morning; the first apres beers are on Husband and me. Speaking of which, I need to stop by the ski shop to get my bindings adjusted. You all go ahead and I'll catch up with you in a couple of runs."

- fin -

I wish I could be like you, PP. Please tell me your secret.

She just did, sweetie. Please go back and read her post. Honestly, your snark in your response is a pretty good indicator of why the others in the ski party were avoiding you and talking around you.

That was a genuine response, not snark.

Okay. So if you legitimately don't see the difference between the above post and your post then I think that you definitely have some reasons to be concerned. If you are already seeing a therapist, you might want to consider also working with a life coach on your social skills, namely how you present yourself to the world and then interact with the world. If you are not seeing a therapist then you might want to consider it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you brought all the drama here OP. You stubbed your toe he day before and woke up with a scratchy throat and this completely threw you off? Are you two?

No, it was the fact that I couldn't find my thermals in 10 degree weather, feeling behind that others were waiting outside and ready to go, was PMS'ing, and got slammed at work right before leaving for vacation. The last point was probably what threw me off the most.

You are obtusely missing the point throughout the whole thread. It was you. You were unpleasant and unwilling to see that. What do you want from us? You're no picnic here, I can't imagine having to be on this vacation with you.

Are you always put together and perfect? I always go with the flow, stand up when I see someone being taken advantage of, try to help and offer a hand, etc. I feel like I had one bad morning, and they all just turned on me.

You have described day one. How was the rest of the vacation?

Day Two: Woke up with a chipped nail, became frantic. Husband had left cap off toothpaste, which ruined the rest of the day because he wouldn't apologize. Friends ate all the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms, obviously out of spite.

[Anonymous]

So you were up before your husband yet he got ready AND made breakfast for and ate with all the friends while you were ransacking the room for your thermals? How big is this room? And you never asked him (presumably the only other person in the room) when you realized they weren’t where you packed them?