Husband's friends wife not friendly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So... you're trying to reach out to this woman independent of the group dates? Or she's shunning you during the group dates? If the latter, yeah, that sucks and she sucks. If the former... I wouldn't take it personally. If you get the vibe she's unfriendly or cold, then why do you want to be independent friends with her anyway? There's no contract that wives need to be independent friends with each other.

DP here. No, but she could be civil. I don't think OP is asking anything more. She obviously thinks that OP wants to be best friends, and has an inflated/deluded sense of self, which may be caused by terrible self esteem - but that is not OPs problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do know some women who are military spouses that just are closed off and very private because they're so used to moving all the time and don't prioritize making friends because they assume they'll move soon. I think the circumstances basically make it so people who take longer to make friends or are introverted have a hard time and sometimes they stop trying.

If this is the case, it isn't jealousy or any other personal reason.

+1

Is that why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH has a good friend whose wife is, uh, a difficult person. She sometimes fakes being nice to me and that's fine. In general, we are fine. But I don't trust her, I don't really like her and would never in a million years spend time with her or talk to her on my own (without our DHs).

My DH goes to lunch with his friend and sometimes gets a beer after work with him. Maybe twice a year we do something as a family with them. It's probably even less than that. It's fine. Not a huge issue at all.

+1

The personality just isn't there, OP. Maybe she has rich parents, and that is why he is with her

[Anonymous]

Who cares? Why do you want to be friends with someone so dull?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do know some women who are military spouses that just are closed off and very private because they're so used to moving all the time and don't prioritize making friends because they assume they'll move soon. I think the circumstances basically make it so people who take longer to make friends or are introverted have a hard time and sometimes they stop trying.

If this is the case, it isn't jealousy or any other personal reason.

+1

Is that why?

Could be...in this case we're all pretty much stuck with eachother given the community we're in so we will have to keep seeing each other regardless of where we are in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be polite and don't expect anything. Why doesn't your DH just hang out with his friend on his own?

We don't usually do separate things because we have limited time to spend with each other. Plus I like his friend too. There is nothing terribly wrong about his wife, it just hurts when it feels like she rejects my friendship. I'm not looking for a BFF, but just having a better connection to her would make things easier.

You sound needy. You and DH should start doing separate things. Not every weekend but sometimes.
I have my own friends. I have no interest in a friendship with DH’s friend’s wives. Sure, when we invite them over I am nice and chat but I would NOT be building a friendship there.

This.

I have a demanding career and young kids. I really don't have the luxury of time for new friendships. I'll be polite and friendly when I see you, but I won't gossip...and I'm not stupid enough to share personal info about me or my family that could potentially be shared with the other house fraus at school. When I see you at sporting events (where I spend my weekends), I'll say hello and quickly exchange small talk. But then I actually want to watch my kid play and chat with my husband and other children.

My husband is very social and friends with everybody. And that's great. But I'm more introverted and don't feel the need to chat all the time. That doesn't make me a weirdo or a bitch.

It’s hausfrau. And it’s not an insult. Just a German word. How dumb are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? Why do you want to be friends with someone so dull?

+1

Not to mention, if someone doesn't extend minimal courtesies - aren't they more like a petulant child: "but I don't WANT to! WAAAAHHHHH!" LOL. Who needs that? Really, all that is missing is the foot stomp and slamming door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do know some women who are military spouses that just are closed off and very private because they're so used to moving all the time and don't prioritize making friends because they assume they'll move soon. I think the circumstances basically make it so people who take longer to make friends or are introverted have a hard time and sometimes they stop trying.

If this is the case, it isn't jealousy or any other personal reason.

+1

Is that why?

Could be...in this case we're all pretty much stuck with eachother given the community we're in so we will have to keep seeing each other regardless of where we are in the world.

That sucks. Do you feel an obligation to reach out to each other? Do many military spouses have their own friends (out side of the military), or mostly just the husband's coworkers (whatever) spouse? From what I have seen, it's either neighbors, or military related, but anyone else is very much an "outsider" (unspoken, of course).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do know some women who are military spouses that just are closed off and very private because they're so used to moving all the time and don't prioritize making friends because they assume they'll move soon. I think the circumstances basically make it so people who take longer to make friends or are introverted have a hard time and sometimes they stop trying.

If this is the case, it isn't jealousy or any other personal reason.

+1

Is that why?

Could be...in this case we're all pretty much stuck with eachother given the community we're in so we will have to keep seeing each other regardless of where we are in the world.

Yes but it isn't like she's your neighbor. You see her pretty rarely due to your location versus hers. For someone who is an introvert that finds socializing "work," maybe it just isn't worth it to put in that work with someone she doesn't see often and won't see often in the future, mostly likely, just on an intermittent basis. Don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

My DH was roommates with a longtime friend awhile back. He started dating this girl he knew all through college. It was immediately apparent to us that, well to be blunt, she sucked. I think she must have some personality disorder or something. She systematically alienated all his friends and family over time and had some sort of vendetta against us, which we didn’t earn. I’m the biggest people-pleaser ever and she just couldn’t be bothered. I have tried time and again to understand why she was the way she was, but it just didn’t make sense. She was decent to some people and then didn’t even try to pretend she liked many others; it wasn’t just us. I could share specific details but I don’t want to out myself—the stories are notorious.

Anyway, they are no longer together. It’s the first divorce we have experienced among our various group of friends. She was so awful to us, I’m not even sad for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH was roommates with a longtime friend awhile back. He started dating this girl he knew all through college. It was immediately apparent to us that, well to be blunt, she sucked. I think she must have some personality disorder or something. She systematically alienated all his friends and family over time and had some sort of vendetta against us, which we didn’t earn. I’m the biggest people-pleaser ever and she just couldn’t be bothered. I have tried time and again to understand why she was the way she was, but it just didn’t make sense. She was decent to some people and then didn’t even try to pretend she liked many others; it wasn’t just us. I could share specific details but I don’t want to out myself—the stories are notorious.

Anyway, they are no longer together. It’s the first divorce we have experienced among our various group of friends. She was so awful to us, I’m not even sad for him.

Bet he is not sad, either! Now he will find someone with an actual grown-up personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do know some women who are military spouses that just are closed off and very private because they're so used to moving all the time and don't prioritize making friends because they assume they'll move soon. I think the circumstances basically make it so people who take longer to make friends or are introverted have a hard time and sometimes they stop trying.

If this is the case, it isn't jealousy or any other personal reason.

+1

Is that why?

Could be...in this case we're all pretty much stuck with eachother given the community we're in so we will have to keep seeing each other regardless of where we are in the world.

Yes but it isn't like she's your neighbor. You see her pretty rarely due to your location versus hers. For someone who is an introvert that finds socializing "work," maybe it just isn't worth it to put in that work with someone she doesn't see often and won't see often in the future, mostly likely, just on an intermittent basis. Don't take it personally.

Most adults would say that BECAUSE they don't see the person often (once or twice a year) - that is reason alone to act like a decent human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be polite and don't expect anything. Why doesn't your DH just hang out with his friend on his own?

We don't usually do separate things because we have limited time to spend with each other. Plus I like his friend too. There is nothing terribly wrong about his wife, it just hurts when it feels like she rejects my friendship. I'm not looking for a BFF, but just having a better connection to her would make things easier.

You sound needy. You and DH should start doing separate things. Not every weekend but sometimes.
I have my own friends. I have no interest in a friendship with DH’s friend’s wives. Sure, when we invite them over I am nice and chat but I would NOT be building a friendship there.

This.

I have a demanding career and young kids. I really don't have the luxury of time for new friendships. I'll be polite and friendly when I see you, but I won't gossip...and I'm not stupid enough to share personal info about me or my family that could potentially be shared with the other house fraus at school. When I see you at sporting events (where I spend my weekends), I'll say hello and quickly exchange small talk. But then I actually want to watch my kid play and chat with my husband and other children.

My husband is very social and friends with everybody. And that's great. But I'm more introverted and don't feel the need to chat all the time. That doesn't make me a weirdo or a bitch.

No, but the above definitely makes you a bitch.

Also, in the interest of actually...you know, staying relevant to the thread: in this situation, I think the (valid) concern when it comes to personal information would be that things shared with OP would be shared with OP's husband. I know I always feel cognizant of that when sharing with someone we are couple friends with, as opposed to my independent friend.

You obviously aren't surrounded by women who gossip. I am. I quickly learned my lesson, and now I don't share anything personal with any of the neighborhood moms or moms at school---even the ones who are married to my husband's friends. I'm sure this bothers some women, but I have no interest in sharing personal info with people who aren't my closest friends.

And men don't share personal info with other men. They just don't. But women most certainly do tell their husbands whatever they hear or think or observe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be polite and don't expect anything. Why doesn't your DH just hang out with his friend on his own?

We don't usually do separate things because we have limited time to spend with each other. Plus I like his friend too. There is nothing terribly wrong about his wife, it just hurts when it feels like she rejects my friendship. I'm not looking for a BFF, but just having a better connection to her would make things easier.

You sound needy. You and DH should start doing separate things. Not every weekend but sometimes.
I have my own friends. I have no interest in a friendship with DH’s friend’s wives. Sure, when we invite them over I am nice and chat but I would NOT be building a friendship there.

This.

I have a demanding career and young kids. I really don't have the luxury of time for new friendships. I'll be polite and friendly when I see you, but I won't gossip...and I'm not stupid enough to share personal info about me or my family that could potentially be shared with the other house fraus at school. When I see you at sporting events (where I spend my weekends), I'll say hello and quickly exchange small talk. But then I actually want to watch my kid play and chat with my husband and other children.

My husband is very social and friends with everybody. And that's great. But I'm more introverted and don't feel the need to chat all the time. That doesn't make me a weirdo or a bitch.

It’s hausfrau. And it’s not an insult. Just a German word. How dumb are you?

1. My phone autocorrected.
2. I didn't mean it as an insult. Like you said, it's merely a German word. Honestly, I started using it a million years ago because of Don Geronimo.
3. No clue why you're insulting me, but whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be polite and don't expect anything. Why doesn't your DH just hang out with his friend on his own?

We don't usually do separate things because we have limited time to spend with each other. Plus I like his friend too. There is nothing terribly wrong about his wife, it just hurts when it feels like she rejects my friendship. I'm not looking for a BFF, but just having a better connection to her would make things easier.

You sound needy. You and DH should start doing separate things. Not every weekend but sometimes.
I have my own friends. I have no interest in a friendship with DH’s friend’s wives. Sure, when we invite them over I am nice and chat but I would NOT be building a friendship there.

This.

I have a demanding career and young kids. I really don't have the luxury of time for new friendships. I'll be polite and friendly when I see you, but I won't gossip...and I'm not stupid enough to share personal info about me or my family that could potentially be shared with the other house fraus at school. When I see you at sporting events (where I spend my weekends), I'll say hello and quickly exchange small talk. But then I actually want to watch my kid play and chat with my husband and other children.

My husband is very social and friends with everybody. And that's great. But I'm more introverted and don't feel the need to chat all the time. That doesn't make me a weirdo or a bitch.

No, but the above definitely makes you a bitch.

Also, in the interest of actually...you know, staying relevant to the thread: in this situation, I think the (valid) concern when it comes to personal information would be that things shared with OP would be shared with OP's husband. I know I always feel cognizant of that when sharing with someone we are couple friends with, as opposed to my independent friend.

You obviously aren't surrounded by women who gossip. I am. I quickly learned my lesson, and now I don't share anything personal with any of the neighborhood moms or moms at school---even the ones who are married to my husband's friends. I'm sure this bothers some women, but I have no interest in sharing personal info with people who aren't my closest friends.

And men don't share personal info with other men. They just don't. But women most certainly do tell their husbands whatever they hear or think or observe.

DP here. There are other things to talk about, you know, but you seem hell bent on making a point by snubbing other women. Interesting.