Friend didn't invite me to baby shower

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say "Lol, pregnancy brain is so powerful isn't it?! Sorry to have missed your shower - looks beautiful. Can't wait to meet Baby Sophie and see you rocking being a mom!"

Grow up. People make mistakes. People need forgiveness. I like to always assume the best in people, ESPECIALLY those I'm close with. So assume it's an honest mistake, and be gracious.

So grown ups don't have feelings? Grown ups can't get their feelings hurt?

Remember your advice the next time you are feeling bad because of something someone important in your life says/does something that makes you upset. You are a grown up. You aren't entitled to feel, have feelings, or get hurt.

Yeah, but why consider ending a friendship over an invite to a baby shower that she didn't want to have anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say "Lol, pregnancy brain is so powerful isn't it?! Sorry to have missed your shower - looks beautiful. Can't wait to meet Baby Sophie and see you rocking being a mom!"

Grow up. People make mistakes. People need forgiveness. I like to always assume the best in people, ESPECIALLY those I'm close with. So assume it's an honest mistake, and be gracious.

Disagree. It sounds like the friend was doing CYA moves when she got called out. When you get burned a lot by people you are close with, not everyone can share your willingness to assume the best.

Is these two were really close there is ZERO excuse for OP not to be invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend wasn't invited to my shower. I sent the host the names and addresses, but USPS returned my best friend's as undelivered (address was correct). My friend was pissed about it. I realized she hadn't been invited two weeks before the shower and gave her my invitation and told her she was invited for sure! Best friend still didn't show up to the shower and was upset about it- didn't send a baby gift or mention it. I know this is stupid, but she's still upset and I haven't seen much of her in the 2 years that have passed. Thanks USPS!

The host did give me her invite that had been returned to her (like 3 months later). The address was correct.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my good friend didn't invite me to her baby shower. I saw a picture on fb from it and was surprised because she originally didn't want to have one. I am deeply hurt. I liked the picture and didn't comment. I got a text from her this evening say that she messed up and is so sorry she forgot to invite me and she doesn't know how that happened and that she was wondering where I was at the party and realized at the end that she didn't invite me. WTF?! I get pregnancy brain and all but really? I'm pretty hurt by this and haven't responded yet. WWYD? WWY say in response? Part of my wonders if I hadn't liked the picture would she have even reached out?

You're her best friend and she forgot to invite you?! If you believe this, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you.

You, obviously, are not her best friend!

[Anonymous]

It seems to me that if you were close friends the shower would’ve come up when you’ve been hanging out. I’ve talked to all my close friends about all my showers ahead of time. I’m Not sure what happened but I would be cautious. Do you have kids yet? If not, don’t worry. She will be busy with the baby and you can move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say "Lol, pregnancy brain is so powerful isn't it?! Sorry to have missed your shower - looks beautiful. Can't wait to meet Baby Sophie and see you rocking being a mom!"

Grow up. People make mistakes. People need forgiveness. I like to always assume the best in people, ESPECIALLY those I'm close with. So assume it's an honest mistake, and be gracious.

+1

[Anonymous]

I wasn't invited to a party and my feelings were hurt. My friend apologized, but she didn't make any excuses. She just said " I should have invited you and I didn't.
I'm sorry." I let it go because keeping her as a friend was more important to me than staying mad about being slighted. I never considered her a best friend, so not sure if I would have felt the same if we were closer.

[Anonymous]

It's highly unlikely she planned her own baby shower. Accept her apology and move on. Buy her baby a gift and carry on as usual. No need to be dramatic or lose a friendship over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Goodness, some of you are such bean counters. When a person reaches out to you with an sincere apology, if you can't accept that, then you were not nearly as good friends as you think you are. The people who are my "good friends" are honest and good and human. They make mistakes. They apologize and I believe them and accept their apology at their word. If I don't trust that person enough to accept an apology, then I would not call them a good friend, but an acquaintance.

My guess is that she didn't want a shower, then someone (another friend or a family member) insisted she have a shower and then threw one. Possibly the host made up the invitee list or your friend gave the host a list of people to invite and forgot to add your name to the list and didn't pay any attention after the list left her hand. That's an honest mistake. It happens often enough that it's credible to me.

I would express my happiness and congratulations and send a small gift for the baby either right away or just after the baby was born.

A text message after you liked the photo on FB isn’t exactly moving mountains to express regrets. A phone call would have been better. The reality is that people don’t like to confront difficult conversations with friends and no one will say “hey, now that x happened we are drifting apart or I’ve becone closer to Latla and could only invite 5 people”. That type of directness would seem cruel. So while you don’t go around assuming things have changed, picking up on social hints means you take being left off of an important event that either something has changed or you thought this was a closer friend than how they see you. The way you know the action wasn’t a hint but a mistake is someone is willing to call you and apologize for a start or they include you in the next thing or seem to want to make it up to you. Like let me take you to lunch, I am so sorry this happened.

Very well put! These are absolutely social hints, watch out for her next move OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's highly unlikely she planned her own baby shower. Accept her apology and move on. Buy her baby a gift and carry on as usual. No need to be dramatic or lose a friendship over it.

This is ridiculous advice. There is no need to get a gift to a party you were not invited to.

OP you can get her a gift after she has her baby and she lets you know about the arrival.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my good friend didn't invite me to her baby shower. I saw a picture on fb from it and was surprised because she originally didn't want to have one. I am deeply hurt. I liked the picture and didn't comment. I got a text from her this evening say that she messed up and is so sorry she forgot to invite me and she doesn't know how that happened and that she was wondering where I was at the party and realized at the end that she didn't invite me. WTF?! I get pregnancy brain and all but really? I'm pretty hurt by this and haven't responded yet. WWYD? WWY say in response? Part of my wonders if I hadn't liked the picture would she have even reached out?

If she missed you off the list accidentally, the time for the apology would have been right after the shower when she did not see you there.

[Anonymous]

Baby showers are dull anyway. I hated mine. Boring boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend wasn't invited to my shower. I sent the host the names and addresses, but USPS returned my best friend's as undelivered (address was correct). My friend was pissed about it. I realized she hadn't been invited two weeks before the shower and gave her my invitation and told her she was invited for sure! Best friend still didn't show up to the shower and was upset about it- didn't send a baby gift or mention it. I know this is stupid, but she's still upset and I haven't seen much of her in the 2 years that have passed. Thanks USPS!

The host did give me her invite that had been returned to her (like 3 months later). The address was correct.

Yes, what about RSVP’s? Did she not notice that her good friend hadn’t RSVP’d?
Nowadays everything is electronic, so nothing gets lost in the mail. There’s plenty of time to invitecthose you forgot too.
OP you’re not as good a friend to her as you thought. I’d cultivate new friendships and try to find real friends.

[Anonymous]

You "liking" her shower photo started this roller coaster of emotions. Personally, I wouldn't be insulted about missing a baby shower, but you obviously feel different. Either let it go, or not

[Anonymous]

OP, there are two ways this happened. 1) friend forgot, as she said, you forgive and move on or 2) you are not as close as you think. The answer will be evident sooner or later. Like you, I would reply graciously, but would also pull back a bit and leave the ball in her court and see how it goes.