Whitman HS Suicide

[Anonymous]

It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son goes to a private school but he tells me about kids who literally are shaking (9th grade) if they get an A- or B+. They talk about getting punished, privileges taken away etc. These are all perfectly smart kids and the parents are just plain wacko. My son is an A/B student, occasional C (language not his thing) and we are proud of him. He has some learning issues and to do that well in his school is an accomplishment. But he doesn't feel like it is and thinks he is "dumb" because of the SCHOOL not us. I don't think it would change if it were Whitman or similar. It is just this area. I say this as an A/B student in a Midwest public, who went to a great SLAS on full scholarship and did well in my career. People around here are totally nuts. The kids are really suffering and we refuse to change anything

+1 to the school - teachers and admin - being a major source of stress. I have an extremely bright DC who carries a 95 in an AP class with little to no effort. Teacher is always giving her shit about something - telling her he expects more of her because she is smart, and grinding her down if something isn't perfect, etc. DC thinks a 95 is fine and would rather spend the extra time on other interests. I make a point of NOT requiring perfection as I think that's a pretty dysfunctional standard to live by, and I'm not too happy DC is exposed to this kind of pressure by a teacher.

I shudder at the mean crap I hear teachers and admin say, the put-downs, especially to girls, and the ridiculous rules and punitive environment.

I'll repeat what's already being said. Speculating about blaming teachers is only marginally better than speculating about parents. The reality is that you know nothing about this situation.

Please spare these parents, and this school community the judgement. If you want to start a thread about your daughter's experience, please do that, and keep it separate from this tragedy.

My comments were not at all meant as a specific comment about the reason for this girl's suicide, if that's what the cause of death was. I agree that the community shouldn't speculate on that. I am also not commenting on the Whitman school community.

I am commenting on MY school community. I clearly see ways in which the school staff and administration behave that contributes to the problem of teen depression, anxiety and stress. I think it's important to speak publicly about suicide and the wide variety of pressures young people feel. We have to acknowledge that peer pressure, parent pressure and school/teacher/admin behaviour all create stresses that can lead kids to be depressed, anxious, abuse substances, and even contemplate or commit suicide.

I say that as a parent of a child with depression, as a family member in a family with a history of mental illness, and a person who has loved ones who contemplated or attempted suicide.

We have to talk about these stresses, how to manage them and that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

It is mental illness but that doesn’t mean there is t fault. My child is currently hospitalized because he is suicidal. Trigger is mostly school pressure. I went to the school once a week at least to try to get supports only to be told my son was fine. But he’s not and he may have been had he received some supports. It’s not the only thing but it was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. So yes sometimes there is blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

It is mental illness but that doesn’t mean there is t fault. My child is currently hospitalized because he is suicidal. Trigger is mostly school pressure. I went to the school once a week at least to try to get supports only to be told my son was fine. But he’s not and he may have been had he received some supports. It’s not the only thing but it was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. So yes sometimes there is blame.

Obviously lots of people failed this young woman however, most are not as lucky as your child is to have an attentive parent who checks in, checks around and is involved. Read all the posts here complaining about the things parents do... there is good reason for it. These parents probably tried. Posting this online isn't helping them nor supporting them. I don't get other kids doing memorials. Reach out to that kid eating alone. Reach out to the new kid. Don't wait till they die or do something drastic to get attention to care. Otherwise that isn't caring and about your needs not theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

It is mental illness but that doesn’t mean there is t fault. My child is currently hospitalized because he is suicidal. Trigger is mostly school pressure. I went to the school once a week at least to try to get supports only to be told my son was fine. But he’s not and he may have been had he received some supports. It’s not the only thing but it was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. So yes sometimes there is blame.

That doesn’t mean it’s the fault of the school. If your son can’t function in that school environment you have to find another environment for him.
It sounds like he needs a therapeutic school - you need to advocate for him and find him another setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

It is mental illness but that doesn’t mean there is t fault. My child is currently hospitalized because he is suicidal. Trigger is mostly school pressure. I went to the school once a week at least to try to get supports only to be told my son was fine. But he’s not and he may have been had he received some supports. It’s not the only thing but it was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. So yes sometimes there is blame.

Obviously lots of people failed this young woman however, most are not as lucky as your child is to have an attentive parent who checks in, checks around and is involved. Read all the posts here complaining about the things parents do... there is good reason for it. These parents probably tried. Posting this online isn't helping them nor supporting them. I don't get other kids doing memorials. Reach out to that kid eating alone. Reach out to the new kid. Don't wait till they die or do something drastic to get attention to care. Otherwise that isn't caring and about your needs not theirs.

A lot of these kids appear to be functionally normally - going to activities and socializing - until the male the impulsive decision to commit suicide.
You just don’t know what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

It is mental illness but that doesn’t mean there is t fault. My child is currently hospitalized because he is suicidal. Trigger is mostly school pressure. I went to the school once a week at least to try to get supports only to be told my son was fine. But he’s not and he may have been had he received some supports. It’s not the only thing but it was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. So yes sometimes there is blame.

Obviously lots of people failed this young woman however, most are not as lucky as your child is to have an attentive parent who checks in, checks around and is involved. Read all the posts here complaining about the things parents do... there is good reason for it. These parents probably tried. Posting this online isn't helping them nor supporting them. I don't get other kids doing memorials. Reach out to that kid eating alone. Reach out to the new kid. Don't wait till they die or do something drastic to get attention to care. Otherwise that isn't caring and about your needs not theirs.

A lot of these kids appear to be functionally normally - going to activities and socializing - until the male the impulsive decision to commit suicide.
You just don’t know what you are talking about.

Of course they have what appears to be normal lives. That's why you need to check and verify. That's why you still need to be involved, and kids often need you more, not less as teens (not to say these parents weren't heavily involved and devoted as we don't know anything about them.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

It is mental illness but that doesn’t mean there is t fault. My child is currently hospitalized because he is suicidal. Trigger is mostly school pressure. I went to the school once a week at least to try to get supports only to be told my son was fine. But he’s not and he may have been had he received some supports. It’s not the only thing but it was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. So yes sometimes there is blame.

That doesn’t mean it’s the fault of the school. If your son can’t function in that school environment you have to find another environment for him.
It sounds like he needs a therapeutic school - you need to advocate for him and find him another setting.

Most families cannot afford a therapeutic school - maybe are 50K+ a year if not more. The schools, especially MCPS will not pay for it in less the issues are severe and being suicidal generally isn't one. Many families are left on their own to cope and figure it out. Few insurances offer great mental health treatment and there are very few good therapists and psychiatrists out there.

[Anonymous]

No words. Incredibly sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No words. Incredibly sad.

+1. Thoughts and prayers for this young woman and all those whose lives she touched. How tragic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

It is mental illness but that doesn’t mean there is t fault. My child is currently hospitalized because he is suicidal. Trigger is mostly school pressure. I went to the school once a week at least to try to get supports only to be told my son was fine. But he’s not and he may have been had he received some supports. It’s not the only thing but it was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. So yes sometimes there is blame.

That doesn’t mean it’s the fault of the school. If your son can’t function in that school environment you have to find another environment for him.
It sounds like he needs a therapeutic school - you need to advocate for him and find him another setting.

Most families cannot afford a therapeutic school - maybe are 50K+ a year if not more. The schools, especially MCPS will not pay for it in less the issues are severe and being suicidal generally isn't one. Many families are left on their own to cope and figure it out. Few insurances offer great mental health treatment and there are very few good therapists and psychiatrists out there.

RICA
Or, home and hospital care where MCPS sends a tutor to your home for your child if they cannot attend school (as in having an emotional disturbance).
Those are both free.

Also, remember that if your child’s deems a special school necessary you can deduct tuition for the school from your taxes as a medical expense.

My child’s very small private school also accepted a few emotionally disturbed teens at the school each year. Some thrived, some did not. You owe it to your child to look around at some schools or programs if he is having profound difficulty.

This is in no way referring to the girl from Whitman, it is just directed to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

It is mental illness but that doesn’t mean there is t fault. My child is currently hospitalized because he is suicidal. Trigger is mostly school pressure. I went to the school once a week at least to try to get supports only to be told my son was fine. But he’s not and he may have been had he received some supports. It’s not the only thing but it was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. So yes sometimes there is blame.

That doesn’t mean it’s the fault of the school. If your son can’t function in that school environment you have to find another environment for him.
It sounds like he needs a therapeutic school - you need to advocate for him and find him another setting.

Most families cannot afford a therapeutic school - maybe are 50K+ a year if not more. The schools, especially MCPS will not pay for it in less the issues are severe and being suicidal generally isn't one. Many families are left on their own to cope and figure it out. Few insurances offer great mental health treatment and there are very few good therapists and psychiatrists out there.

RICA
Or, home and hospital care where MCPS sends a tutor to your home for your child if they cannot attend school (as in having an emotional disturbance).
Those are both free.

Also, remember that if your child’s doctor deems a special school necessary you can deduct tuition for the school from your taxes as a medical expense.

My child’s very small private school also accepted a few emotionally disturbed teens at the school each year. Some thrived, some did not. You owe it to your child to look around at some schools or programs if he is having profound difficulty.

This is in no way referring to the girl from Whitman, it is just directed to you.

[Anonymous]

Can we add this to "stuff rich people don't know"

Most people can't deduct $50K from taxes because they don't have $50K.

[Anonymous]

Whitman parent here.

My daughter is devastated and so sad about this -- as is the entire community. My child sat with me last night and opened up and the things that came out were so moving - and eye opening to me.

I'm left with the feeling that the school has to stop reinforcing the stress, stress, stress. They need to do something to tone down the stress levels for these kids.

Yes, undoubtedly there were many reasons that led to this tragedy. But, also, no doubt, this school is a pressure cooker and that is something the entire community has to deal with.

We chose Whitman because of its excellence and it is a great school in many ways. That said, my child was sick a couple of weeks ago and was worried about missing one day (one day!) of school b/c she'd "get behind." That's crazy.

We as parents and teachers must do something. Our kids are too precious and far more than the sum of their achievements, awards and grades.

Sad day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mental illness people, it’s not other people’s fault typically.
Stop harping about things you know nothing about.

It is mental illness but that doesn’t mean there is t fault. My child is currently hospitalized because he is suicidal. Trigger is mostly school pressure. I went to the school once a week at least to try to get supports only to be told my son was fine. But he’s not and he may have been had he received some supports. It’s not the only thing but it was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. So yes sometimes there is blame.

That doesn’t mean it’s the fault of the school. If your son can’t function in that school environment you have to find another environment for him.
It sounds like he needs a therapeutic school - you need to advocate for him and find him another setting.

Most families cannot afford a therapeutic school - maybe are 50K+ a year if not more. The schools, especially MCPS will not pay for it in less the issues are severe and being suicidal generally isn't one. Many families are left on their own to cope and figure it out. Few insurances offer great mental health treatment and there are very few good therapists and psychiatrists out there.

What are you talking about? It sounds like you keep trying to justify your lack of action on behalf of your son . There are tons of good psychiatrists and psychologists - get out there and find appropriate care for your son.