tips for reconnecting with spouse?

[Anonymous]

Are you able to take walks a few times a week without the kids? My DH tends to open up more when we walk and talk versus sitting at the dinner table, hanging around the house, etc. You get some exercise plus it helps in terms of spending uninterrupted time talking with your spouse.

On another note, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your child.

[Anonymous]

OP- look into Retouvaille. My husband and I did this and it helped tremendously .it is a weekend retreat and they have them all over the world. Just google it and put in the area you are from and it will let you know what weekends are coming up. I can’t say enough about it. They also have post sessions that help you rebuild you marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No you have not. You have answered the question how would YOU a MAN who does not have a child that died would connect with your wife.

You also don't know if the OP is having sex or not, I suspect they are and are still not connected.

Maybe next time you should actually read the opening post:
“We have grown apart and aren’t connecting/ed, physically or emotionally.””

Me and a dozen other respondents seem to agree that sex is the best way to connect with a man, despite their tragedy. What makes you an expert on male interest in sex?

Come back when your child dies and tell me how much you want to engage in the act that creates a child.

You don't know what you are talking about! Let others that know answer the question with an educated answer.

[Anonymous]

I had a stillbirth and the last thing I wanted to do was have sex. But DH and I stayed close by watching Tv shows we both liked together and touching on the couch. Sometimes it was full body contact (right next to each other), other times it was just holding hands or even touching toes.
But we talked about the shows, made snarky comments about characters or storylines.
Being physically close but not super intimate was key to bridging the gap. Then with time, the sex happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a stillbirth and the last thing I wanted to do was have sex. But DH and I stayed close by watching Tv shows we both liked together and touching on the couch. Sometimes it was full body contact (right next to each other), other times it was just holding hands or even touching toes.
But we talked about the shows, made snarky comments about characters or storylines.
Being physically close but not super intimate was key to bridging the gap. Then with time, the sex happened.

Sorry for your loss. But you are a woman. I don’t think your response (loss of sexual desire) is applicable to a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a stillbirth and the last thing I wanted to do was have sex. But DH and I stayed close by watching Tv shows we both liked together and touching on the couch. Sometimes it was full body contact (right next to each other), other times it was just holding hands or even touching toes.
But we talked about the shows, made snarky comments about characters or storylines.
Being physically close but not super intimate was key to bridging the gap. Then with time, the sex happened.

Sorry for your loss. But you are a woman. I don’t think your response (loss of sexual desire) is applicable to a man.

Is the OP a man? No. If OP wants to get back into the game this is good advice.

[Anonymous]

I'm a man and will chime in that these posters who are just yelling "sex" are full of it.

We are in the middle of a health crisis that my wife is facing. We have two young kids. I have a demanding job. Because of the health crisis, my wife can't work and the medical bills are creating financial stress. I'm exhausted, overwhelmed, disappointed (in modern medicine mainly), resentful (yes, I know it's not logical to resent a sick person and that makes me feel guilty), and probably a touch depressed (if I had 30 minutes at some point during the week, I'd probably try therapy but every minute of the day is spent ping ponging between daycare, work, doctors, and home). I am constantly running from the minute I open my eyes until my kids go to bed (when I get to work for another 2-3 hours).

Now, among the massive list of things that could make me happier and more connected, I would say that sex is the last thing I want.

Honestly, OP. Trauma is tough stuff. I am in the midst of it and don't know what to make of it. People want to think who they are and what they need, but life is interesting and can surprise you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- look into Retouvaille. My husband and I did this and it helped tremendously .it is a weekend retreat and they have them all over the world. Just google it and put in the area you are from and it will let you know what weekends are coming up. I can’t say enough about it. They also have post sessions that help you rebuild you marriage.

+1 for Retrouvaille

Catholic-based program but need not be Catholic. It is all about communicating, valuing your shared history, greater understanding of each other. Retrouvaille has saved and improved many many marriages, bringing many back from the brink. The best part is that session leaders are all former Retrouvaille participants -- they have been where you are and weathered those storms. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man and will chime in that these posters who are just yelling "sex" are full of it.

We are in the middle of a health crisis that my wife is facing. We have two young kids. I have a demanding job. Because of the health crisis, my wife can't work and the medical bills are creating financial stress. I'm exhausted, overwhelmed, disappointed (in modern medicine mainly), resentful (yes, I know it's not logical to resent a sick person and that makes me feel guilty), and probably a touch depressed (if I had 30 minutes at some point during the week, I'd probably try therapy but every minute of the day is spent ping ponging between daycare, work, doctors, and home). I am constantly running from the minute I open my eyes until my kids go to bed (when I get to work for another 2-3 hours).

Now, among the massive list of things that could make me happier and more connected, I would say that sex is the last thing I want.

Honestly, OP. Trauma is tough stuff. I am in the midst of it and don't know what to make of it. People want to think who they are and what they need, but life is interesting and can surprise you.

I am very sorry you are dealing with this. What you sound like you are dealing with is caregiver's fatigue. Can you reach out to you community, church, family to help? Even if they just get you a meal a week, or help with all those medical forms. BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man and will chime in that these posters who are just yelling "sex" are full of it.

We are in the middle of a health crisis that my wife is facing. We have two young kids. I have a demanding job. Because of the health crisis, my wife can't work and the medical bills are creating financial stress. I'm exhausted, overwhelmed, disappointed (in modern medicine mainly), resentful (yes, I know it's not logical to resent a sick person and that makes me feel guilty), and probably a touch depressed (if I had 30 minutes at some point during the week, I'd probably try therapy but every minute of the day is spent ping ponging between daycare, work, doctors, and home). I am constantly running from the minute I open my eyes until my kids go to bed (when I get to work for another 2-3 hours).

Now, among the massive list of things that could make me happier and more connected, I would say that sex is the last thing I want.

Honestly, OP. Trauma is tough stuff. I am in the midst of it and don't know what to make of it. People want to think who they are and what they need, but life is interesting and can surprise you.

I am very sorry you are dealing with this. What you sound like you are dealing with is caregiver's fatigue. Can you reach out to you community, church, family to help? Even if they just get you a meal a week, or help with all those medical forms. BTDT.

Thanks, PP. It is sort of a perfect, post-modern storm. My family is beyond extended with their own issues and can't help, we recently moved to the area and really don't know anyone in the community, and my in-laws are beyond unhelpful. They spent a month in denial since my wife down played her condition (also: due to denial). Once things got serious, my in-laws call daily to ask is my wife is feeling better but beyond that I am dealing with this alone. On top of it, I work in a shark tank so I've had to keep this issue extremely quiet at work since it's blood in the water.

It's all an awful dumpster fire of a mess.