tips for reconnecting with spouse?

[Anonymous]

We have had a rough few years (including the death of a child, among other things) and we know we need therapy - as individuals and as a couple - but with dozens of other priorities/constraints (we both work full time, limited leave, two young children) it has been difficult to make time. We have grown apart and aren’t connecting/ed, physically or emotionally. If you have any suggestions for habits to cultivate or even exercises to incorporate into our interactions to begin rebuilding, please share. Again, I know we need to get to therapy (recommendations welcome, preferably BCBS fed) but given existing obligations we probably won’t have time for that until at least the spring. Hoping those of you who have been-there-done-that can share some lessons learned. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Have you just talked to each other about how you are feeling? What you both would like to happen and ideas on ways to help each other? Communication can really help if both of you are honest with how you each are feeling.

[Anonymous]

Try physical closeness. People need touching. Try sleeping naked. Have sex once a week, whether you want to or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try physical closeness. People need touching. Try sleeping naked. Have sex once a week, whether you want to or not.

You do realize intimacy comes in many forms. Physical intimacy is a temporary fix the problem is usually acknowledging feelings and not forgetting what you did/said when you first started dating. Kindness, selflessness and thoughtfulness go a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try physical closeness. People need touching. Try sleeping naked. Have sex once a week, whether you want to or not.

Forced physical intimacy, when there's a lack of emotional intimacy behind it, can drive people further apart rather than bring them together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try physical closeness. People need touching. Try sleeping naked. Have sex once a week, whether you want to or not.

Forced physical intimacy, when there's a lack of emotional intimacy behind it, can drive people further apart rather than bring them together.

+1

This is an incredibly simplistic response given what OP and her spouse have been dealing with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try physical closeness. People need touching. Try sleeping naked. Have sex once a week, whether you want to or not.

You do realize intimacy comes in many forms. Physical intimacy is a temporary fix the problem is usually acknowledging feelings and not forgetting what you did/said when you first started dating. Kindness, selflessness and thoughtfulness go a long way.

When you first started dating physical intimacy was a key part of the connection. As a man I agree that reconnecting physically sparks the emotional bond. So yes. Go back to what you did in the beginning. Which was likely have physical intimacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try physical closeness. People need touching. Try sleeping naked. Have sex once a week, whether you want to or not.

Forced physical intimacy, when there's a lack of emotional intimacy behind it, can drive people further apart rather than bring them together.

+1

This is an incredibly simplistic response given what OP and her spouse have been dealing with.

I think the pp has a point. People / couples need sex, and sometimes even when neither wants to. It forces a closeness. Wasn’t there a marriage seminar that told couple to have sex daily for a 100 days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try physical closeness. People need touching. Try sleeping naked. Have sex once a week, whether you want to or not.

Forced physical intimacy, when there's a lack of emotional intimacy behind it, can drive people further apart rather than bring them together.

+1

This is an incredibly simplistic response given what OP and her spouse have been dealing with.

I think the pp has a point. People / couples need sex, and sometimes even when neither wants to. It forces a closeness. Wasn’t there a marriage seminar that told couple to have sex daily for a 100 days?

I think the ideal candidates for this exercise are couples who are in a bit of a rut, not necessarily couples that have endured a rough few years.

I don't know what the advice for OP is, but I'm pretty sure that HAVE SEX ALL THE TIME NO EXCUSES is not it. At least not yet.

[Anonymous]

Honestly? I love just walking the dogs with my spouse. We talk, we laugh about them, it’s time where we aren’t on our phones or in front of a TV, and exercise is always good. It’s a really simple thing but it seems to work for us.

[Anonymous]

Download the Gottman card decks app and spend some time each week with your spouse going through some of the card decks.
The Gottman Institute website has other good resources.

JSSA accepts BCBS Federal and provides counseling services.

[Anonymous]

A little sex can go a long way.

[Anonymous]

Another person that votes sex here. We have sex, we cuddle, we talk.

[Anonymous]

Be vulnerable with your spouse. Say things you're afraid to say. Then LISTEN! don't interrupt or get defensive. I realized my husband was telling me what he needed all these years I just thought he was kidding or got defensive and answered back.
Also agree, sex is so powerful in unlocking love hormones in a woman. Used to consider divorce often. Now we have tons of sex and I get the warm and fuzzies for my DH.
May not be this easy for others but DH and always loved each other just got focused on other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try physical closeness. People need touching. Try sleeping naked. Have sex once a week, whether you want to or not.

Forced physical intimacy, when there's a lack of emotional intimacy behind it, can drive people further apart rather than bring them together.

+1

This is an incredibly simplistic response given what OP and her spouse have been dealing with.

I think the pp has a point. People / couples need sex, and sometimes even when neither wants to. It forces a closeness. Wasn’t there a marriage seminar that told couple to have sex daily for a 100 days?

Right after a child died. I doubt it.

FFS if you have never experienced serious trauma in a marriage sit back and listen and stop giving advice when you have no clue.