Heartbroken

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been ghosted a dozen times by women from OLD. Enough times that I don't feel a bit bad doing it myself. Thinking about doing it with the girl I'm seeing now.

Why do men do it? Because we can. I'm 52, divorced, and can easily get a date for every day of the week (some of them in their 20s).

You sound like a douche

[Anonymous]

OP, my mother used to say, "It's ok to feel sorry for yourself, but only for a little while." Use anger as a motivator to get through the pain in the near term, and remember the best long term response to thoughtless, cowardly behavior is simply living well in spite of it. Invest in yourself. Read a book. Get some exercise. Experience something new. Rise your self above it and the moving on part will happen on its own. I suffered a heart-wrenching breakup with someone whose office is right next to mine. I have to see her, and be reminded of it, every day. If I didn't know I was doing something every day to improve some physical or mental facet of myself, I'd be a depressed wreck.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I really appreciate all the advice, virtual hugs, and hypotheses.

I did start doing stuff for myself (making alternate plans, exercising), and I did have a come to Jesus meeting where I thought I was dumping him and trying to learn why he flaked out. It didn't quite go as expected.

Bottom line-- my take-aways - he doesn't have any idea what he wants, is over his head at work, at a professional crossroads, needs to move, still stinging from a very long previous relationship that ended right before we met, and is far more introverted than I realized. He thinks I was projecting stuff about him that wasn't true (fair) and that he isn't what I want (not accurate). He has major walls up usually but opened up a lot during that talk. Had a super long hug and then on my way to leave his place (he isn't married, PP), he asked if we could keep talking.

So, here we are, a few weeks later with a couple good dates under our belt. He still doesn't initiate much communication when we are apart, which I never satisfactory to me but I am trying to figure out if that is important.

Are we right for each other? Who knows. Maybe not. Do I want marriage? No, not looking for that. Is he seeing others? Very doubtful but you never know. I am trying to reorient my expectations to fit the reality of the relationship I am in. If it becomes too maddening, I guess I will have the answer to my first question. For now, I am happy to know he wants to keep dating. The sex is amazing but infrequent enough that I don't think he is just using me for that (or me using him for that) -- it works for both of us, for now. I am unused to men I couldn't read better, so it's challenging. Sigh. Thanks, all --this was a helpful thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry this is happening to you, OP. If it makes you feel better, this may be happening to me right now as well. I haven't heard from the guy I've been seeing since Thursday...its the longest we haven't talked since we met. He went out of town Sat-Sun and told me he would be in touch and text, and just nothing. We've been struggling lately though, as he's very, very unhappy in a new job and possibly dealing with some situational depression issues, so I suppose its not totally unexpected. However, given we've just had some fairly significant come to jesus talks about this within the last week where he told me repeatedly he wanted to keep seeing me and wanted me in his life, so this definitely stings. I'm hurt, but I'm mostly just really, really angry he would treat me like this after I've supported him through some pretty heavy stuff. Instead of crying, I mostly just want to punch him in the face

That sounds familiar. Is he in the military?