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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. I really appreciate all the advice, virtual hugs, and hypotheses.

I did start doing stuff for myself (making alternate plans, exercising), and I did have a come to Jesus meeting where I thought I was dumping him and trying to learn why he flaked out.  It didn't quite go as expected.

Bottom line-- my take-aways -  he doesn't have any idea what he wants, is over his head at work, at a professional crossroads, needs to move, still stinging from a very long previous relationship that ended right before we met, and is far more introverted than I realized.  He thinks I was projecting stuff about him that wasn't true (fair) and that he isn't what I want (not accurate).  He has major walls up usually but opened up a lot during that talk.  Had a super long hug and then on my way to leave his place (he isn't married, PP), he asked if we could keep talking.

So, here we are, a few weeks later with a couple good dates under our belt. He still doesn't initiate much communication when we are apart, which I never satisfactory to me but I am trying to figure out if that is important.

Are we right for each other?  Who knows.  Maybe not.  Do I want marriage?  No, not looking for that.  Is he seeing others? Very doubtful but you never know.  I am trying to reorient my expectations to fit the reality of the relationship I am in.  If it becomes too maddening, I guess I will have the answer to my first question.  For now, I am happy to know he wants to keep dating. The sex is amazing but infrequent enough that I don't think he is just using me for that (or me using him for that) -- it works for both of us, for now.  I am unused to men I couldn't read better, so it's challenging.  Sigh.  Thanks, all --this was a helpful thread. [/quote]

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