Do you let you 17- or 18-year-old high school senior visit friends at college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I used to visit my college friends when I was in high school and every event involved drinking and unacceptable behavior. I'm surprised I survived!

Too many parents on this board want to coddle little billy/mary right up to the point that they leave the house. Then they are shocked when the sheltered child goes wild during first weeks of college.

I let my older during senior year visit friends at a couple of Universities in the fall. I suspect that there was drinking going on but I have always operated on a "don't ask / don't tell" when it comes to teen drinking. I drank a couple times a month in high school and I survived as did my friends.

These comments are not directed to the nervous nellies who always pat themselves on the back and are in an apparent arms race to show how protective they can be of their children. They believe that they love their too much to accept any risk and will go to herculean efforts to show how great of parents that they are. Unfortunately, these are lost causes and nothing that I or anyone could write will ever convince them that there are other reasonable alternatives.

Instead, this is for those parents who are willing to weigh the risk/rewards and are able to look beyond the following week. Such long thinkers are becoming increasingly rare in today's world!

Do you think that 16 year old HS kids are too young to visit their college friends overnight? What about 15? How about 14, 13, 12? Would you let your 14 year old go to a fraternity party with college students?

To my way of thinking they are going to be kids for such a short time. HS is a milestone in their lives and they should be enjoying being in HS and having the extra supervision (and security) of mom and dad for a little while longer. They will be graduated from HS soon enough, those days will be over and they will never be able to go back to them ever again. Let them enjoy being teenagers in HS while they still can. College, dorms, roommates, and college social events can wait.

Straw man argument

You called parents who don't allow their HS 17/18 year old HS kids to stay overnight at their friends' college campuses, nervous nellies and coddlers. I personally think that there is nothing wrong with telling kids that college life can wait until they are in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine recently did this. Her son decided to drive home instead of the agreed upon plan to stay at his older brother's place, and he got a DUI on the way home. It might be kid dependent, but I probably wouldn't take the risk.

He didn't "get a DUI". He drove drunk and was arrested for his stupidity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine recently did this. Her son decided to drive home instead of the agreed upon plan to stay at his older brother's place, and he got a DUI on the way home. It might be kid dependent, but I probably wouldn't take the risk.

He didn't "get a DUI". He drove drunk and was arrested for his stupidity.

The kid probably got into a drunken argument with his brother and since the kid didn't actually live at the college, didn't know anyone else and was too young to rent a hotel room, he got into his car and drove home drunk. He could have gotten himself killed and he could have killed someone else. Luckily he got pulled over before a tragedy happened.

[Anonymous]

An 18 yr old is legally an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I used to visit my college friends when I was in high school and every event involved drinking and unacceptable behavior. I'm surprised I survived!

Too many parents on this board want to coddle little billy/mary right up to the point that they leave the house. Then they are shocked when the sheltered child goes wild during first weeks of college.

I let my older during senior year visit friends at a couple of Universities in the fall. I suspect that there was drinking going on but I have always operated on a "don't ask / don't tell" when it comes to teen drinking. I drank a couple times a month in high school and I survived as did my friends.

These comments are not directed to the nervous nellies who always pat themselves on the back and are in an apparent arms race to show how protective they can be of their children. They believe that they love their too much to accept any risk and will go to herculean efforts to show how great of parents that they are. Unfortunately, these are lost causes and nothing that I or anyone could write will ever convince them that there are other reasonable alternatives.

Instead, this is for those parents who are willing to weigh the risk/rewards and are able to look beyond the following week. Such long thinkers are becoming increasingly rare in today's world!

Do you think that 16 year old HS kids are too young to visit their college friends overnight? What about 15? How about 14, 13, 12? Would you let your 14 year old go to a fraternity party with college students?

To my way of thinking they are going to be kids for such a short time. HS is a milestone in their lives and they should be enjoying being in HS and having the extra supervision (and security) of mom and dad for a little while longer. They will be graduated from HS soon enough, those days will be over and they will never be able to go back to them ever again. Let them enjoy being teenagers in HS while they still can. College, dorms, roommates, and college social events can wait.

Straw man argument

You called parents who don't allow their HS 17/18 year old HS kids to stay overnight at their friends' college campuses, nervous nellies and coddlers. I personally think that there is nothing wrong with telling kids that college life can wait until they are in college.

17/18 vs 14 is the classic straw man.

A straw man is a common form of argument and is an informal fallacy based on giving the impression of refuting an opponent's argument, while refuting an argument that was not presented by that opponent. One who engages in this fallacy is said to be "attacking a straw man".


Orignial argument was 17/18 year old seniors but the Would you let your 14 year old go to a fraternity party with college students? was not discussed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I used to visit my college friends when I was in high school and every event involved drinking and unacceptable behavior. I'm surprised I survived!

Too many parents on this board want to coddle little billy/mary right up to the point that they leave the house. Then they are shocked when the sheltered child goes wild during first weeks of college.

I let my older during senior year visit friends at a couple of Universities in the fall. I suspect that there was drinking going on but I have always operated on a "don't ask / don't tell" when it comes to teen drinking. I drank a couple times a month in high school and I survived as did my friends.

These comments are not directed to the nervous nellies who always pat themselves on the back and are in an apparent arms race to show how protective they can be of their children. They believe that they love their too much to accept any risk and will go to herculean efforts to show how great of parents that they are. Unfortunately, these are lost causes and nothing that I or anyone could write will ever convince them that there are other reasonable alternatives.

Instead, this is for those parents who are willing to weigh the risk/rewards and are able to look beyond the following week. Such long thinkers are becoming increasingly rare in today's world!

Do you think that 16 year old HS kids are too young to visit their college friends overnight? What about 15? How about 14, 13, 12? Would you let your 14 year old go to a fraternity party with college students?

To my way of thinking they are going to be kids for such a short time. HS is a milestone in their lives and they should be enjoying being in HS and having the extra supervision (and security) of mom and dad for a little while longer. They will be graduated from HS soon enough, those days will be over and they will never be able to go back to them ever again. Let them enjoy being teenagers in HS while they still can. College, dorms, roommates, and college social events can wait.

Straw man argument

You called parents who don't allow their HS 17/18 year old HS kids to stay overnight at their friends' college campuses, nervous nellies and coddlers. I personally think that there is nothing wrong with telling kids that college life can wait until they are in college.

17/18 vs 14 is the classic straw man.

A straw man is a common form of argument and is an informal fallacy based on giving the impression of refuting an opponent's argument, while refuting an argument that was not presented by that opponent. One who engages in this fallacy is said to be "attacking a straw man".


Orignial argument was 17/18 year old seniors but the Would you let your 14 year old go to a fraternity party with college students? was not discussed.

I realize that. My point was that there are parents out there that would prefer that their teens wait until they are actually graduated from HS (or at least admitted into college) before hanging out on college campuses overnight with their friends. You call that coddling.

Someone else might feel that their 14 year old HS kid is mature enough and responsible enough to hang out on a college campus overnight with friends. You think that's a bit young and an unwise decision on the parent's part. But the parents who allow that with their younger HS kids might consider you to be a "coddler".

I personally would not allow my HS teenager to visit friends at college for the sole purpose of socializing with the college crowd. Too much can go wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

As a young tween I went alone to visit my brother in college, several states away. My brother knew Mom & Dad would kill him if anything happened to me. He was very protective of me. I saw some things that were not age appropriate, that he couldn't help .. but the greater picture was the trip helped keep the bond with my brother. I'm a parent now and YES, I would strongly encourage a similar trip for a sibling (depending), but also I would say NO to a HS student visiting college friends. No need. No deep emotional need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a young tween I went alone to visit my brother in college, several states away. My brother knew Mom & Dad would kill him if anything happened to me. He was very protective of me. I saw some things that were not age appropriate, that he couldn't help .. but the greater picture was the trip helped keep the bond with my brother. I'm a parent now and YES, I would strongly encourage a similar trip for a sibling (depending), but also I would say NO to a HS student visiting college friends. No need. No deep emotional need.

I visited my older siblings in college as a teen and it was a wonderful experience. They were very protective of me and their roommates were also very well behaved. As mentioned, much depends on the sibling and the expectations of the parents.

[Anonymous]

Senior? It's ok. but as a parent have her watch (with you)..this video - on date rape on campus. Ask your daughter if she finds the young woman who is being interviewed a bit clueless.This will start a discussion on how important it will be for her to stay conscious while visiting her buddy in college. Click on Blogs and Vlogs and scroll to the Clueless on Campus blog/vlog on my site for moms and daughters. Do you mind reading the below request and answering? thanks. my website is at the end.

I have a question for all moms of tween and teen girls. I have a 6-year project - that helps tween and teen girls in today's world. Your answer would be helpful. Though the book is written - I want Moms to express the following- for future classes, and workshops - for you and your Teen. Thanks. HERE GOES!

What question would YOU most want to be answered when asking about how (or what) to share with your tween or teen daughter on relationships, communication, love and physical intimacy? I am a tween and teen relationship & communication expert, former sex educator to parents of tween & teens. I would like to hear you share your r #1 question or concern in today's hyper-sexualized culture. Thanks. feel free to look me up. www.MimmyLoftin.com