Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I feel in love with SD as much as I did with her dad. She was almost 8 at the time. She's almost 13 now. She is my only "child." I had ever intention to just be like an aunt for her but she pushed me into a mom role with her. Even called me mom this whole time, despite my original hesitation over it. She's with us 50%. Bio mom and step dad live nearby. Neither of her bio parents really parented her the way she needed when she was young and the step dad affirmatively hates kids and won't be bothered with her. Mom and DH weren't neglectful but just...absent and kind of not engaged when around and also...so permissive that SD was kind of feral when I met her. She blossomed under my more structured parenting and we've been madly close for all these years. Until now. At 13, she loves having checked out parents cuz...who wouldn't at that age. They think they know what's best and don't want to be "controlled." Hurts like hell to have her look me in the eye and throw in my face that I'm not "her mom" no matter how much I "pretend" I am. That she only "needs" 2 parents and I need to leave her alone. More importantly than me being hurt is not knowing if I should listen to her and just convert into being a "fun Aunt" and leave the parenting to 2 people who aren't interested in doing it or if I should just handle it like I would if I WERE her bio mom, understand that its developmentally normal for her to push away, and just continue to parent her in whatever way she needs. very, very complicated.
Serious question, why did you marry a man who is not a good parent? I sincerely want to know.
Easy: I didn't know. I'm guessing there are lots and lots of things that people don't know about each other when they get married. This happened to be mine. I had spent a lot of time with them. She adored him. He was kind and smart and loving. We didn't live together until after marriage, which isn't unusual with kids involved. Reality didn't hit until a few months into the daily routine of life. But whatever, I was fine becoming her de factor parent. It was all working until recently.
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