Custody schedule 2-2-5 versus one week on/one week off (with midweek overnight)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not even divorced so I don't have a dog in the fight but I'm wondering whether the posters that say equal time is a requirement for each parent to actually be a parent apply that standard to married couples? Does a parent who works more hours suddenly become more of an uncle/aunt because child sees the other parent more?

Yes, I think it applies. I am primary when my husband is at work and he spends as much time as he can with our kids after work and on weekends. He does a lot of the evening and weekend activities and does a lot on the weekends, including getting up in the morning. His ex didn't allow much contact with his kids and its clear in their adult relationship and lives how they were impacted by the divorce, not having a father and their mom's parenting (or lack there of).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP-hope you're still reading, sorry you haven't gotten many responses that actually address your question.

I'm a fan of the 2/2/5 because I can schedule my late work meetings/community commitments on Mon and Tues and then maximize my time with my kid. I hear that week on/week off works better for kids who struggle with transitions and in families where the divorced parents still have a high degree of conflict.

Another vote for 2/2/5. Also what I like about it is that all transitions occur during the week. So don't have to see my ex.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for one home. As a child of divorce and knowing many divorced children, I implore you to consider their needs over the parents'! My father was very very involved but I lived with my mom. It is possible and better.

[Anonymous]

I think that is too much transition time. Having it stable as possible during the school week is critical. We do kids w me during the week for the most part, then every other weekend, it's Th night-Monday morning at their dad's. Every week there is a school pick-up and dinner w him too. Holidays are traditional: one year, he gets the week of Thanksgiving, I get before Christmas holiday and Christmas Day, then they go to him for rest of holiday, etc. And then the following year we switch. We each have homes and they have rooms in each house with their things, etc. It's still not perfect--they love the time with each of us, but the transitions can still be hard because we have different styles (I'm stricter, more scheduled, and I'm the one who does the stuff like doctors, etc; he is more about fun).

I grew up with an every other weekend schedule with my dad but I did not have anything personal in my dad's house (like a poster on the wall or clothes there), so my childhood was very, very different. I DID feel like a visitor. But my kids have enough of their own things both places that each house is a home.

Do what is going to provide the best, most stability for your children, the fewest transitions possible, and what makes sense for your relationship with ex. Think ahead and try to remember that a custody agreement is the rock-bottom back-up of what custody will be if all goes to hell but that custody in practice should be more fluid (i.e. be willing to make changes for the sake of the kids if something is not working or to accommodate a work trip or something like that.) We had two custody agreements (the second was a battle that went on for a year and resulted in the current agreement). I wish I had more time with them (the Th night and Sun night were the additions for him after the custody fight), but it's fairly okay.

The kids were not part of the negotiations ever and have never, ever known that we have fought or disagreed on anything related to them. That was a critical point for me, and remains so to this day when we disagree. I can't stand him, but I sit next to him at school things, remind them to call him, remind him of important events and conferneces to make sure he is there, share everything with him that comes from school or coaches (of course), and generally make co-parenting a priority. My personal feelings towards him do not figure into it as it is all to present a unified front for them and for their best and highest good.

We've been divorced for 6 years, with this current agreement in place for 3 years. Kids are 9 and 11. It's not perfect, but it's the best we can do.

[Anonymous]

2-2-3 sounds good since it keeps about 50/50 during the week and alternates weekends. The downside is it's a two week schedule and may be a bit difficult for the kids initially since one monday they are with parent A, and the next with parent B. You and your ex will need to be 100% on top of everything school related and communicate very well (without killing each other). If you're both committed to making this work then you'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2-2-3 sounds good since it keeps about 50/50 during the week and alternates weekends. The downside is it's a two week schedule and may be a bit difficult for the kids initially since one monday they are with parent A, and the next with parent B. You and your ex will need to be 100% on top of everything school related and communicate very well (without killing each other). If you're both committed to making this work then you'll be fine.

you can do 2-2-3 with strict alternation between 2-2-3 or you can do 2-2-3 where each parent has a stable 2-2 and only the 3 alternates between weekends. The latter effectively gives you a 5 day stretch that alternates with parents over the weekend, which could be too long depending on age or personality of child.