Housewife vs SAHM
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Anonymous
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I am in the most of this is semantics camp, but essentially I stayed home for the first 2years of my DC's life. Then went back to work for year 3 and some of 4...and then DH decided to seek employment elsewhere and we moved cities. While it was a joint decision to move, it was not as clear how hard it would be for me to find employment in my field here. So, in theory I'm a SAHM, but my search for work, and dabeling with short term contract projects, and staying involved through professional organizations means I'm doing work, but it isn't paid. I frequently stumble between saying my profession (which I haven't worked in officially for a year) SAHM, (though now I just learned I'm becoming a housewife when DC starts K in the fall.) and straight up saying I'm unemployed.
All this is to say, titles matter because what we do all day does influence our sense of identity. Most situations are using that title to size you up and put you in one category or another, and if you want to call yourself "Family Manager" great, go for it. |
Anonymous
I'm the PP originally wuoted. I also volunteer occasionally at the school. But truly, out of the 35 hours a week in without a kid, the few hours I'm at the school don't change much. I'm not *with* my children. And every adult does the other things you listed, regardless of employment. |
Anonymous
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I really don't care what you call me. My job is to raise my kids, manage the household and give back to the community as a volunteer. My days are pretty full. If I was working for pay, I would cut back on something else. |
Anonymous
Correct. I am financially independent. |
Anonymous
eh, there are retired people who have decades of work under their belt but can only afford to retire at their current lifestyle because they have a spouse who continues to work. Maybe they won't begin to collect a pension until they are of "retirement age". If they have no children at home or their kids are school aged should we tell them "No. You aren't really retired. You are a housewife/househusband/homemaker"? |
Anonymous
O.k. So trust fund babies can say the same exact thing, right? |
Anonymous
Sure. |
Anonymous
+1 I don't do much "housework" either. We outsourced before kids and still outsource today. Not really my thing. |
Anonymous
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I think we can all agree that raising children in the year 2017 is a lot more work than doing it in 1957. Back then the emphasis was much more on adult relationships and everything revolved around the man's needs. Now it revolves around the children. Uou used to shoo them outside and make them play on their own all day. Now you are supposed to be actively engaging and enriching them for most of the day, shuttling them around to various activities, hosting "play dates" (a word that probably did not even exist in 1957), making sure everything they eat is organic and homemade, etc. etc.
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Anonymous
Back in the day when everyone had a SAHM and everyone's dad worked 30/40 years for the same company and they lived in the same house with the same neighbors....and you really could shoo your kids out the door in the morning and tell them to be back before dark because you knew every person on your street and everyone knew you, anything that a kid did would get back to their parents.....yeah, that was a different reality. Times have changed. |
Anonymous
Right which is why the language we use has changed as well. That's my point. Back in the day, your main concern as a housewife was keeping the house clean and making sure hubby was happy. Now it's about being a cruise director for kids. Different world. |
Anonymous
I think SAHM is appropriate, to distinguish from mothers that work outside the home. This list is a list of things that everyone does -- I have literally done everything on this list in the past two weeks, except I took my mother to Home Depot last week, not the doctor, and school is not in session right now so no volunteering. Family manager is a role that exists if you have a family. The question is what do you call people who have kids and don't have paid employment. |
Anonymous
"Domestic Engineer", or as Roseanne put it "Domestic Goddess". CEO of (random) MLM. Pick your title. As for me, I think that SAHM describes what I do best. |
Anonymous
Yeah I don't get this either. PP, all working parents do everything on your list. AND work. |
Anonymous
Working parents get it all done, too, but they do tend to outsource more of the domestic duties and I can't blame them. |