Working parents of 2 or more, when do you find time for sleep/rest/recovery and yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Well, people seem to be doing pretty well... as a mom of a 3 year old and a 1 year old let me tell you that this is not my life. Where's the downtime? The answer is you don't have any. You have the time between when the kids go to sleep until when they wake up (whether that's the middle of the night or in the morning). You also have when you go to work. Depending on your job that may not be downtime, but at least you can take a minute to go get a cup of coffee alone or check your email. I know this will change in a few years and I certainly don't regret having two, but just know the early years will be brutal.

Also to your point about spending time with the kids. This is the main reason I don't want more. When number 2 came we immediately had less individual time with number 1, and that hurts. And our number 2 is getting less of us than number 1 had, and that hurts. You start feeling guilty when you're focusing on one more than the other at any moment and that feels odd too. I can't enjoy every single moment with number 2 because I have number 1 to focus on as well. I can't imagine how you split that time again with a 3rd, although I know people do it. I would feel I was missing out on too much.

Thank you! That is what I am picturing...
-OP (still on the fence)

[Anonymous]

We have four and it's not that hard. Two is a breeze. Relax.

[Anonymous]

I think when you have two or more maybe the individual relationships are different because your time is split in a sense, but then you can't discount the relationships that form between siblings. Even if I'm not spending time coloring with DC1 because I'm changing DC3s diaper, I can hear her teaching DC2 how to stay in the lines, explaining what color would be good to use, or even where they can hang it up once it's done, and I still consider that quality time even if it doesn't involve me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Well, people seem to be doing pretty well... as a mom of a 3 year old and a 1 year old let me tell you that this is not my life. Where's the downtime? The answer is you don't have any. You have the time between when the kids go to sleep until when they wake up (whether that's the middle of the night or in the morning). You also have when you go to work. Depending on your job that may not be downtime, but at least you can take a minute to go get a cup of coffee alone or check your email. I know this will change in a few years and I certainly don't regret having two, but just know the early years will be brutal.

Also to your point about spending time with the kids. This is the main reason I don't want more. When number 2 came we immediately had less individual time with number 1, and that hurts. And our number 2 is getting less of us than number 1 had, and that hurts. You start feeling guilty when you're focusing on one more than the other at any moment and that feels odd too. I can't enjoy every single moment with number 2 because I have number 1 to focus on as well. I can't imagine how you split that time again with a 3rd, although I know people do it. I would feel I was missing out on too much.

Thank you! That is what I am picturing...
-OP (still on the fence)

This. Also a mom of a 3yo and 1yo. My downtime is my commute. Once the kids go to bed, I'm back on the computer to make up the hours I missed when I was with them in the evening. I immediately go to bed after finishing work (between 10p-1am). Up again at 5am, kids up a 5:30am. Rinse and repeat. No time for anything else, including gym.

That said, I feel like between being in the office and commuting I don't NEED more personal time (want is a different matter). Yes, 2 is hard, but I absolutely love the relationship between the two kids. You quickly figure out how to even out the parental attention given to each.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're considering #2 but don't have any family around and are both unsure about our ability to be good parents to both kids, given work demands, etc. I work 9-6 with AWS (every other Friday), plus 20 days' annual leave, liberal sick leave (which I very rarely take, but it's there if needed) and all federal holidays. My husband has a flexible but busy schedule (this means he can do drop offs and pick ups when necessary or cover if I'm traveling for work, which I do about once a quarter for 1-2 weeks). Right now, we each get a couple of hours to ourselves on the weekends and 30 minutes every other bedtime. We try to go on a date once a month (often a nice lunch during the Fridays I can take off). I am not sure what I would do without that time.

If we have another, I am having trouble imagining a schedule that allows each of us some downtime, while also giving our kids enough mom and dad time.
After particularly stressful weeks (e.g. if someone or all of us get sick), we also need extra hours to catch up on sleep and recuperate.

If you have two kids or more, how do you schedule the week so you have some time to regain energy and sanity? And when does it get better (e.g. when can the kids play by themselves in their room without supervision for an hour or two - that would really be all I need a couple of times a week).

Thanks!

When does it get better?
College

[Anonymous]

We don't have much and its been a huge strain.

We have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. We are both working parents with no family in town and we've taken both of them to day care since 4 months old, which in my mind is half the struggle. My children share a room and unfortunately, when one wakes up, the other wakes too, so that is the other half of the struggle. They also have a really tough time settling down at nigh. The sleep issues are huge, for us and the kids.

In my mind I think if I could walk out of the house without their straw cups and whatever item they have to bring for the day's activity, and not have to buckled them into car seats and rush them along in the morning, and if they slept through, life would be grand By that I mean, both of these things take up SO much time. I think we'd have a lot more time in our days if we could leave them with a nanny and if they went to bed at 7:30 and no one woke up till morning.