Not wanting to share recipes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Dad had a 'secret recipe' for homemade mac and cheese which he would share with the grandkids with great pride and pomp. One year I made big magnets with the recipe scanned on it for everyone in the family's refrigerators: it was a well used recipe cut straight off the back of a pasta box. It was sweet that we all had the same thing and it became kind of a well loved family tradition (as I can print up for any one joining family!) Dad never hid that it wasn't original - just never mentioned it so was only thrilled to see it become a family 'heirloom.' Now my mother's apple pie was no secret but try as I might watching everything she does - I can never make it like she does and she truly makes the best apple pie ever

That is such a sweet story about your Dad! And your Mom's pie has a special ingredient--her love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kind of hate when people ask for recipes. I consider it bad etiquette.

Are you OP's relative? While you consider it bad etiquette, most of the civilized world considers it a compliment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's one of those things where I would just shrug and then roll my eyes when they aren't looking. If someone asked me for a recipe, I'd be flattered and give it to them (or tell them where I got it from).

But at the same time, I refuse to loan out any of my books any more. Not quite the same a recipes, since they're actual physical things, but I got burned by people not returning books too many times.

Are these "your recipes" you feel free to give out, or a book recipe? Both? I'm just wondering. I like the idea of having special meals myself where people come to my house go get my special Mac And cheese or my husband's ribs with his secret BBQ sauce. Dh and I definitely aren't selfish, but I'll admit it makes me feel good to be able to make these foods special for my family and friends. I'm not keen on giving up my secret recipes just yet.

Both. I'm just tickled when someone likes something I've made so much that they want to make it themselves, particularly when it's one of "my" recipes. I'll give a recent example: I brought wild rice pilaf with caramelized shallots, cranberries, and chopped pecans to Christmas Eve dinner. My SIL's teen stepdaughter (brand new marriage, so I never met the kid before) loved it so much she asked for the recipe herself. (She also has some food allergies and was very excited it was something she could eat) I happily wrote the recipe down for her.

Yes, food is nourishment, but to me food is often so much more. It's about sharing, traditions, love, community, passion. Refusing a recipe, to me, goes against those things.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you do, OP, don't work to develop a recipe that's close to your SIL's and then, whenever you serve it, refer to it as "Jennie Sue's meatloaf." That would be very, very wrong.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend like this. She's a good cook but I think it's selfish and crazy.

[Anonymous]

I often cook without recipes of any kind and someone once commented "if you don't want to share." I explained that I use recipes for ideas but then branch out on my own.

[Anonymous]

They have nothing else particularly interesting or special about them besides those recipes.

[Anonymous]

I have to admit that I love to share my recipes. I actually get pretty excited about it and my inner conversation is this: "Hooray!!! Someone LIKES it, they like it SOOO much that they want to make it themselves, yippee!!!". So I'm thrilled when anyone asks. It has worked well except for one time.

I gave a recipe for Moroccan Carrots to a young woman who raved about them when I served them at a buffet dinner. I was pretty thrilled she liked them because she and her husband were just starting out and super nice. Anyway, a few months later we were with a different group at a potluck and there was this young woman and her husband. She was so proud to tell me that she had made my dish! I was pretty excited, too, until we got to the buffet table. We looked and, yup, there was something on the buffet table but it sure didn't look anything like my recipe. Turns out it didn't taste anything like it either. Turns out the young woman had made lots of substitutions and deviated significantly from the recipe. She was excited to talk about it, which was fine, but it was a little disconcerting that she kept telling everyone that it was my recipe and then you could tell by the looks on their faces that it just wasn't to their tastes.

Honestly, I'm not sure I could do anything differently. I still get excited when someone asks for a recipe but now I do always have a secret hope that if the recipient makes changes then they make them for the better not the worse.

[Anonymous]

this is behavior of women from previous generations who derived their self worth from their cooking and cleaning skills. People who hoard their recipes like that are really silly. I'm a great cook and share my recipes all the time.

[Anonymous]

I find refusing to share a recipe really petty, unless one is a professional chef deriving income from recipes one developed from scratch. Changing the recipe to ensure someone else's dish isn't as good as your original is just insane. It smacks of a time where a woman's greatest accomplishment (after snagging a husband, of course!) was making the prize pie at the church picnic.

I have one relative who cooks from memory/by taste, and she won't share recipes because she's too lazy to write them down for you. But, if you're willing to follow her around the kitchen, she doesn't care if you write it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this is behavior of women from previous generations who derived their self worth from their cooking and cleaning skills. People who hoard their recipes like that are really silly. I'm a great cook and share my recipes all the time.

Now women hoard networking connections, job leads and botox doctors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's one of those things where I would just shrug and then roll my eyes when they aren't looking. If someone asked me for a recipe, I'd be flattered and give it to them (or tell them where I got it from).

But at the same time, I refuse to loan out any of my books any more. Not quite the same a recipes, since they're actual physical things, but I got burned by people not returning books too many times.

Are these "your recipes" you feel free to give out, or a book recipe? Both? I'm just wondering. I like the idea of having special meals myself where people come to my house go get my special Mac And cheese or my husband's ribs with his secret BBQ sauce. Dh and I definitely aren't selfish, but I'll admit it makes me feel good to be able to make these foods special for my family and friends. I'm not keen on giving up my secret recipes just yet.

Both. I'm just tickled when someone likes something I've made so much that they want to make it themselves, particularly when it's one of "my" recipes. I'll give a recent example: I brought wild rice pilaf with caramelized shallots, cranberries, and chopped pecans to Christmas Eve dinner. My SIL's teen stepdaughter (brand new marriage, so I never met the kid before) loved it so much she asked for the recipe herself. (She also has some food allergies and was very excited it was something she could eat) I happily wrote the recipe down for her.

Yes, food is nourishment, but to me food is often so much more. It's about sharing, traditions, love, community, passion. Refusing a recipe, to me, goes against those things.

Sounds yummy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this is behavior of women from previous generations who derived their self worth from their cooking and cleaning skills. People who hoard their recipes like that are really silly. I'm a great cook and share my recipes all the time.

Your tone is disgusting to me. I'm an attorney. I hate sharing my recipes. I aspire one day to publish a cookbook as well as pass my recipes down. I can guarantee you my self worth isn't wrapped up in it. And that probably isn't the case for many people.
People aren't obligated to share their recipes. I don't even understand what the big stink is about.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother left me her chocolate chip cookie recipe. It is in our safe and in my memory and no where else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother left me her chocolate chip cookie recipe. It is in our safe and in my memory and no where else.

Good for you! I think this is beautiful and I'm sure she would appreciate how close to your heart you are keeping it.