relationship with son difficult because of girlfriend

[Anonymous]

OP, correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems this woman has turned her life around correct? These charges are in the past, and it seems she's cleaned up her act gone to school and now has a career.

If this is true, then I think you need to giver her a chance. The fact that she's 8 years old isn't the end of the world, considering they are essentially in the same place of life.

If she's on the right side of the law noe and doing well I think you owe her a chance, get to know her try and see what your son sees.

OP here. Yes, I have thought about this. I do think that once he gets a regular job and has shown some more responsibility I will most likely be up for having a relationship with his girlfriend. The whole thing is too raw right now (it was a shock to me for sure). As it is, I don't want to support both him and her financially (or any girl financially for that matter). As a previous poster said, his life is too comfortable and, in part, I don't want him to be too comfortable or he will stay dependent upon us for a long time. I am not giving him money right now, but he is riding on graduation present money from relatives and he just started a summer job (one that he has worked in the past). That job will end in August so he will have some spending money for a while. I do think about the car and car insurance issue and believe many posters are right that he should start paying us for those things as soon as the checks from the job start rolling in. I will talk to him about that.

[Anonymous]

Adults get to choose their professions, their friends, their partners, their clothing and hairstyles, their actions.

Yes, of course they do, but adults also don't live in a room at mom and dad's house and drive mom and dad's car on their insurance. OP, I would not agree to let this woman stay at your house if you are not comfortable with it, and you don't have to let your son drive the car to see her if you are paying for everything. But how well do you know this woman? If you don't know her, I'd at least agree to meet her and have lunch together with her and your son next time she is in town. It's not likely, but its possible that she's changed.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you definitely need to make things a little less comfortable in the nest for him.

Did he have a plan post-college?

He can get an entry level job with a Liberal Arts degree.
What kind of things is he interested in.

To me, you don't have a girlfriend issue, but a lazy entitled son issue. Only working part-time at his teenage job, demanding to have sleep-overs with his girlfriend, not contributing to the household. He sounds spoilt.

He needs to be paying you rent and car insurance at a minimum. He shoud be paying for all car related expenses, gas, upkeep etc.
If it's a car you haven't actually bought for him, I'd give him 6 months to save up and buy one of his own.

Part-time work wouldn't fly with me either, he needs to find another job to fill his time, and until then he needs to be making finding work his full-time job.

Time for the bank of mom & dad to close.