Did anyone do or not do gender selection and regret the decision?

[Anonymous]

We chose not to select and instead asked them to pick the one they thought was best. We found out at 8 weeks that it’s a boy. I’ll be honest I was disappointed. I always thought I’d have a girl. And I even thought that maybe we should have transferred a girl embryo. BUT. I am glad we just went with the most viable option. If I had picked and miscarried I would have really regretted it.

[Anonymous]

I don't think choosing is always bad. Choosing sex doesn't have to be about one sex being better or worse or that you'd love a child of the other sex less. If the reason you choose means you want the other (non-chosen) child less, then you probably need to examine your feelings more. I chose a girl b/c it seemed like it would be a little easier and less expensive b/c we already had the same and could reuse more stuff. But I would have been equally happy with and have loved as much a boy (aside from the worry it would have created over the clinic's operations). I don't regret choosing, but I wouldn't have regretted not choosing either. We didn't do the PGS testing on all rounds, just the DE round b/c we had lots of embryos and it made sense to choose a genetically normal one - sex info came along with it. We could have asked for it to be withheld, but weren't really thinking too much about it. If we had a 3rd, maybe we'd flip a coin or draw the embryo #s from a hat (I don't want someone at the clinic to choose). It'd be nice to get to reuse stuff again, but would also be interesting to parent a boy (assuming sex and gender match...#2 is still very young, so who knows!).

[Anonymous]

I always thought I wanted a girl but did not select. Now I'm happy with the two boys I got! So no regrets!

[Anonymous]

We decided not to choose. DH wanted a girl and I wanted a boy. We got a boy and I was thrilled. DH was initially disappointed but adores our little guy. Thus no regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the Pp who wanted a girl and chose girl after having my first boy. I just thought obviously having one of each was preferable. Funny that Op wants 2 girls bc when I started reading the thread I assumed that she wanted to pick a boy bc she has a girl. To each their own!

No way, having one of each is definitely not preferable for everyone. Why would it be? I have a daughter, and my husband and I are planning to get pregnant again this year. I am not even going to waste my time, we are doing PGS specifically so we can have another girl. I have always wanted two girls. So that's what I will have.

So what if you only get boy embryos? Will you not do a transfer?

[Anonymous]

I decided not only not to participate in PGS testing but to not find out the gender until birth. I just felt that there were so many knowns going through IVF that there had to be a surprise. Also, I figured a happy and healthy baby regardless of gender is better than no baby at all. Our DS was born happy and healthy in 2018 and we are now pregnant with Baby #2. No PGS testing and still waiting until birth to determine the gender. Both through SGF.

[Anonymous]

We had many PGS-tested embryos and were able to choose. We chose a boy (already had a boy and a girl at home). I 100% support your right to choose to have what you prefer. Think about it this way - someone is going to pick, so why not you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had many PGS-tested embryos and were able to choose. We chose a boy (already had a boy and a girl at home). I 100% support your right to choose to have what you prefer. Think about it this way - someone is going to pick, so why not you?

This.

[Anonymous]

I chose to transfer a female embryo because I've always wanted a girl. (I'm very close to my mom and would hope for a similar relationship with a daughter.) That embryo didn't take and the only ones left we're males, so I transferred those.

I have a boy whom I adore and I can picture the potential benefits of either a boy or a girl the second time around. I felt a little twinge when I realized I would most likely never have a girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am on the fence as I said in my original post. It's not all black and white to me. I want to think this through and not regret the decision to gender select if given the option. To the poster who said we are playing god, we already are by doing IVF.

YOU are on the fence. Your husband has made his wishes clear. OP, you don't get it.

So what? I'm supposed to go with his wishes just because he said so? If that's the case, I wouldn't even have DD as he also made his wishes clear that if we couldn't have a child naturally, he was okay not doing Ivf. Because he knows how much I want a child and went through with it. Guess what? He's so in love with our little girl now and has absolute no regret going through with it. I'm the kind of person who wants to examine pros and cons of stuff and don't want to make that decision so hastily.

Yes, you do have to respect his wishes here. You both have to agree to it, just like you both have to agree to having the transfer. Sounds like you need to work on your marriage.

Sounds like you are an asshole. Leave her alone.

Nope. When it comes to creating humans, the ‘no’ should always prevail.
Such as, he wants three kids, she only wants two; she wins.
She wants children and he does not, he wins.
He doesn’t want to chose the sex of a transfer, he wins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband doesnt want to youd do it anyway!?!??

I have two boys and am in love. Wouldn't trade it. You'll love whatever you have. Don't play God.

I have nothing against IVF but it’s funny you think creating embryos in a petry dish is fully natural but choosing from the created embryos crosses a line into playing god.

How do you rationalize “creating life” in a lab? Isn’t that the ultimate manifestation of “playing god”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am on the fence as I said in my original post. It's not all black and white to me. I want to think this through and not regret the decision to gender select if given the option. To the poster who said we are playing god, we already are by doing IVF.

YOU are on the fence. Your husband has made his wishes clear. OP, you don't get it.

So what? I'm supposed to go with his wishes just because he said so? If that's the case, I wouldn't even have DD as he also made his wishes clear that if we couldn't have a child naturally, he was okay not doing Ivf. Because he knows how much I want a child and went through with it. Guess what? He's so in love with our little girl now and has absolute no regret going through with it. I'm the kind of person who wants to examine pros and cons of stuff and don't want to make that decision so hastily.

Yes, you do have to respect his wishes here. You both have to agree to it, just like you both have to agree to having the transfer. Sounds like you need to work on your marriage.

Sounds like you are an asshole. Leave her alone.

Nope. When it comes to creating humans, the ‘no’ should always prevail.
Such as, he wants three kids, she only wants two; she wins.
She wants children and he does not, he wins.
He doesn’t want to chose the sex of a transfer, he wins.

I disagree. 'No' should not be the default like this. One partner doesn't get absolute veto power over something this important. They're married; they each have a responsibility to come to a compromise. If they won't, divorce is the better option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SEX selection.

Thank you. I say it over and over, and my fellow Americans are still too stupid to know/ learn the difference between sex and gender.

This is me. I'm the stupid American. I have no idea what the difference between sex and gender is. I say this honestly. Please enlighten me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SEX selection.

Thank you. I say it over and over, and my fellow Americans are still too stupid to know/ learn the difference between sex and gender.

This is me. I'm the stupid American. I have no idea what the difference between sex and gender is. I say this honestly. Please enlighten me.

This is my understanding. A person's sex is determined by their physical reproductive organs. Gender is the identity each individual chooses represent to the world. For most ppl their physical sex matches their gender, for some it doesnt and those ppl come to this realization at different ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SEX selection.

Thank you. I say it over and over, and my fellow Americans are still too stupid to know/ learn the difference between sex and gender.

This is me. I'm the stupid American. I have no idea what the difference between sex and gender is. I say this honestly. Please enlighten me.

This is my understanding. A person's sex is determined by their physical reproductive organs. Gender is the identity each individual chooses represent to the world. For most ppl their physical sex matches their gender, for some it doesnt and those ppl come to this realization at different ages.

Ok but don’t 99.99% of humans choose the same gender as their sex??