S/O. Wanting your kid to go college far out of state

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the PP from Notre Dame who did the sophomore year abroad program and adored it. Going away for all of sophomore year meant I could experience living and studying abroad and still major in the sciences. As one who did it, I also question why more schools don't do it. The sophomore year abroad program at ND and Saint Mary's College has been going on for something like 50 years. My mother, Saint Mary's alumnae, did it when she was a sophomore too in 1970 - 71.

I'm curious why you think going away sophomore year is a good idea. Virtually every other school offers the same sort of program junior year which in my mind makes a lot more sense.

Sophomore year abroad doesn't effect your major classes. I went to Innsbruck, took all electives and general ed classes (in German) and could come back to major in biology. Friends went to France who had no intention of majoring in French and came back to majors not offered in their college in France anyway - like science or English Lit.

All other junior year long programs thru universities have to be part of your major. Sophomore years are generally a wash anyway. Some comedian once said that all he did sophomore year was try to get away from the friends he made too fast freshman year! Now, that wasn't true for me but was for a few of my friends!

Anyway, having done it the sophomore year abroad program, I can say it makes perfect sense to me (and my mother!)

That may be the case at Notre Dame but at elite colleges there is no such constraint. Students can study whatever they'd like junior year abroad. Your experience seems to be vert much focused on one school and not the best colleges out there. Great that it worked for you.....not so great to spread incorrect information.

ND poster is right that Junior year abroad can be difficult with a science major. My kid's at a top 10 school and would not be able to get the courses needed to complete a bio major/write a senior thesis in four years if junior *year* were spent abroad. A summer, a semester, maybe. The constraint isn't always what's offered abroad -- it comes from what's required at home.

[Anonymous]

Junior year abroad rarely means a full year. Most kids do a semester. My school was on a term/trimester system so you could go away for 1/3 of the year. Going spring term of sophomore year was very popular. Many also went fall of junior year because you could do either a program sponsored by the college or a semester based one sponsored by other college and still just miss 1/3 of the year.

One of my kids did a Spanish language summer abroad program through UVA. It worked well for his academic schedule and allowed for the abroad experience.

So there are lots of options.

[Anonymous]

Threads like this are always funny. As parents (especially those of us with multiple kids), we should realize that what is best for one kid may not be best for others.

I went to a Midwestern T20 about an hour away from where I grew up. My 2 best college friends were folks I went to HS with. My roommate was from Southern Cal and my college SO was from NC. DH went to school in the same city he grew up in. Ran into his parents out and about on occasion but rarely went home. When they had breaks, he tended to go home with his friends who form other places.

Fast forward - Oldest DD went to college about 3 hours away. Her first choice. Not far, but culturally as different as you could imagine - rural Western PA. Other DD went to school in California but was surrounded by kids who were similar to her - UMC with educated parents. Both studied abroad.

Moral of the story - it really all comes down to what is best for the kid and they should have a significant say in it - they are ones who have to stay there and do the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The obsession with college on this board is out of control. Why don't you let your kid decide?

+1

[Anonymous]

I just don't feel like paying for it. All that travel back and forth from a far away school adds up. What do you really get from it ? Lots of connections in a part of the country you don't live in. Helpful. Of course if you want to move there after grad that helps. Otherwise why bother ?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, kid gets to make the choice (if finances allow). But the question becomes what does the kid know about the range of options? As a parent, are you going to leave that to school, peer group, and media or are you going to make sure your kids consider possibilities that wouldn't otherwise be on their radar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, kid gets to make the choice (if finances allow). But the question becomes what does the kid know about the range of options? As a parent, are you going to leave that to school, peer group, and media or are you going to make sure your kids consider possibilities that wouldn't otherwise be on their radar?

I am PP above who said kid gets to make the choice (if finances allow). Our job as parents is to ensure that the decision is informed - that they know the range of options. We suggested each of our kids pick 5-10 schools. We helped them "adjust" that list based on finances. We visited each and every one - the "top 3" more than once. They then ranked the schools themselves on a number of factors - type of campus, programs, desired location, vibe of the visit and other tangibles. Once acceptances came out, we visited each school where they were accepted and they re-ranked. In the interim, the kids were on College Confidential and other places getting feedback. They were talking to people they knew at the schools or student ambassadors at each place. We gave input when they asked or seemed stuck. At the end of the day, they made the choice but we made sure that they had access to as much info as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, kid gets to make the choice (if finances allow). But the question becomes what does the kid know about the range of options? As a parent, are you going to leave that to school, peer group, and media or are you going to make sure your kids consider possibilities that wouldn't otherwise be on their radar?

I am PP above who said kid gets to make the choice (if finances allow). Our job as parents is to ensure that the decision is informed - that they know the range of options. We suggested each of our kids pick 5-10 schools. We helped them "adjust" that list based on finances. We visited each and every one - the "top 3" more than once. They then ranked the schools themselves on a number of factors - type of campus, programs, desired location, vibe of the visit and other tangibles. Once acceptances came out, we visited each school where they were accepted and they re-ranked. In the interim, the kids were on College Confidential and other places getting feedback. They were talking to people they knew at the schools or student ambassadors at each place. We gave input when they asked or seemed stuck. At the end of the day, they made the choice but we made sure that they had access to as much info as possible.

No you aren't. I wrote that post. Weird. Why not just agree and elaborate?

FWIW, I agree with the informed choice logic but think you made the process way more labor-intensive than it needed to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, kid gets to make the choice (if finances allow). But the question becomes what does the kid know about the range of options? As a parent, are you going to leave that to school, peer group, and media or are you going to make sure your kids consider possibilities that wouldn't otherwise be on their radar?

I am PP above who said kid gets to make the choice (if finances allow). Our job as parents is to ensure that the decision is informed - that they know the range of options. We suggested each of our kids pick 5-10 schools. We helped them "adjust" that list based on finances. We visited each and every one - the "top 3" more than once. They then ranked the schools themselves on a number of factors - type of campus, programs, desired location, vibe of the visit and other tangibles. Once acceptances came out, we visited each school where they were accepted and they re-ranked. In the interim, the kids were on College Confidential and other places getting feedback. They were talking to people they knew at the schools or student ambassadors at each place. We gave input when they asked or seemed stuck. At the end of the day, they made the choice but we made sure that they had access to as much info as possible.

No you aren't. I wrote that post. Weird. Why not just agree and elaborate?

FWIW, I agree with the informed choice logic but think you made the process way more labor-intensive than it needed to be.

Yea, sorry - this was my quote "Moral of the story - it really all comes down to what is best for the kid and they should have a significant say in it [u]- they are ones who have to stay there and do the work." Sorry if you feel I was trying to take credit for something you said. I was only trying to give PP a point of reference for knowing who was saying what. But you got it. YOU GET FULL CREDIT!! YOU SAID IT FIRST!! LOL!!

Not really IMO. This was a place that they were going to live and work for the next 4-5 years - so it being labor intensive was kind of the point. Also, compared to how teens kill time, it was not that much work once it got going. When all was said and done, the kids were confident that they had made good decisions and that they had their eyes open about the school. Interestingly enough, both of them mentioned how our process made it easier compared with the anxiety ridden willy nilly decision making processes that some of their classmates used. Like I have said in both of my posts, people need to do whatever works for the kid. With ours, we knew they needed a rubric based method so that's what we came up with.

[Anonymous]

Not worried about credit (it's an anonymous BB, geez). Worried about clarity. It helps to know you're the "moral of the story" poster because that suggests that what appear to be two different POVs aren't that far apart. It's also interesting that the poster who sounds more laissez-faire actually envisions more extensive hands-on parental involvement in the decision-making process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not worried about credit (it's an anonymous BB, geez). Worried about clarity. It helps to know you're the "moral of the story" poster because that suggests that what appear to be two different POVs aren't that far apart. It's also interesting that the poster who sounds more laissez-faire actually envisions more extensive hands-on parental involvement in the decision-making process.

TBH, I think that the parents can be involved in the process without making the decision - if that makes sense. Being college graduates ourselves, knowing these two kids and having the benefit of experience, I just think we were in a good position to help them come up with ranking factors and to talk through issues when they raised them. Sometimes, kids need help in knowing what questions to ask. So it was their decision, we just helped put the framework together to aid them in making that decision. The only veto power we gave ourselves was financial and we wielded that at the start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The obsession with college on this board is out of control. Why don't you let your kid decide?

You do realize this is a college discussion board, right?

[Anonymous]

Agree that lots of parental input should happen pre-application -- e.g. Every place your DC applies should be some place you're willing to let them attend and there have to be at least a couple of schools where you're pretty sure they'll get in and that you know you'll be able to afford. If relative or absolute cost and/or taking on debt is an issue, you need to be upfront about that too. And, of course, every school should also be a school your DC would be happy to attend. If the goal is a highly selective school, then strategy/timing (EA vs ED vs RD vs rolling admissions) is probably a family discussion as well.

But if you get to the point where the list is such that both parents and kid agree that all options are good options, how to decide can be left up to the kid. You don't have to specify or enforce a decisionmaking process at that stage (though you may have to remind kid of financial ground rules and what options they take off the table). Depending on the kid, "left up to the kid" can mean kid asks parent for specific kinds of input. Mine, for example, wanted to hear all my qualms/best arguments against her top choice and for me to listen and respond honestly to her rebuttals. Didn't need/want to re-visit. Didn't need to compare top 3. Had different (but defensible) criteria/weighting than I did.

[Anonymous]

I have to admit, that I would prefer that my DC not go too far away for college, and preferably stay in state. I have to say that I WILL NOT require it. My daughter is free to choose any school that fits in our budget, but as to why I would prefer her to stay in state...The first is for purely selfish reasons, but I think if she stays in state she is less likely to relocate far away after she graduates. Of course, I know this can still happen, but I do think it is less likely. The second reason is more for what I perceive as being for her own well-being, but I actually think there is a huge advantage to making what tends to be your closest friends for life in a location where everyone lives relatively close to each other. Even if my daughter ultimately moves far away, she will always have a base of close friends when she comes home to visit. It seems like if one goes to a school where everyone is from all over, it would be much harder to get together and see these people as adults. And yes, I know that people do manage to do this, however, obviously it's much easier if most of the friend group lives in the same state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Berkeley vs UVA thread made me realize how much I want DD to go to college out west or Midwest. She is a junior next year, and we have already been talking about USC, Univ of Michigan, Occidental, Northwestern... I really think it is important. I don't want her to have her same high school friends (not that there is anything wrong with them) or only know D.C. area kids.

I actually have a friend in Dallas who drew a circle around Dallas with a compass and told her DD she couldn't apply to any school within a 300 miles radius of Dallas!!

Luckily (so far) DD wants to go away to school and experience a different part of the country. You

Lol. Northwestern has a 9% acceptance rate... goodluck with that: https://dailynorthwestern.com/2017/04/01/campus/northwestern-acceptance-rate-falls-to-9-percent/