Okay, time for psychic DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:will I be happy cutting my long hair chin length?

Hello dear.

While your long ringlets have served you well, you now are seeking something new. You are torn between going chin length and keeping it long but putting it in a bun and wearing a pair of interesting European spectacles. You are also wondering whether you should switch from a mascara aimed at volume to a mascara that will extend the length of your lashes. Psychic DCUM sees all your worries over these issues.

I see a woman in a woman confidently walking out of Red Door Salon in Tennleytown. She is sporting a super simple chin length bob with a sleek off-center part that is then pinned behind the ear. The sleek front part sweeps slightly over her forehead and really brings out her delicate facial features. She feels like a new woman with her new, lighter mane.

You should also switch to the length mascara.

[Anonymous]

Will my friend get pregnant before the vacation we have planned together in two months? If she does, will she ditch?

[Anonymous]

Will my friend get pregnant before the vacation we have planned together in two months? If she does, will she ditch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will my friend get pregnant before the vacation we have planned together in two months? If she does, will she ditch?

Sorry dear. Psychic DCUM has another job during the day where she is not permitted to bring her crystal ball. Or tarot cards. Or tea leaves.

I sense the growing rift between you and your dear friend. You planned a wonderful vacation together, but she started to have regrets after she spied you clipping your toenails on your kitchen table. Now you're worried she will stop at nothing to get out of the trip.

Your friend will not get pregnant before the trip, but she will have nonstop chickenpox parties over the next two months. The third week of October will be her last ditch effort to avoid the trip by entering an over-30 cheerleading competition in Delaware in the hopes of breaking something. In the end, she will reveal her reservations to you. You will agree not to bring the toenail clippers, and you'll have a wonderful time.

[Anonymous]

Will my current relationship heal itself or am I doomed?

[Anonymous]

Will my ex-boyfriend (who could and would not commit to me, let alone treat me well) marry his current (much younger) girlfriend, whom he seems to have no trouble treating well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will my ex-boyfriend (who could and would not commit to me, let alone treat me well) marry his current (much younger) girlfriend, whom he seems to have no trouble treating well?

Hello dear. The beauty of the crystal ball is psychic DCUM can see past the façade that is "She got the good Jerry while I got the rotton one"...Ahh, haven't we all had a Jerry?

Psychic DCUM sees a woman moving on once and for all from Jerry. In the end, does it matter whether he finds happiness, or even a nicer personality, with another woman? No, DCUM psychic sees a woman who can accept the cards she was dealt with Jerry, move on, and wish him well. Is he all that he seems to be with the young girl? No, but you knew that. Old habits die hard. But let's hope Jerry can find the better side of himself that he couldn't find before. We should hope all people can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will my current relationship heal itself or am I doomed?

Good morning, dear. Yes, psychic DCUM sees the illness of which you speak.

I see a half-hearted desire for this relationship to improve. You speak of healing, yet you seek no medicine. There is something in you which has already declared this relationship D.O.A.

Dear, there is no doom, only stupidity. Only fools won't come in from the rain. Either come inside or get an umbrella.

[Anonymous]

Will my baby be born early, late or on the due date?

[Anonymous]

Good evening, friend. It does not really matter as long as your baby is at least 36 weeks gestation. Being a first-time mother, you must have something more important to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Oh how I love DCUM Psychic. Thank you for your presence here - love to read your visions!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I pregnant with a boy or a girl?

boy.

She's right. It's a boy.

You were right, both of you. Thank you, O Psychic DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will my friend get pregnant before the vacation we have planned together in two months? If she does, will she ditch?

No and no.

[Anonymous]

Update: Friend is not pregnant. Ditched on the trip anyway. It must be the toenails.

[Anonymous]

When will the recession end and what will it take for the US to get there?